


Shaded (Grace)

by NoxyHart



Series: The Grace Trilogy [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Rape, Sex, Suicide Attempt, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 08:24:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 64,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15239343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoxyHart/pseuds/NoxyHart
Summary: Gabriel was saved but the price was a heavy one. Now with Raphael back and everyone trying to recover from an unspeakable tragedy, will things return to normal? Or will the toll be too high and cost another life?





	1. My Brother's Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> This is the final part of the Grace Trilogy. I hope you have enjoyed what you have read so far and that you all for being so loyal. Special shout out as always to my Love, Suki Uchiha Lamprouge, and to another dear friend and loyal follower, An Emotional Angel. Thank you both! Now without further interruption, I give to you, Shaded (Grace). Enjoy! 
> 
> ~ Noxy
> 
> Don't own Supernatural. Just borrowing it until I'm told to give it back by the owners.

**Chapter 1: My Brother's Ghost**

Raphael flipped through the page of the tome in his lap, the light of the candle beside him flickering softly in the darkness of his room. Turning the last page of the book he sat it aside with a sigh; it didn't contain what he needed either. Three months of searching and he had nothing to show for it. Maybe he was looking in the wrong places. Maybe what he was looking for didn't exist even though he knew that he had read about it somewhere.

He turned and looked at the small picture that was leaning against his books. It was a picture of Gabriel. It had been taken by their father at his wedding. He had never seen his younger brother look happier. The smile that lit up his face and the light shining in his eyes was something he hadn't seen since before the First War. It hurt more then he cared to admit that there was the possibility that he wouldn't be seeing it ever again.

Gabriel was dead.

Turning away from the picture he went back to his research. There had to be a way to bring his baby brother back from the dead. He had to do it. Sam deserved that much. Three months of searching had yielded nothing useful though. I made him wonder if maybe he shouldn't ask his dad for the names and a way to reach the two that had brought him back and healed him. After all, after he was in his own vessel once more they both had left and with them went the Angelis Lexicon; the only book that held the recorded history of the archangels.

Picking up a new book Raphael couldn't help but think about when they realized that Gabriel was already gone. He was sitting by Gabriel's bedside with Sam laying in bed with his mate. Suriel had come in to give Gabriel his heck up so he had stood to leave and leaned down to kiss his baby brother's cheek. No sooner then he pulled back then he was filled with horror. A bruise had formed on the blonde's cheek in the exact shape of his lips. Suriel had ushered both Sam and himself out before locking the door.

Sam had panicked, not knowing what was going on. As he was trying to calm down the hunter, the rest of the bunker had shown up, looking both confused and worried. It was nearly an agonizing hour long wait before Suriel had come out to deliver the news. Gabriel was gone. His Grace was no longer present in his vessel and it was beginning to decay. There were bruises everywhere that he had been touched and a couple of them were turning into open wounds. There was nothing more that they could do for his baby brother.

Sam had taken the news hard, collapsing to the floor and sobbing brokenly until he had to be medicated to calm him down. That left the choice of what happened to Gabriel in Michael's hands since Gabriel had no children and his mate was incapable to make any choices. The First Born wasted no time. He demand to know every option available. He tried everything he could to make sure that they weren't giving up on his brother so soon. It had take another three hours of arguing before they finally able to reach a decision regarding the youngest archangel; they would take him off life support and if he hung on then they would put the life support back on and if not then they would let him go.

Everyone had gathered to say their goodbyes that night. Dean and Castiel had shown up in dark colors as had Crowley and Balthazar. Michael and Lucifer had shown up in dressed in their robes while Chuck had shown up in a white suit. Suriel himself had decided to wear his own healers robes that had been granted to his by Gabriel when he passed his training. Sam, however, was dressed normally but he was wearing the shirt that he had given Gabriel as the angel had begun his road to recovery.

Suriel waited until everyone was ready before he reached up and turned off the alarm for the heart monitor first before turning off the machine for the life support. There was a moment where Gabriel drew in a breath and then there was nothing else. The monitors showed that the archangel's heart rate slowly dropping. His expression didn't change and if it wasn't for the change in the color of his lips, going from the normal pink to a more blue color one would think the angel was merely sleeping. It didn't take long until Suriel shook his head indication that he was gone.

Sam didn't say anything the entire time nor shed a tear; he only waited for his mate to be pronounced dead before moving forward and taking the ring from his finger before leaving the room. The hunter locked himself in his room afterwards and refused to come out for the next five days and when he had, he was wearing both rings around his neck on a thick chain. Also he was now sporting around his wrist, the necklace that Razael had made for his mother. Tears had come to Lucifer's eyes when he saw the blue feather that was now being proudly displayed around his vessel's wrist. The next day Lucifer was wearing his own feather around his neck.

So it had been for the past three months. He had been searching for a way to bring Gabriel back for Sam. Sam barely spoke a word. Dean and Castiel began hunting once more. Lucifer had become colder again and only Michael seemed to bring him around. Crowley helped when he could as did Balthazar but mostly they did random things when they could to help.

^Why do you insist on hanging out here? Can't we go outside or up to the kitchen to see everyone else? You could at least turn on a damn light! This place has electricity and running water like most modern places. You could at least use it like a normal damn person.^

Raphael let out a sigh and steadily ignored the voice coming from the corner of the room.

^Please put the books down and pay attention to me! This is boring! There's nothing to do and you're the only one that can see or hear me! Pay attention to me!^

"Did you pick that bad habit up from Lucifer like you did with all the others?" Raphael snapped before catching himself.

^Hey! You actually said something to me! Does this mean you're going to pay attention to me now? How about we play a game?^

The Third Born tried not to glare at the transparent figure standing near the door and leaning against the wall. It had only been a few hours after Gabriel's death when it happened. He thought that maybe he was seeing things at first. That maybe the stress of his younger brother's death had gotten to him; that he was clinging to his brother's spirit because he hadn't been able to apologize to him for all the wrongs he had committed against him. It hadn't taken him long to realize that he had been wrong.

^Come on Raphael! Please say something to me!^ Gabriel's ghost begged. ^You talked to me at first. Why won't you do it now?^

"Because I shouldn't be encouraging my insanity, that's why!" Raphael hissed out to the blonde. "It's bad enough I'm shunned because of what I did to you! I don't need to be locked away for talking to a dead angel that only I can see."

Gabriel pouted. ^Do...do you not want me?^ He asked softly, his voice breaking a bit.

The Third Born let out a strange noise. "Gabriel I-"

^Why don't you call me Gabby anymore?^ The blonde asked.

"I think I lost that right." The dark skinned angel said. "After everything that I did to you and ordered done to you, you should hate my guts and wish me dead."

^I did at one point.^ Gabriel admitted. ^Then I started talking to Sam. I told him about what I went through. About everything. The torture, the rape, all of it. Sam did hate me for it. Instead he told me that he was proud of me. That I was stronger then I realized for being able to survive something like that for so long and still be as intact as I am...Or should that be was?^

"I don't know Gabriel." Raphael said softly. "I didn't think angels could become ghosts. It's never happened before."

^Maybe because I'm an archangel? Or was? This is confusing. I think I'm getting a headache from thinking about it so much.^ Gabriel said with a grin.

"That seems like an impossibility. Why am I still talking to you?!"

^Because you're lonely.^ Gabriel said softly. ^I know the feeling. Now will you please go see our brothers? I miss them and-^

There was a gently knock on the door.

"Come in." Raphael called.

The door slowly opened and light flooded into the room, making him blink. The light in the room came on making him blink again. When he managed to open his eyes he found Sam standing there is confusion, and holding a covered tray. He came over and sat the tray down. Turning he began blowing out the candles and straightening up the room. Raphael frowned and looked down at the food.

^Sam...^

Raphael looked up to see that Gabriel was following Sam ask he walked around. His brother's expression was heartbroken as he watched his mate and the Third Born could easily see why. Sam hadn't been taking the best care of himself. He was thinner then he had been three months ago and paler. Sam finished with the books then turned to look at Raphael, frowning when he realized that the angel hadn't touched his food.

The dark skinned angel picked up the tray and held it out to Sam. "I'm an angel. I don't need to eat but I thank you for the food. Why don't you eat it?"

Sam frowned and sat down eyeing the photo that was resting against the books of his wedding. He started at it before pulling one of the books closer and carefully opening it and looking at the writing in it. His fingers traced over the picture on the first page and Raphael realized that Sam had managed to pick the one book that had Gabriel's picture it in. Not that Sam would recognize that it was Gabriel; the archangel was in his very first vessel in this picture.

Raphael moved closer, a small smile playing on his lips, happy that he was about to act as a Loreist for Sam and teach him more about his deceased mate's people; it was his right as the mate of an angel even if his mate was dead. "What do you think? Isn't he quite handsome?"

Sam made a face and went to close the book the Raphael stopped him. Beside them the apparition of Gabriel was watching Sam carefully. He reached out as if to touch him but his hand passed right through the hunter. The pain was visible on his brother's face and it made Raphael wonder if ghosts could suffer from a broken heart.

"Look closely at him Sam. You might see something you like." The angel teased gently. "Take a close look at him. Trust me."

Sam frowned and picked up the book and looked closer at the young angel in the picture. The angel was dressed in the traditional robes of a healer, the same that Gabriel was wearing in his wedding photo. In his hands was a long, shining spear and it was piercing a cloud of black mist, his expression twisted into one of anger and determination. Around his waist was a belt that had several pouches and both an angel blade and a spiraled archangel blade, letting the human know he was looking at an archangel and not just a normal seraph.

Despite the fact the picture showed the angel in a lunge it was clear that he had to be a good five six or five seven. His hair was a dark brown, almost the same color of chocolate and it looked like he had just rolled out of bed. Around his neck was a necklace of something blue that was too small to make out given the size of the picture. The last thing that was the glaring gold eyes of the young angel.

Sam let out a gasp and grabbed his wedding photo and laid down in the book, right next to the picture. His fingers reached out and traced the page in the book before turning to the picture and running his fingers over Gabriel's face. The same gold eyes were in both pictures. Sam looked up at Raphael in wonder and confusion, the question clear in his green eyes.

"Yup. That's Gabriel." Raphael said, watching both their expressions. "He was only ten in that picture. It's him in his first vessel. I thought he was quite the handsome young man."

Sam turned back to the picture and looked back up at Raphael and held up ten fingers.

Raphael checked the date in the book. "Yeah. In this picture he was only ten. By that time he had been trained by Michael and Lucifer since his creation. Michael has almost three hundred years on him, Lucifer had about two hundred and fifty while I have about two hundred. This was him in the First War. He was good at fighting. Better then me anyway."

Sam frowned and touched the picture again but Raphael moved the wedding picture and turned the page. In this picture Gabriel was in mid air, all six of his wings spread. In his hands was a long golden staff that was topped with two different lilies, but these were real and not gold like the staff. His clothes were a little different this time though, they were white like before but these were trimmed in gold and he was wearing a golden chest plate as well and a great sword hung at his side. Sam turned to looked at the Third Born for an explanation.

"Gabriel acting in his title of Messenger. Do you understand now?" The angel asked softly.

Sam nodded and looked back down at the book, his fingers going to the staff.

"Lilies. This one is a Lily of the Valley. It symbolizes sweetness and purity of the heart. The other one is a white lily. I always said that it was the wrong flower for him but Lucifer thought it ironic." The dark skinned angel said with a chuckle.

^I think I agree with you.^ Gabriel muttered, but his eyes were trained on his mate.

The hunter looked at him curiously.

"The white lily is supposed to symbolize modesty and virginity." The Loreist said. "And to be honest my baby brother was neither modest nor a virgin by the time this picture was done. He was...let's see...He was only a hundred fifty, give or take a few years in this one. By that time he was already sleeping with Lucifer. He moved quick. When Michael found them together he was furious."

^More then furious. I thought he was going to kill Lucifer.^ Gabriel said. ^And you were no help you bastard. You were too busy trying not to laugh!^

Raphael ignored his brother's ghost. "Michael couldn't find either of them for training that morning. Lucifer's birthday had been the night before. He thought that maybe they had gone to earth and gotten drunk. He walked into Lucifer's area and stopped dead. They were cuddled up together and they made quite the pair. Hold on.."

The angel stood and began looking through the books until he came to a simple piece of leather that was tied with a string. He opened it to reveal a collection of hand drawn works. He brought it back over and sat it in his lap, flipping through it until he came to what he was looking for. It was a picture of Gabriel in his first vessel, curled up next to a tall, this man, with long, curly black hair.

Gabriel gasped. ^Holy shit! I didn't know those still existed! How did you get a hold or my sketch pad too, you asshole?^

"This is the drawing I did later of it. The one with the dark hair is Lucifer. He looks strange with long dark hair now that I've seen him as a blonde. I have to say that it suits him better. Anyway Michael was threatening to kill Lucifer for sullying Gabriel. Gabriel got out of bed completely naked, grabbed his clothes and turned to Lucifer and said, 'I'll bring you something by for the pain. Let me go get it and then I'll be right back to help you into the shower. You bled a bit but that's normal.' Then he turned and walked out without getting dressed. Lucifer went about ten different shades of red." Raphael recalled.

"Michael didn't know what to think after that. He couldn't believe his little brother capable of such a thing until a few weeks later we caught them together again. This time there was no denying that Gabriel was the instigator. He had Lucifer pinned against the wall with one hand down his pants and the other in his hair. Michael looked like he was going to explode. He got all red in the face and his fist was twitching. Dad just looked at them and said 'If you insist on doing that then please do it somewhere that is a little less public. There are the younger angels to think of. Don't stop on our account though. Have fun!' Michael was livid."

Sam looked back down at the book and turned the next page. It showed Gabriel standing with Lucifer and a tall ebony haired man with pale skin and green eyes. The Fourth Born and the other man were standing together looking over a book. The taller man was leaning over Gabriel and pointing out something in a large book while they were both balancing a small ball of energy in their palms while Lucifer was watching carefully with a look of pride.

"Gabriel and myself working on our spell work while Lucifer watched over us in order to make sure we didn't blow ourselves up. I actually lost a finger that way." Raphael said with a smile. "I never cast another spell like that unless Lucifer was around to help me first."

Sam turned the page again and nearly threw the book across the room. The Third Born could understand why. It was of what had turned Gabriel from the path of the Warrior to the path of the Healer. It was the end of the First War. In a last ditch effort the Darkness had gone after Gabriel, the youngest of the archangels. It had struck with lightening precision with the intent to kill the Fourth Born. Michael had thrown himself in front of Gabriel taking the full brunt of the attack. In the picture Gabriel was kneeling next to Michael and they were both nearly covered in the First Born's blood.

Gabriel had frozen, staring in horror as Michael had been nearly torn apart. Michael had collapsed and the Fourth Born had rushed forward. He was crying, terrified at the very thought of losing his eldest brother. Gabriel had done everything he could to keep Michael stable while Lucifer and himself had finished winning the war. That was when Chuck had appeared, his vessel a slim blonde with green eyes, and had started healing his eldest son. Gabriel had been relieved to see the wounds heal and had collapsed when his older brother had been able to stand under his own power once more. It was then that Gabriel had decided to set aside his blades. Their youngest brother had disappeared for nearly a hundred years only to return as a master healer.

"We almost lost Michael that day. It changed Gabriel. He began to hate fighting. He despised it and began talking to other angels about becoming healers. The response was overwhelming; Gabriel is the reason that there are different classes of angels. Gabriel changed heaven with a single decision. You should be proud of him Sam. Your mate was the best angel heaven ever had. I'm sorry my screw up killed him. You should hate me for taking him from you." Raphael said softly.

Sam, whose head was bowed, began to shake. The dark skinned angel was afraid that he had set the younger hunter off when he broke into a harsh sob and began crying. Raphael quickly moved the book away and the human threw himself into the shocked archangel's lap. Without even thinking about it his wings came out and laid over the Winchester like a blanket.

"I want him back!" Came the hoarse, broken cry from the young man. "I want my husband back!"

^I'm...I'm right here Sam. I'm right here next to you.^ Gabriel said, watching the love of his life sob uncontrollably. ^I've never left you Sam and I'm not going to. I promise. I'm right here.^

"He's here Sam." Raphael said softly, taking a chance. "Gabby is right here with us. He watching over us. I promise."

"I need him Raphael. I need my mate. I can't do this. I can't live without him like this. There's no point in living in a world without him." Came the broken reply. "I don't want to."

"I promise you Sam that I will do everything in my power to fix this." Raphael vowed. "I will bring him back for you. Even if it kills me for a second time."

Gabriel's ghost flinched. ^Please...Please...I don't want either of you dead. I love you too much. I want you both happy.^

For the first time since Gabriel had been appearing Raphael looked up and looked his brother's ghost in the eye. "Don't you get it Gabby? You were our happiness."


	2. Heart to Heart

**Chapter 2: Heart to Heart**

"What do you mean, you can't find him?" Lucifer snapped.

"Not my fault. The bloody little wanker decided to sod off when I went to give him his bit of nosh! I thought he was happing a kip!" Balthazar defended. "I admit that I cocked-up but this was a one off! I gave you a bell the moment I realized that the daft cow was gone!"

"It's not that bad Lucifer. We know he hasn't left." Michael said, trying to placate his mate. "Sam most likely just went for a walk around the bunker. He might have found something to read or do."

"For four hours?" The Second Born snapped. "I'm going to go find him."

"There's no need for that." Chuck said coming into the room, followed by Dean, the hunter's arm tightly wrapped in a sling. "I know exactly where he is."

Lucifer rushed over to Dean, running his Grace over the hunter gently. "Dean what happened?"

The eldest Winchester let out a huff and pulled away, moving to hid on the other side of Chuck and away from the hovering archangel. "Damn werewolf. It threw me into a dumpster and broke my arm. Someone from the bar heard the commotion and came to see what happened. Cas went after the wolf and took care of it while I had to go to the hospital for being 'mugged'. That left me with no choice but to call Uncle Chuck."

Michael frowned. "Uncle Chuck?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah. I didn't think they'd take to well to me saying he was my father. So he became Uncle Chuck. So what happened to Sam?"

"Wanker ran off on me." Balthazar said. "Then Lucifer got mad cause I can't find him!"

"Why can't you find him?" The hunter asked curiously.

Michael sighed. "For some reason it seems that the protections that...that Gabriel had active when he was a-alive are still active. They should have ended when...The point is for some reason that we can't figure out those protections are still active when they shouldn't be."

"So what? Is he like reaching from beyond to protect Sam?" Dean asked. "Don't tell me he haunting the bunker!"

"There has never been a report of an angel turning into a ghost." Lucifer said. "It shouldn't be physically possible. We're made of Grace, we don't have a soul like you do."

Dean frowned then began muttering under his breath.

"That's a great idea. Why don't you go do that if it makes you feel better?" Chuck said with a smile, being the only one close enough to the human to hear what he was saying.

The brunette nodded and turned and walked out. Chuck waited until he was out of earshot before turning to his sons. Lucifer seemed torn between wanting to go after Dean and wanting to go look for Sam. Michael seemed tired and run down; he never smiled anymore. Balthazar let out an angry noise and turned back to whatever he was cooking, looking quite out of place in the bright yellow apron with lime green words reading 'Kiss me, you fool!' and a pair of bright red lips that were placed right at waist height. Shaking his head Chuck grabbed Lucifer just as he was about to go after Dean.

"Dean is fine. Sam is fine. Castiel will be here shortly, he is making sure to dispose of the werewolf." He said to his second son. "Lucifer I know this is going to sound ridiculous but you need to stop hovering over them. Dean has Castiel to take care of him and Cas is doing a very good job, just like Cas has Dean to take care of him. They are fine."

"Dad I just want to-"

"I know what you want to do Lucifer but trust me when I say that they are fine. As for Sam, why don't you come with me?" Chuck said softly. "It might make you feel better if you see for yourself that Sam is fine."

Chuck led his son, followed closely by Michael, out of the kitchen. He lead them through the bunker, going lower and lower until they reached a level that was slightly dust filled. He lead them along the only clean path there was to a thick door. He knocked twice before pushing it open. To the two eldest archangel's shock the room was filled with piles of old tomes and was lit by candle light. Sitting in the middle of the room was Raphael, who had looked up when they came in. He was holding a book in one hand while the other was buried in Sam's hair. Sam was using the angel's lap as a pillow and he was laying on what looked like a twin mattress and covered by a one of the angel's large bronze wings.

"Father? Is something wrong?" Raphael asked quietly.

"Why are you sitting in the dark?" Michael asked before their dad could reply.

Raphael swallowed hard. "It's not dark. I have my candles."

"You know we have lights right?" Lucifer asked. "You don't have to use candles."

The younger angel shrugged, not answering his older brother. Chuck didn't say anything but just stepped back to let them talk. This was over do. Lucifer turned to look at Michael, wondering if his mate thought the same thing he was. Raphael was acting strangely. From the look the First Born returned, he was realizing too.

"Okay then. Want to tell us why you're all the way down here? Surely you didn't picked this room just for the exercise." Michael said.

Raphael blinked and a nervous look passed over his face, almost as if he was worried. "You...You told me that I could have a room. Did...Do you need me to find a different one? This room was empty, just like you said."

Michael felt his blood run a bit cold at the hesitant words; Raphael had never been shy or hesitating. "No. You can have this one but why didn't you just take one of the bedrooms upstairs?"

Raphael looked back down at his book. "You said that if I was going to stay the I had to make sure to find an empty room far away. This was the furtherest empty room I could find. All the others have something in them."

"What about a bed? For sleeping?" Michael asked; surely Raphael hadn't taken his words so literally, he was smarter then that.

Raphael frowned. "We're angels. We don't need to sleep or eat."

Michael pointed to the tray in front of him that was scattered with the remains of food.

"I managed to get Sam to eat after his breakdown. He didn't want to leave so I made a bed for him. He's only been asleep for a couple hours. You can take him if you-" The Third Born let out a hiss as Sam shifted in his sleep. It took them a moment but they realized why. The hunter's fingers were buried into the feathers of his bronze wings. Raphael rubbed at the hunter's scalp and he began to calm once more. The angel let out a sigh and then turned back to his brothers and father. "Sorry. He keeps having bad dreams and pulling on my feathers. I've been keeping him calm. If you want to take him back to his room you can. It's probably more comfortable for him there anyway." Raphael said, giving them a weak smile.

"Why was Sam down here in the first place?" Lucifer asked coming closer only to stop and tilt his head in confusion as he realized that, in his sleep, Sam was clutching one of the Third Born's tomes. "Why is Sam sleeping with a book?"

"He didn't say why he came down here. He knocked and came in with the food. He gave it too me and began cleaning up." Raphael explained. "I gave it back and told him I didn't need to eat. He picked up a book and began looking in it. So I started showing him the pictures."

"Would that be the book he's holding now?" Lucifer asked.

Raphael gave a brief nod. "Yes. I let him have it."

Michael blinked. "Why would you give a human one of the angelic tomes?"

"I gave it to him because when I started showing him the pictures in it he spoke to me!" The dark skinned angel said. "The first words I heard him speak since we left Ireland. If me giving him that book helps him then he can have it."

"Why that one? What's so special about that book?" Lucifer asked. "What kind of spells does it have in it?"

"There aren't any spells in that book. Mainly it's a collection of artwork that depicts us acting in our roles as archangels. I was showing him the pictures of Gabriel in it. I was teaching him more about his mate and what Gabriel was like before he left heaven. Back when he was younger."

"Is that wise?"

"It's his right. He's the mate of an archangel."

"You mean was. Gabriel is..." Michael trailed off.

"Is he really?" Raphael whispered staring at the empty air that was next to Sam. "I mean what proof do we have that Gabriel is really gone?"

Michael and Lucifer both looked at each other with worry. What did he mean by that? He was there when they pulled the plug and Gabriel had slipped away from them. Had the stress finally gotten to him? Or was he clinging to the hope that maybe their baby brother had somehow managed to fake his death and trick them once more?

"Raphael...He's gone. You were there with us when he...He's really gone." Michael gently reminded him.

"I know. I saw the machines. I saw Suriel confirm it but..." Raphael looked down at Sam, who was sleeping peacefully in his lap.

"But what? You think he managed to fake his death again?" Lucifer asked, trying to figure out where his younger brother was going with this train of thought.

"I was just thinking...The protections on Sam haven't faded. That's never happened before." Raphael said. "What if there was something we missed? What if there was something else we could have done for Gabriel? Something I could have done?"

"You mean other then create a demon that was hell bent on raping and torturing him?" Lucifer spat, making the Third Born flinch.

"Lucifer I can't even-"

"Then don't!" Lucifer snapped. "Gabriel's blood is on your hands! And if Sam dies because he is mourning for his mate then his death will fall on your head as well!"

Raphael flinched and ducked his head. Lucifer let out an angry noise and stormed out. Michael seemed torn but in the end he followed his mate, leaving his younger brother sitting on the floor with Sam still in his lap. Chuck sighed; that did not go at all how he wanted it to go. Yes Raphael had created the demon but he had done so under the influence of outside forces and it was easy to see that guilt that was eating away at the Third Born over his actions.

"I'll talk to them Raphael." Chuck said.

"There's no need for that Father. They have every right to hate me for what I did. I already hate myself for it." The dark skinned angel admitted.

"There is also no need for them to treat you like this for something that you had no control over. What happened to you completely warped everything that you are. You have no right to feel bad about what happened." Chuck said.

"Don't I? Do you even know what I did to Gabby? Did he tell you how I treated him?" Raphael asked, glaring at his father.

The deity nodded. "He told me some of it but not all. The only person who knows everything beside yourself is Sam. Gabriel refused to hide what happened from him."

The dark skinned angel looked down at the sleeping human in his lap. "Gabby told Sam everything that I did to him and...Why is Sam here if he knows what I did to his mate? He should hate me worse then Lucifer does."

"I think Sam forgave you the minute you saved him and Gabriel." Chuck assured him. "I think that might be why he came to see you."

Raphael was silent, staring down at Sam with a forlorn expression. The diety frowned, watching his son as the angel looked down at his brother in law. Chuck was curious as to what was going through his mind but he didn't press. He was sure that if Raphael wanted to talk about what was bothering him then he would. Until then he would just be there for as long as he need him to be.

He walked over and touched two fingers to Sam's brow and the hunter vanished. He had put Sam back in his room so the hunter could rest. Chuck reached out and pulled his son into a hug, holding him close and making sure that he knew that he still loved him. It took a few minutes but Raphael's arms slowly came up and returned the hug.

Pulling back he moved Raphael so that he was laying down on the mattress that he had summoned for Sam. Chuck summoned and pillow and blanket. He put the pillow under his son's head and covered him with the blanket before dropping a kiss on the top of his head. Raphael was frowning and looked quite confused.

"I know you don't need sleep but it would make me feel better if you at least try to get a few hours of sleep okay? Promise me that?" Chuck said.

Raphael gave his dad a sad smile and snuggled down into the blankets. "I promise that I'll try to get some rest. I might just spend the whole time having nightmares. If I do have one...Can I call you?"

Chuck smiled and kissed him again. "Of course you can. Now get some rest."

Raphael sighed and closed his eyes to make his father happy. He laid there with his eyes closed for a several minutes until he felt his father get up and leave. Raphael sighed and opened his eyes to find Gabriel, sitting in the same spot he had been since Sam had his breakdown. The blonde was giving him a soft smile and watching him carefully.

"I told you they wouldn't believe me." Raphael said softly. "They thought I was crazy for even considering that you might still be alive."

^Thanks for trying. I knew they wouldn't buy it but it was worth a shot.^ Gabriel said with a shrug. ^I wanted to thank you too.^

Raphael closed his eyes again. "The last thing you should be doing is thanking me. I've done nothing that you need to thank me for."

^How about taking care of my mate for me? I think that deserves my thanks doesn't it?^ Gabriel asked, his voice sounding both grateful and smug. ^Or did I just dream that you sat here and showed my Sam pictures of me and held him while he cried and napped?^

"I'm just trying to make up for all the pain I caused you. If me taking care of Sam for the rest of his existence helps to erase even one thing I did to you then I will take that chance." The Third Born replied. "I do it for you. My apology."

^I don't need an apology. I need you to forgive yourself.^ Gabriel said and Raphael could almost hear the smile in his voice.

"Forgive myself? How can I? I almost destroyed you on more then one occasion Gabby. Things like that aren't easily forgiven."

^Then how come I've forgiven you for it? Shouldn't it be harder for me to forgive you because I was the victim?^ Gabriel teased.

Raphael was silent.

^You know I was teasing you right?^

"I...I still don't understand. I don't know why you're forgiving me. I don't know why you've attached yourself to me."

^I don't know either.^ Gabriel admitted. ^Maybe it's because we've had so much happen between us that I felt like I couldn't leave without us finishing it. Either that or I really wanted to play some more pranks on you guys.^

"So you're saying that out of all the things you could be doing, that you stayed behind to annoy me?" Raphael asked in disbelief.

^Well it certainly wasn't for your charming personality.^ The blonde retorted. ^You have all the personality of a lump of slime with the intellectual range and face to go with it.^

Raphael's eyes snapped open to stare at his younger brother. "Did you just call me boring, stupid and ugly all in one sentence?"

Gabriel smirked down at him. ^Maybe I did. Why? What are you going to do about it? It's not like you can tell on me. Michael won't believe you and there's nothing Dad can do about it. At least I don't think there is.^

Raphael shook his head. "Only you Gabby."

^Seriously though Raph. I meant what I said. You really do need to forgive yourself. It's the only way you'll find peace again.^ Gabriel said turning serious.

"What if I don't want to find peace?" Came the whispered admission.

Gabriel frowned. ^Why would you not want to find peace?^

"I don't want you to go away."

^You think if you find peace that I'll go away?^ The blonde asked, confusion lacing his voice.

"What if the only reason you're here with me right now is because I can't let go of what I did to you? What if that is the only reason you're here."

^So I'm a manifestation of your guilt?^

"Maybe. I don't know. I just know that if I let go of my guilt that you might go away too and I don't want you to go away Gabby." Raphael said softly. "I want you in my life again even if it means that I am stuck with you haunting me for the rest of my existence."

Gabriel seemed to think for a mintue before looked at his brother once more. ^So why are you telling me all this?^

"Because I know you won't tell anyone else."

Gabriel let out a sudden grin and Raphael knew he made a mistake the minute he saw it. ^Dear Gabby, Today I sat all alone in my room reading my books again and-^

"So help me Gabriel if you don't shut up I will exorcize you!" Raphael napped before rolling over and trying to get to sleep, the sound of Gabriel's laughter ringing in his ears like music.


	3. Bad Memories Best Forgotten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!   
> THIS CONTAINS SOME DISTURBING IMAGERY AND MAY NOT BE SUITABLE IF YOU ARE SQUIMISH!   
> WHAT HAPPENS IN THIS CHAPTER IS A LIGITMATE FORM OF TORTURE!   
> YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

**Chapter 3: Bad Memories Best Forgotten**

_{Welcome back Father. I have missed you. It doesn't feel the same when you are not here to guide me.} Xaphanel said with a low bow, his tail twitching against the stone floor. {I hope your trip back to heaven went well.}_

_"It did. Michael is getting upset. He's beginning to believe that my pet is still alive and making his home somewhere down here with the rest of these pathetic creatures." Raphael said. "He believes that he ran away just to spite him for what happened with Lucifer's fall and the death of my pet's son. Michael is still denying that it was his fault. He can be such a pompous asshole that it isn't even funny. He thinks he's so noble when in truth he's no better then the rest of us."_

_{How have you been able to convince him to let you stay down here for such a long period of time Father? Surely you are needed in heaven? Doesn't Michael need your help with guiding the rest of your kin in your father's absence?} Xaphanel said, following his master as he came further into the stone pyramid that they were using._

_"Simple. I told Michael that if our darling baby brother was alive that I would find him but that I would need time to do so. As for our Father being gone, Michael made sure that everyone knew that is the one in charge now." Raphael said, turning to his demon 'child'. "It was so easy to get permission to stay down here. I can't believe that Michael still believes that I love that annoying brat and would do anything just to make sure he was safe."_

_{May I ask you a question that has been bugging me Father? Why do you tell your pet that you love him then when you really do not? I don't understand the point behind it Father.} The demon said, following close behind him._

_"It's a game. I tell him I love him, he believes me, then I get to watch his heart break as I hurt him. I like it when he cries and begs." Raphael said. "Don't you like watching him as he screams and cries and begs?"_

_That long cream and purple stripped tongue slid out of his mouth and licked at his lips. {I will admit that it does make him taste divine. It makes me want to drain him dry!}_

_Raphael stopped and turned to look at his son. "Now, now. You know better. If you drain him dry then he'll die and loose your food source. I'm sure you don't want that am I right?"_

_Xaphanel hung his head. {Yes Father. You are right. I don't want him to die so soon.}_

_"Neither do I. He has so much more suffering that I want him to go through, not to mention so much more pain." Raphael said, giving the demon a pat on the head. "So was he good for you while I was away or do I need to sick the hell hound we bought on him again?"_

_{He was good.} The demon replied quickly._

_The Third Born paused, turning to look at his demon. Xaphanel's head was bowed low in a show of submission. His tail was twitching back and forth showing his nervousness, much like that of a big cat. His tail was also tucked between his legs like a dog that knew it had done something wrong. Raphael wondered if maybe his son had injured his brother far more then he intended to during the playtime that he told the demon he could have._

_"Something happened while I was away then?" Raphael asked with a smirk. "What did my little whore do this time? Something punishable I hope. I have quite a bit of stress and pent up tension that I need to relieve."_

_{Your pet refuses to eat. I have tried to goad him into eating but he refuses.} Xaphanel reveled. {I feared that he might perish before your return because I couldn't take proper care of your pet for you. I did not want to fail you Father.}_

_Raphael turned thoughtful at his demon's words. "Not eating you say? Nothing at all in the past six days since I've been gone?"_

_Xaphanel's tail began twitching even more. {No Father. Nothing at all. I've tried both threatening and coaxing him but nothing seems to be working. He refuses to eat. I am at a loss as to how to make him eat.}_

_"What about drinking something? Has he been drinking at all or has he decided to forgo drinking as well?"_

_{Yes he has been drinking. More then normal.}_

_Raphael laughed at the gall of his sibling. "He's trying to offset his hunger by increasing his fluid intake. Very smart, little brother. Those tricks of yours won't do you much good once I get through with you. Xaphanel I have a task for you!"_

_{Yes Master?} The demon asked, perking up._

_"I need you to go out and find me some meat and milk. Make sure the meat and milk are both as old as you can find them. I'm going to feed our pet. Hurry back." Raphael said watching his demon vanish in a blaze of blue hellfire._

_Grinning he walked over to the barred door and removed the thick wooden beam. Opening the door he used his Grace to light the room up, igniting the touches on the wall. There was a whine from the far corner of the room revealing exactly where the youngest archangel was residing. Raphael turned and couldn't help but smile at the sight that greeted him. It never failed to send a thrill through him every time he saw his disgraced brother._

_Gabriel was curled up in a small ball pressing himself as close as he could to the stone walls. His naked and battered frame shook, trying to ward off the chill of the room. His hair was a lot longer then it had been a few months ago and was dirty and matted, the blonde barely visible under the grime. The only clean thing about his brother were the shining silver of the Sigil Cuffs locked around his wrists and the shackle that was locked around his ankle keeping him chained to the wall. Raphael came closer and knelt down next to his brother, watching with concealed joy as Gabriel responded to his presence, the chain clinking softly as the younger angel flinched almost violently. His head lifted and those dull gold eyes met his, fear, desperation, and a bit of hope shining in them._

_"Raphael..." Gabriel whispered, his voice sounding both terrified and relieved at the sight of his older brother._

_"Hello Whore." The older angel responding, loving the flinch it drew. "How are you today? Not misbehaving I hope."_

_"I want to go home..." Gabriel whispered, a stay tear running down his face, leaving behind a line of clean skin in it's wake._

_"You don't have a home to go to anymore remember?" Raphael said sweetly, thinking that it might be time to give the younger angel a much needed bath least he begin to smell as bad as the humans and lesser creatures and so called gods that his brother tended to hang around with. "You faked your death and in doing so severed all ties with heaven. You're dead to heaven and dead to Michael and dead to our father. This is your new home now. I'm sorry that you don't like it. If you manage to behave like a good little whore then I might just let you go outside enjoy the fresh air. I'm sure this cold stone doesn't feel very good does it?"_

_"Raphael please...If you let me go I won't tell anyone what you've been doing to me." Gabriel whispered, more tears filling his eyes. "I won't tell anyone, I swear. It can be our secret. Just please let me go. I'm begging you please..."_

_"Let you go? Why would I want to do that?" Raphael asked with a smile. "I like having a pretty pet to play with."_

_A broken sob left the Fourth Born and he turned his face away from his brother. "Please...Please let me go..."_

_Raphael reached out and put a hand on Gabriel's flushed face. "Oh Gabby, you feel warm. Are you feeling okay?" He asked, faking concern._

_"I think I'm getting sick. I need...Please let me heal myself...Please take the cuffs off me. Just long enough so that I can get rid of this sickness." Gabriel said holding out his wrists. "I promise I won't try to run away or hit you again."_

_The Third Born grabbed his younger brother's wrists gently and his fingers trailed over the cuffs. Those gold eyes lit up with hope and as soon as they did Raphael began to smirk. He yanked his younger brother forward, dragging him across the rough stone making him scream and weakly struggle, trying to get away even though he knew he had no where to escape to. Raphael threw his brother down and attached the cuffs to the stone floor and backed away, watching as Gabriel twisted and turned, fighting to curl up and protect his fragile body._

_{Master I have returned.} Xaphanel said as he appeared out of his blue flames with a small basket and a sealed jug._

_Gabriel's eyes went wide as Raphael nodded. "Good job Xaphanel. Take the meat and cut it up so that the whore can eat it better and pour him a cup of the milk."_

_"Raph… What are you going to do to me?" Gabriel asked, his voice shaking from his fear, as he watched the demon leave the room with the things he brought._

_The elder angel gave his bound brother a sweet smile. "I'm worried about your health. You're feverish and Xaphanel said you haven't been eating even though he's tried to feed you. I just thought that since you decided to turn your nose up at the good food I'm allowing you to have that maybe I should give you something more deserving of your new title of whose instead."_

_Xaphanel appeared once more but this time he was accompanied by the most horrendous smell. The demon sat the plate and cup down next to the Fourth Born and Raphael nearly burst into laughter as his brother tried not to gag. The cup was filled nearly to the brim with soured, chunky milk. On the plate was a pile of rotting meat that was turning a shade of slimy green and it was moving. It took the elder archangel a minute to figure out that the moving bits were actually maggots moving around in the rotting meat; Xaphanel had out done himself in getting what he had asked for._

_{Here is what you asked for Master.} Xaphanel said with a low bow. {Do you require anything else from me?}_

_"No. You may stay and watch if you wish. I'm just going to feed the whore. We can fuck him after he's eaten."_

_Gabriel's eyes went wide and turned to look at the 'food' sitting next to him before he turned back to Raphael, panic clear on his face. "Y-you...Raphael please! You can't be serious! You can't give me that!"_

_"Well since you won't eat the good food I was kind enough to give to you I figured this would be more to your liking. I had Xaphanel get it special for you." Raphael said._

_He summoned a fork and dropped down on top of his brother, pinning the younger angel's head between his knees while sitting on his chest. He speared a piece of the meat on the fork and held it out to his baby brother, watching the little white bugs wiggle around. Gabriel's gold eyes went wide with horror as he took in the sight of the bug infested meat. His jaw snapped shut with an audible click and he shook his head as best he could._

_"Come now Whore, you need to keep your strength up. You said yourself that you are getting sick and I just want to help you get better. Don't you want to get better for me?" Raphael asked bringing the squirming meat closer._

_Gabriel shook his head, too afraid to open his mouth. He knew that if he opened his mouth that Raphael would make him eat it. He just had to keep his mouth closed until his older brother got bored and left him alone. He just had to hold out until that happened._

_"I just want you to get better. We can't play anymore if you don't get better." Raphael said before he realized a way to get his brother to open his mouth. "After all how is it that the saying goes? 'Starve a cold, feed a fever?"_

_"You reversed it you stupid-"_

_Raphael grinned and shoved the forkful of meat into Gabriel's open mouth. Gabriel bucked and opened his mouth intending to spit the foul meat back out but Raphael slammed his hand over his brother's mouth. Tears streamed down the blonde's face as he struggled and fought tooth and nail to expel the rotten meat but it was no use._

_The Third Born let out a dark noise as he realized that his brother wasn't swallowing. He knew how to fix that. He put down the fork and reached up and pinched Gabriel's nose closed. The panic and struggling increased and it made Raphael laugh. It continued up until Gabriel began to slowly go limp under him. Raphael was glad he was watching closely as he almost missed his brother swallowing down his meal._

_He let go of his brother, allowing the younger to breath once more. Gabriel coughed and wheezed, his chest heaving as drew in breath after breath. Raphael watched carefully, taking in the slightly green tinge to his baby brother's skin. He picked up his fork once more and skewered another piece of meat._

_"I'm sorry!"_

_Raphael paused and looked down at his crying brother. "Excuse me?"_

_"I said I'm sorry!" Gabriel almost screamed._

_"You're sorry?"_

_"Yes!" He cried out, squirming and bucking under Raphael. "I'm sorry I didn't eat the food you gave me. I promise that it won't happen again. I'll eat anything you give me just please don't feed me anymore of that."_

_"But this will help you get better." The older angel insisted, bring the meat closer. "You need to eat it."_

_"Please don't! I'm going to throw up!" Gabriel begged._

_Raphael pulled back with a grin. "I'll make a deal with you Little Brother. If you can manage to keep down a drink of your milk then not only will I give you back your proper food, but I'll also let you skip out on pleasuring both myself and Xaphanel. If you can't keep it down then I will force you to finish the rest and, as punishment for not eating when you were told, from now on you'll only get one meal once a week. Do we have a deal?"_

_Gabriel looked over at the milk and his green tinge grew. Raphael knew that there was no way that Gabriel would be able to do it. He was already close to vomiting. Six days with no food only to be fed rotting meat and spoiled milk would be enough to kill most humans if they were lucky; he believed they called it food poisoning. Gabriel's Grace, bound as it was, would still be able to heal him as long as one of the Sigil Cuffs was removed in time. After all, he didn't want Gabriel dead, he just wanted him to suffer for all the things he had done._

_Gabriel's eyes fixed on the cup and he seemed to try and swallow, making his green tinge grow again. "I...I'll try it. I'll try to keep it down."_

_Raphael set the fork down and pulled the Sigil Cuffs off the floor allowing his brother to sit. He grabbed a clean bucket and brought it over for Gabriel incase the younger angel couldn't hold up his end of the bargain. Once the blonde was sitting it was even more apparent that he was not going to be able to do it. He was swaying slightly and one hand was clutching at his stomach._

_Smirking, the Third Born picked up the goblet of milk and held it out to his younger brother, making a face at the smell. Gabriel took it with shaking hands. His gold eyes stared down into the cup and the longer they stared the more determination filled them. Raphael was about to force it down Gabriel's throat just when the smaller angel lifted the cup to his lips._

_The cup hit the floor with a loud clang as the blonde was suddenly bent over the bucket vomiting. Raphael burst into laughter at the sight of his younger brother's shaking body as it tried to rid itself of the foulness that he had been forced to consume. Xaphanel was watching with interest, taking everything in, no doubt trying to learn the best ways for torturing the helpless blonde for the times when he wouldn't be around to do it._

_"Looks like I win the bet." Raphael said with a smirk._

_"No!" Gabriel shouted, his stomach finally done purging itself. "You said if I could keep the milk down! I haven't gotten to try yet!"_

_With a laugh the older archangel summoned a spoon and scooped up some of the sour milk off the floor and held it out with a grin. "Then by all means, Little Brother, show me how to keep it down. Remember, this is your meals at stake."_

_Gabriel let out a shaky noise and took the spoon. He managed to bring it up to his mouth but no sooner did he open his mouth then the smell hit him once more. This time he dropped the spoon into the bucket and began throwing up once more. Raphael was nearly in tears from laughing so hard at his younger brother's pain. He waited until he was sure the blonde was done before he took the bucket away, giving the mess a thoughtful look._

_"Looks like I really do win. Enjoy your dinner Whore." Raphael said shoving the bucket back to the Fourth Born._

_Gabriel stared at the bucket in his hands before looking up at his brother with tears in his eyes. He threw the bucket to the floor, splattering the contents across the floor and some of it landing on Raphael's shining boots. He glared at him, his frail bruised body at odds with the glare._

_"What did I ever do to make you hate me so much Raphael? The brother I knew and loved would never do this to me!" Gabriel snapped._

_Raphael let out a growl and grabbed his younger brother by the hair, shoving him face down in the very mess he made. "Know this, Whore, you are nothing to me other then a warm body to satisfy me. Obey me and you might just live. Disobey me and I'll make Lucifer's punishment and what happened to Razael, seem like nothing. Do you understand?"_

_Gabriel fought and screamed._

_"I said do you understand Whore?!"_

_"I understand!" Gabriel shouted._

_Raphael glared and stood, kicking Gabriel hard in the side, enjoying the sound of ribs breaking, before turning to Xaphanel. "Make sure he gets a bath. I don't care about how cold the water is. Just get it done before I come back."_

_{Yes Master!} Xaphanel said, hurrying to do as he was asked._

_As he walked away all Raphael could hear was the sounds of his younger brother's agonized sobbing._

SSSSS

"How long has he been like that?" Dean asked.

"Going on four hours now." Michael said. "He woke up screaming for Gabriel."

"Has he said anything else?" Castiel asked with a frown.

"No." Lucifer replied. "All he does is cry and keep saying that he's sorry over and over again."

The four watched as Sam and Chuck sat with a sobbing Raphael, who was staring at a spot just in front of him. The words 'I'm sorry' kept falling from his lips but no one knew what he was apologizing for. Only Raphael could see the transparent figure of Gabriel, sitting in front of him, telling him that he was forgiven for what had happened between them.


	4. Coffee and Crazy

**Chapter 4: Coffee and Crazy**

Sam sat the steaming cup of coffee down in front of Raphael, watching as the angel gave the steaming liquid a curious look. Sam slid the creamer, milk, and sugar closer before handing him a spoon. The look on his face when from curiosity to confusion as he stared at the additional things. He took the spoon and gave the coffee a curious look. Raphael suddenly turned and looked to his left at the empty chair across from him before the confusion seemed to clear up.

The hunter watched as the archangel picked up the cup and took a sip, making a face at the bitter liquid. He was about to explain about what to do but the dark skinned angel looked at the empty chair once more. He picked up the spoon and added a spoonful of sugar and stirred it before making another face and adding another spoonful. As he took another drink his eyes went to the chair once more before turning to give the milk and creamer a thoughtful look.

"What do you think?" Sam asked.

"It's not bad." The angel admitted. "Different."

"I was going to tell you to add the sugar and creamer to it until you liked it but you seem to know how to do that without my help." The hunter said. "I though you never had coffee before?"

Raphael flushed, a guilty look passing over his face. "I haven't. I just remember seeing other humans do the same. I figured that it couldn't be that hard to figure out."

The was a loud bang followed but a string of curses that sounded to be in a different language. Sam frowned and looked up at the noise before shaking his head and turning back to Raphael. There was a louder noise, a crash this time, followed by the sounds of hysterical laughter and concerned voices floating down the hall. Deciding it was best to go see what was happening he left the Third Born alone kitchen. Raphael waited until he was sure Sam was gone before turning to the transparent figure sitting in the chair across and to the left of him.

"You keep that up and you're going to get me in trouble." Raphael hissed out at his younger brother's ghost.

^What did I do?!^ Gabriel asked looking quite offended.

"You keep talking to me and it's distracting!" Raphael said. "You're making me look like I've gone crazy."

^You were crazy anyway. What difference does it make if you actually show that you're crazy now?^ Gabriel asked with a smirk.

"Do you want them to lock me up?" The Third Born asked. "Because that's what they'll do if they see me talking to myself or to thin air! Then how will I ever figured out how to get you out of this mess you're stuck in?"

^I am not thin air!^ The blonde snapped. ^And I wouldn't even be in this mess if it wasn't for that attack dog of yours!^

"Fine. Hot air then." The dark skinned angel said, ignoring the second part of his brother's words. "You never did know how to shut up."

^Why do you have to be such a dick Raph? I was just trying to help you.^ Gabriel said with a huff. ^Besides...you're the only person-^

"I know!" Raphael snapped loudly.

"Know what?" Sam asked coming back into the kitchen.

Raphael flushed. "I know how I'm going to have my coffee from now on. This is very good. Thank you for introducing me to this Sam."

Sam gave him a weak smile. "You're welcome. Gabriel loved his coffee too but we had a difference of opinion on how to drink it."

The angel gave him a curious look. "Is there more then one way to drink it?"

The hunter gave a little chuckle. "Everyone drinks their coffee differently. For me I like it with two sugars and milk. Dean likes it black. Crowley likes it with a splash of brandy. Michael takes one sugar and French vanilla creamer. Lucifer likes two sugars and Irish cream. Chuck likes three sugars and cream instead of milk. Balthazar only drinks tea."

Raphael frowned at the one person that was missing from the list. "What about Gabriel? You didn't tell me how he took his coffee."

Sam let out a chuckle. "That's because you couldn't really call what he drank coffee. It was more like he drank coffee flavored milk and sugar. One part milk, one part sugar, one part coffee. I still can't figure out just how he managed to drink it. I couldn't stand it. I would never let him kiss me after drinking it. It was too sweet."

^Sam just doesn't have good taste. My coffee was amazing!^ Gabriel said.

Raphael let out a chuckle. "Gabriel always did have a rather unnatural obsession with sweets. We never managed to figure out where he got it from. Dad doesn't even have that big of a sweet tooth. Get Lucifer in the right mood and he's almost just as bad as Gabriel though."

"At lease Gabriel and I didn't go on fruit binges like you." Lucifer said coming into the room, a huge bruise forming on the side of his face along with a huge cut in the center of the bruise.

Raphael jumped up, horror appearing on his face. Michael appeared close behind the Second Born a bloody rag in his hand. Dean and Castiel were the next ones in and the hunter was trying not to laugh while the younger angel was beet red. Lucifer took a seat across from Raphael and Michael followed him, dabbing gently at the cut.

^What the hell? Who the fuck cleaned Luci's clock and what the hell did I have to be stuck here and miss it?^ Gabriel asked.

"Lucifer are you alright? What happened? Where you attacked?" Raphael asked, rephrasing the blonde's questions so that they weren't so vulgar.

Castiel's flush grew. "No he wasn't attacked. The fault for his injury was mine. I wasn't as careful as I should have been. Lucifer I really am sorry."

Lucifer gave him a smile and then winced as Michael pressed too hard. "It was an accident Castiel. You don't have to apologize to me for what happened. I'm just glad you didn't get hurt. That could have been bad."

^What happened?!^ Gabriel asked again. ^What did I miss?!^

"You still shouldn't have protected me. I would have been fine." Castiel insisted. "I don't like it when other people get hurt because of me."

"That's what family does Cas. Remember?" Dean asked his mate. "Family is there to love and support each other and occasionally taking a blow from them."

Michael looked up at Dean. "You make it sound like Lucifer took an angel blade for him. It was just a book."

"A book did that kind of damage?" Raphael asked curiously. "How could a book do such damage to an archangel?"

"The cover was made from metal." Chuck said coming in carrying the book. "It appears that the Men of Letters somehow found an angelic tome."

Raphael stood and came over to look at the book. "This is the Hereafter Tome. It's been missing for nearly three millenia. How did humans manage to find it?"

^You mean to tell me that book was right under to noses of god and three archangels and none of us knew it?^ Gabriel asked. ^We're losing our touch.^

"My guess is they found it and figured out what it was a hid it to keep it safe." Michael said. "That seemed to be their purpose anyway. We never would have found it if Casteil hadn't knocked over the book self."

"So what is this Here whatever tome thingy?" Dean asked.

"It's a tome that explains in great detail exactly what happens when someone dies. It explains where the soul goes depending on what you are. Like for humans they can go to heaven or hell." Raphael explained. "It also tells how to redeem a soul in Purgatory so that it may find it's finally rest."

That had Dean sitting up straighter. "Think I could use it to help a friend there? He's a vampire named Benny. He helped Sam, Cas, and I all escape from there."

Raphael turned and glanced at his father, who gave him a smile and nod. "Sure. We can give him the rest he seeks."

Dean looked like Christmas came early.

^Is there a section on angels in there?^ Gabriel asked coming closer to Raphael and passing right through Lucifer making the angel shiver and look around.

"I wonder if there is..." Raphael said, taking the book from his father and flipping through some of the pages.

^Shouldn't you know?^ Gabriel asked. ^You're a Loreist!^

"I didn't memorize every book." Raphael muttered, not realizing he was drawing confused looks from the rest of his family.

^Why not? I memorized every healing spell, poison, antidote, and elixir there is. How hard can it be to memorize a damn book?!^ The blonde snapped.

"Books are a lot different then plants." Raphael replied. "I think that this might help but I need more time to look through it."

^Like how much time are we talking about? Hours? Days?^ The Fourth Born asked, his tone clipped and filled with tension.

"It might take me a few weeks." The dark skinned angel admitted.

^Well don't just stand there! Start looking!^ Gabriel said. ^This can't wait! My mate is human! I need to get back to him! Snap to it! Chop, chop!^

"If you don't shut your mouth then so help me-"

"Raphael?"

The archangel looked up to find the his father, the two hunter, and his three bothers staring at him. Raphael flushed and tried to think of a reason why he would be talking the way he was. He could feel his face heating up and his body felt strange.

^Pass out Raph.^ Gabriel said. ^Right now. Pass out. Roll your eyes, close them, drop the book and let your knees give out. They'll catch you and then give yourself a minute and 'wake up' and act dazed. You can pass it off as exhaustion and a fainting spell.^

Knowing he didn't have another choice unless he wanted to appear crazy he rolled his eyes before closing them and let the book fall. He braced himself and let his knees give out and he felt three pair of hands catch him and he was pulled close to someone's chest. It didn't take him long to figure out that it was Lucifer who was holding him, gently running his Grace over him. He heard the worried concerns of the others and let out a small groan before pulling back and looking up into Lucifer's blue eyes. The Second Born seemed relieved that he 'awake' again.

"Raphael?" He asked softly.

"Lucifer? What...Why am I on the floor?" The dark skinned angel asked.

"Don't you remember?" Lucifer asked, his worry growing once more. "You were looking at the Hereafter tome and you started talking crazy and then you passed out."

Raphael turned to look around before turning back to Lucifer. "I did? I don't remember. I feel weird. Tired."

"Maybe you should get some rest. You have a mortal body now. It's best that you take care of it. It'll help make your Grace stronger. Let's get you to your room okay?" Lucifer asked, helping to get his younger brother to his feet.

"I'm okay. Really." Raphael insisted.

^Nice acting.^ Gabriel said. ^Who knew you had such and amazing hidden talent? What else are you hiding from us? Can you do ballet too?^

"It would make me feel better if you laid down. Then you are going to eat when you wake up. That's an order." Lucifer said pulling him from the kitchen. "And I want you up here with the rest of us. You're going to have a room near me."

The dark skinned angel frowned. "But Michael said-"

"I don't give a damn what Michael says." Lucifer snapped before calming himself. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"You have every right to-"

"No I don't." Lucifer said stopping him. "I talked to Dad about this after I yelled at you last week. He made me realize that I wasn't being fair to you. What you did...I have no right to blame you for. You were tainted and in pain and none of us saw it. We were all so involved in our own little worlds that none of us even thought about the changes we could see in you.

"That wasn't fair to you and it made you lash out. For that I owe you an apology. We all do. So I just want you to know that I'm sorry Raph. I can't fix the past but I can promise to be here now for you. If you ever need anything or just want someone to talk to then I want you to know that my door is always open. Anytime. Day or night." Lucifer said stopping before a door and opening it.

Raphael frowned and stepped inside only to freeze. It was his room. Someone had gone to heaven and brought all of his things down. His desk, his pictures, his books, even his fur blankets and leather pillows. Everything that he held most dear was all right here in this one room. He stepped further in and looked around in awe.

"This is-"

"I want you to be happy here." Lucifer said. "I want this place to be your home too. I went to heaven and grabbed all your things and brought them down. I've spent the past week getting this room ready for you. I hope that's okay?"

^Holy shit.^ Gabriel said looking around. ^Looks like Luci really out did himself for you Raph. If I were you I'd be grateful. Lucifer hates going to heaven. He's not really welcome there and when he does go they other angels don't treat him well.^

Raphael turned and went over and hugged Lucifer. "Thank you Lucifer. You have no idea how much this means to me."

Lucifer hugged him back and kissed his cheek. "It's nothing. Now go lay down and get some rest. I don't need you passing out again."

Raphael nodded and went over to the bed. He kicked off his shoes and laid down, relishing the feeling of the soft bed. Lucifer left and Raphael waited for a few minutes to be sure he was alone. He turned to look at his ghostly brother.

"This is all your fault Gabriel!" Raphael hissed out.

^How is it my fault?!^ The blonde asked.

"Stop talking to me in public! They're going to think I've gone mad! If I get locked away because they think I'm crazy then what will you do? Right now I'm the only one who knows you exist!"

^What do you want me to do then? And if you say be quiet then forget it.^ Gabriel said with a glare. ^I don't do quiet. It's not in my nature.^

"Gabriel if you want my help then you need to only talk to me when I'm alone unless it's important. I mean it." Raphael said. "I want to be able to bring you back. I want to do it for Sam and for Lucifer. They miss you. You were the only one who could make both of them smile."

^Alright. I guess you make a good point.^ Gabriel admitted.

"Good. Just make sure you remember that next time we're in public with other people." The Third Born said. "And while I am at it thank you for getting me out of the mess you just got me into. I don't know if I could have pulled it off if you hadn't told me what to do."

^See? I knew I could make a prankster out of you!^ The blonde cheered. ^Now if only I could find you a sense of humor. Then you'd be all set.^

"You and I have very different tastes in humor Little One. Or did you forget about the time you made Michael's wings pink? He never did forgive you for that."

^Maybe not but it was funny.^

Raphael let out a little chuckle and then laid down. He was going to try to get some rest. He'd need it if he was going to bring Gabriel back. If Raphael hadn't been so wrapped up in his conversation with Gabriel then he would have realized that he wasn't exactly as alone as he thought he was. Lucifer frowned and slowly backed away from the door with a look of shock. Raphael had been talking to Gabriel but he hadn't heard anything. Was his younger brother going crazy or was it something more? There was only one way to find out for sure.

Lucifer walked down the hall and went directly to his library. He began searching through the tomes until he came to the one he was looking for. He pulled the book down and began going through it until he found the spell he was looking for. Reading off the list of ingredients he needed frowned when he realized he was missing a few but that was easily fixed. He was going to find out if his baby brother was really dead or not.

SSSSS

Taking a deep Lucifer lit the last candle and made the proper sigil in blood. He mixed together what he had in the bowl and double checked the time. Standing he stripped down to nothing, and folded his clothes and sat them aside. Picking up the bowl he walked into the circle and right up to the fire. He cut his hand on the sharp edge he had made on the bowl and let his blood drip onto the mixture before dumping the contents into the fire. There was a bright flash and a bang followed by a cry of pain. Lucifer looked up and his jaw dropped. He couldn't believe his eyes.

^Fucking hell! That hurt! Who the hell is the asshole that decided to drag me here? I hope you're ready for a fat lip because I'm going to fucking punch you!^ The short angry blonde shouted.

"Gabriel?"


	5. Gabriel

**Chapter 5: Gabriel**

"Gabriel?"

Gabriel turned to find Lucifer staring at him. He took in the sight of his older brother and he felt his heart clench in his chest. Lucifer had lost weight. A lot of weight. Far too much to be considered healthy. Gabriel could count nearly every rib on his brother and the very sight made him sick. Had his death done this to his brother? It couldn't be. Lucifer couldn't be mourning over him. Why would he do that when he had a mate to take care of?

^Wow Luci. You've really let yourself go. You shouldn't do that. What's Mike going to say about this? Or Crowley? Heaven forbid if Sam finds out. He'd kick your ass faster then you could blink.^ Gabriel said before letting out a chuckle, trying to hide just how upset his brother's condition was making him. ^I think I'd pay good money to see that happen. Of course I'd make sure that you'd both do it in a pool of warm oil. Makes things slip together a bit better if you catch my drift.^

Lucifer was still staring and it made Gabriel pause in confusion, before a thought occurred to him. He had just been summoned and was pulled away from Raphael without any warning. He had been dragged from the cozy bunker and out to this run down church in the middle of who knows where, with his brother standing butt naked in front of him. That meant that Lucifer had somehow figured out that something was up and had set up a summoning spell. And not just any summoning spell, Gabriel realized glancing at what was left in the fire. Lucifer had went through a lot of time and effort and made sure to summon him specifically. Now there was only one thing left for him to do in this case.

^Lucifer? Can...Can you hear me?^ Gabriel asked softly, fear and hope warring in his heart.

The taller blonde nodded, still too shocked to do anything other then stare.

^Can...Can you see me too?^ He asked next, hope filling his voice.

Again Lucifer nodded.

Gabriel let out a 'Whoop' of joy and jumped into the air, fist pumping at the same time. ^I can't believe it! You can see me! Oh thank Dad! I thought I was going to be stuck with Raph forever! How did you figure it out? When did you figure it out? Poor Raph has been terrified to say something to anyone about me! He thought you'd think he was crazy!^

"I'm not too sure I haven't gone crazy too." Lucifer admitted. "You died Gabby. We took you off your life support. We held a vigil for you. We burned your body to lay you to rest. You have a memorial stone set up outside the bunker so we could gain peace at your passing. It's been almost six months since Raphael and Dad managed to save you from Xaphanel. How are you still here?"

^You tell me.^ Gabriel said, his cold tone clipped and just barely civil sounding. ^One minute I was talking to Sam about us and...I was dying. I was bleeding internally and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Even if the Sigil Cuffs had been removed in time I still wouldn't have been strong enough to save myself. The next thing I know I'm standing next to Raph in his room trying to figure out what the fuck happened.^

"Dad and Raphael saved you from Xaphanel but there was a lot of damage done to your vessel. Not only were there external injuries but internal ones too. Dad had barely got that fixed when Sam pointed out the worst part. You stopped breathing and Dad hadn't realized it. He managed to clear your airway of the blood and get you breathing again but-"

^How long was I without oxygen for?^ Gabriel asked and Lucifer could see the calculations running behind those gold eyes.

Lucifer swallowed hard, not really wanting to break the bad news to his sibling even if it didn't matter anymore. "Almost ten minutes. Unfortunately at the time your Grace was still Bound and it means that you were human so-"

^My brain started to die. Brain death occurs after six minutes and you said I was without it for ten.^ The Fourth Born sad with a sigh. ^Yeah. So I was probably brain dead or something close to it. So I take it you got me to a doctor then? Not a human one I hope.^

Lucifer nodded. "Raphael brought Suriel to you. He had you on life support for almost a month. It was only when you began to bruise that we realized you were really gone."

^Bruise? That means that my body started to break down then. Damn. I figured something like that might start to happen but I had no idea exactly what would. I should have known that the body wouldn't last like a normal vessel.^ Gabriel said looking pensive. ^And since you burned it then there's nothing left for anyone to use to make me another one unless dad still has my things.^

"I don't understand what you mean." Lucifer said. "Can't we just find another vessel for you to fill? How hard can that be?"

^I've tired to find a vessel. I can't get in. I've even tried people who are brain dead. I just can't get in and I don't know why.^ Gabriel explained. ^I am literally stuck like this!^

"We'll just find you a vessel that you can occupy then!" Lucifer said. "How hard can that be? There are millions of people on this planet. One of them is bound to work!"

^Didn't you ever wonder why I had a different vessel when you saw me at the hotel again?^ Gabriel asked suddenly, staring him down.

Lucifer blinked, thrown off by the sudden question. "I assumed you wanted to change vessels to better hide from heaven. Isn't that why you did it?"

^No.^ Gabriel said curtly. ^That wasn't the reason at all. There are only three people who know why I had this form.^

The Second Born frowned. "I assume that two of those three are yourself and Sam. Mostly likely Raphael is the third. Why won't you to tell me? Do you not trust me Gabby?"

Gabriel glared. ^I do trust you Lucifer. You should know that better then anyone. What happened to me is not really relevant, I was just trying to make a point to you but you distracted yourself. The point I'm trying to make is the fact the my vessel's bloodline ended several thousand years ago. It was wiped out completely. The vessel that I had wasn't really a vessel. Well it was but it wasn't. It was actually made from my last vessel. It was nothing more then a doll. A fake body. It began to degrade because I was no longer there to keep it together with my Grace.^

"So how are we going to get you back into a body then?" Lucifer asked, his heart sinking at the fact that Gabriel might not be contained ever again.

^No idea.^ Gabriel said. ^I was hoping you would know. You're the Spell Weaver. Think of something! I want to get back to my husband!^

Lucifer sighed. "I have no idea either and this spell I'm using won't last forever. I'm surprised it even worked at all."

^Great! So I'm going to end up stuck right back with Raphael then? That's just wonderful.^ Gabriel grouched. ^He's a damn stick in the mud.^

"At least he'll have help now. Trying to bring you back, I mean. Maybe between the two of us we can work something out." Lucifer said with a smile.

Gabriel nodded but he seemed distracted. The taller blonde frowned but waited for Gabriel to speak. He could see the question burning in those gold eyes. He was rewarded for his patience when the Fourth Born looked up at him with a pained and worried expression.

^Lucifer...Tell me. Is Sam really doing okay? I have to know.^ Gabriel said. ^I've seen how he looks but how is he really doing? Is he okay without me?^

Lucifer gave his brother a smile. "Sam's okay Gabriel. He misses you more then anything. He still doesn't speak a lot but I think he's finally starting to get his life back together a bit. Mostly because Dean told him that you wouldn't want him wasting away over you. It seemed to help. Sam began eating again and finally started going back outside. He wears your wedding bands around his neck and Razael's feather around his wrist. It made me start wearing mine again." He said reached up to touch the necklace around his neck.

Gabriel nodded and his whole posture was practically screaming with relief. ^Good. Sam deserves to be happy.^

"He won't be happy until we can get you back." Lucifer admitted. "At least this explains why Dad could't find you. I had to do a spell for summoning a lost soul. I didn't think it would work at all because we're made of Grace."

^Even better. As if my life right now isn't fucked up enough.^ Gabriel spat.

Lucifer looked pensive about something.

^What?^ Gabriel asked.

The taller blonde flushed. "I know this is none of my business but I need to know the answer. There's a possibility that your answer can help me help you. Since you and Sam have been sleeping together did you ever top him?"

Gabriel stared at him, looking slightly offended by the question. ^What does my sex life have to do with anything?^

"Do you want my help or not Gabby?" Lucifer snapped.

^No.^ Gabriel snapped back. ^I never got around to showing Sam how wonderful it feels to be impaled on a nice, big, fat-^

"Damn it Gabriel!" Lucifer yelled, not up to dealing with his brothers Trickster persona, as he turned to leave. "If you don't want my help then fine! You should have just said so!"

^I'm sorry.^

Lucifer paused; he almost hadn't heard the whispered apology but he turned back to Gabriel anyway. "Gabby I am trying to help you but I can't help you if you don't let me."

^I really am sorry Lucifer. You have no idea how hard this is.^ The blonde said, his eyes locked on the fire. ^I can see and hear Sam but I can't touch him and he doesn't even know I'm here.^

"That's why I want to help you. I can't do that if you aren't willing to let me." Lucifer said. "So are you going to tell me what I need to know so that I can help you?"

Gabriel nodded. ^What do you need to know Luci?^

"Anything you can tell me that might help."

^Okay. Raphael wiped out my vessel's bloodline out of spite right after your fall.^ Gabriel said casually as if it were no big deal.

The Second Born blinked. "Raphael wiped out a whole bloodline? Why?"

^'Traitors like you that sleep with the Devil don't deserve the right to be contained in a vessel. You'll never walk the Earth again as punishment for your crimes.'^ Gabriel quoted, his voice flat.

Lucifer felt himself flinch. "I'm sorry. They must have hated you because of me. I never meant for that to-"

^Finish that sentence and ghost or not I will still kick your ass.^ Gabriel said looking up at him. ^I have never, NEVER, regretted being with you Luci. Not even when they accused me of sleeping with you just so I could be your second in command and we could rule hell together. I nearly died laughing the first time someone said it to my face. Michael then punched them and shattered their jaw. I spent the next twenty minutes dividing my time between healing the moron that spoke up and berating Michael for involving himself in my affairs. Now back to matter of my vessel.^

The taller blonde swallowed hard as guilt ate at him; now he could see why his younger brother left heaven. "You said that the form you have now isn't really a vessel but was made from him? How is that possible?"

^Simple. After Raphael wiped out the blood line of my vessel I began biding my time. I started plucking feathers, cutting hair, and drawing blood. I knew he was planning something I just didn't know when he'd decide to pull it off. He kept dropping hints about how my time was coming and how sorry I'd be that I hadn't listened to him.^ Gabriel explained.

^Turns out that I was right to do so. Michael sent us out on a mission to quell a small group of your followers. It was nothing more then a trap. We easily took them out because the information we had was wrong. Instead of a group of fifty there was only ten and they weren't doing anything. Turned out the trap was for me. We killed all but two and those two turned out to be there on Raphael's orders.^

Lucifer watched as Gabriel's fist clenched; how he wanted to go over and hug his brother but he knew that wasn't possible. "They attacked you didn't they?"

Gabriel looked up, the pain on his face visible. ^They chained me up and I was forced from my vessel and banished back to heaven. They kill him Luci. They burned my vessel alive with holy fire. I lost my vessel's soul. I lost him that day and it still hurts. I promised to protect him and I couldn't. You can never understand just how bad that hurts. He was mine to protect. He was only a child. He wasn't ever seventeen. Not a day goes by that I don't wonder if there was more I could have done.^

"Gabby I'm so sorry." Lucifer said softly.

Any angel could tell you just how protective they were over their vessel's souls. He didn't know what he would ever do if something had happened to Sam; go mad most likely. It was the same for Michael even if the First Born didn't show it. Michael loved Adam dearly as the boy and he shared a vessel for a time but the Warrior was also hyper vigilant when it came to Dean as well. Lucifer had no idea how to even fathom the pain of losing a soul. Hell when he had taken over Nick he had allowed the man to rest peacefully and Nick's request, giving his soul over to a Reaper the first chance he had.

^It's fine. It was a long time ago.^ Gabriel said softly. ^After I was thrown back into heaven Raphael showed up and had this amazing story about what happened and he managed to pull off a wonderful little act to make it believable. All I can remember is laying there dazed. I was in pain and still disoriented when Raph showed up.

^He was in a blind panic and screaming for Michael. He told Mike that he was scared because we were ambushed and got separated. He told him that he was worried when he felt my Grace flare up and when he finally killed off the rest all he found was the burning body of my vessel. Michael assured him I was safe and that was the end of it.^

"Wait. You mean to tell me that Michael believed him? After how Raphael had been treating you all this time and he just let it go?" Lucifer asked in disbelief.

^What did you expect Luci? I think if nothing else Mike was just relieved that I was still in once piece. He had just lost you and I was attacked and my vessel destroyed. I think my safety was his primary concern. He was more worried with keeping me safe because I was all he had left of you. He never let me go anywhere alone after that until we had our fight. He was always near me and asking about you. Wanting to know about you and wanting to know about us. That was when I realized that he was in love with you. Talk about an eye opener, that's for sure.^

"So what happened after that? How did you get a new vessel?" Lucifer asked, his curiosity running rampant.

^I managed to find a few temporary vessels and began my work. I went to the River Jordan and got the clay I needed then headed to Mount Everest to get some snow to melt into water. It didn't take long for me to begin crafting what I needed. My new body. I decided to try and recreate my vessel exactly as it was before I lost it. I was surprised when it actually worked. I got my vessel back.^ Gabriel said with a small smile.

Lucifer frowned. "I've never heard of such a thing. Was it a spell?"

^Yes and no. I found in Razael's journal.^ The Fourth Born admitted. ^He was looking for a way to give us vessels without us having to take someone away from their family. I can only guess that what I used came from the Angelis Lexicon. It was Raz's responsibility to guard the book and he took it very seriously but he was also concerned about family. I guess he was trying to help both humans and angels.^

Lucifer gave Gabriel a weak smile. "He was your son through and through. He inherited your compassion. Something I could never seem to figure out."

^And he got your determination. He was just like you.^ Gabriel said, returning the smile before looking down, his voice turning wishful and his expression becoming sorrowful. ^I asked Sam for a child before I was killed. We talked about it and decided that if we had one that we'd want a girl. Sam said yes to it. He even had a name picked out and ready. Mary Rosie Winchester. Sam wanted her to have my hair and I wanted her to have his eyes. She'd be beautiful Luci. And you and Cassie and Dean-o and Mike would have been her god parents.^

"Don't worry Gabby. We'll get you back into a vessel again." Lucifer said, his voice filling with determination. "I will get you back to Sam and I want to let you and him start a life together. And you know something else Gabby?"

Gabriel looked up, his gold eyes shining with hope and filling with tears. ^What else should I know Luci?^

"I think Raz would have wanted you to have another child. He always did want siblings. He many not be with us anymore but you can still make that happen for him." Lucifer said with a smile. "And how knows? You might not be the only one to give him a younger brother or sister. Mike and I talked about it as well. Now I just need to bring you back so I can have the best healer in world take care of me."

Gabriel gave him a teary smile. ^Nothing would make me happier Luci. I suggest going into my duffle. There's a secret spot in the bottom that's sown shut. It has a small notebook and a few other things but the notebook is what you want. It has the spell I used to make my vessel. With any luck Dad still has what I gave him.^

Lucifer nodded. "I'll grab Raph and get started as soon as we can and-"

There was a loud beeping the came from Lucifer's clothes.

"-SHIT! Gabby! I'm sorry!"

Gabriel's eyes went wide and his body became tense. ^Sorry? Sorry for what? What's happening Lucifer?^

"The spell is ending." Lucifer said with a wince. "You're going to go back to where I pulled you from. If it hurt coming here then it will probably hurt going back too. Sorry."

Gabriel blinked before his expression changed to one that Lucifer remembered hearing Dean call a bitch face. ^MOTHERFU-^  
The Second Born could only blink as his brother vanished from sight mid curse. He almost felt bad for Raphael. No doubt the Trickster's reappearance would spook him Oh well. Better Raph then him. With a smile he turned and walked over to his clothes and began getting dressed. He had a Little Bother to save.


	6. Talks and Bad Ideas

**Chapter 6: Talks and Bad Ideas**

"And Gabriel said this would work?" Raphael asked looking over the elegant script in his younger brother's small journal. "He was sure of it?"

"He said it worked last time Raph. Why wouldn't it work this time?" Lucifer asked, making sure he had plenty of room to work in the room they had emptied out on the lower levels.

"I don't know." The Third Born admitted. "I mean this seems a bit far fetched don't you think? Not only that but Razael was the only one who was supposed to use the spells in the Lexicon. There was a reason that the book was forbidden. Look what it did to him and what Michael was able to do with it. What's contained in that book is dangerous."

Lucifer turned to look at him, suppressing a flinch at his son's name. "I know that. Believe me I know how dangerous it is. I glanced through it before I hid it. This spell is our only chance though. I'm not trying to be mean when I say this or bring up bad memories but if his vessel's blood line still existed then we wouldn't have to do this. Just be thankful I know how to sculpt clay or else we'd both be shit out of luck."

Raphael took in the large buckets of the yellowish gold clay that were piled around the room. "Why clay from the Jordan River? Why does it need to be made with this clay specifically?"

^Because it has some of the finest clay in the world.^ Gabriel said as he appeared, making his brother jump. ^There's less contaminates in it meaning it comes out pure. It doesn't actually have to be from there but it worked the best for what I wanted to do.^

Since Lucifer had cast his spell more then two weeks ago it had come with an added bonus for the youngest archangel. Gabriel was now able to move more freely. He could come and go and space didn't seem to be an issue but he did have to return to Raphael's side within an hours time. It allowed the blonde more freedom to check on his mate. It also gave the Third Born a much needed break from his younger sibling.

"So then why did you need the snow from Everest?" Raphael asked curiously. "Why not the Jordan River like where the clay came from?"

^Again, for the purity. Less in it means it's a better quality.^ Gabriel said with a smile. ^The higher altitude means less was in it.^

Lucifer watched as the Third Born talked to Gabriel. At first it was disconcerting, seeing Raphael talking to thin air. It was even stranger to watch him stare at nothing and knowing that it was Gabriel standing there even if he couldn't see him. Now that Lucifer knew that Gabriel was there, Raphael had begun to relax a little more and the Second Born was glad to see that his younger brother was almost back to his normal self.

"How long is this going to take?" Raphael asked. "This seems like a lot of work. I don't want to go through all of this for nothing."

"It'll go faster if you help me." Lucifer said. "Start grabbing the the clay and helping me stack it. Once it's stacked I can start molding it into it's proper form."

Raphael nodded and reached out to touch the clay and pulled back sharply, letting out a high pitched noise at the feeling. "Is...Is it supposed to feel like that?"

Gabriel doubled over laughing at the Third Born's reaction. ^Wow. Jumpy much there Raph? You should join a choir with that type of pitch!^

The dark skinned angel turned to glare at the laughing blonde. "Stop laughing at me Gabriel! It's not funny!"

"Gabby stop laughing. Raph has never worked with clay before." Lucifer reminded him, not knowing if it would help or not. "If you remember right you squealed like a human girl the first time you touched it."

Gabriel flushed and Raphael began laughing so he could only assume that his idea had worked. Turning back to what he was doing he began sculpting once more, deciding to work his way up and stack the clay as he went. Raphael joined him a few minutes later and began stacking the clay and forming it into a rough shape. They were quite for several long minutes, working together in silence.

"Lucifer?" Came the hesitant call.

"Yeah Raphael?" He asked back, his voice just as soft, not wanting to spook him off.

"Thank you. For believing me."

Lucifer smiled. "You don't have to thank me for that."

"Then can I thank you for giving me a second chance when I didn't deserve one?" Raphael asked.

"Everyone deserves a second chance Raph. Even people like us. After Gabriel disappeared...Dad came down to the Cage to let us out so that we could help." Lucifer explained. "Not that I knew that at the time; I thought he was just there for Mike. When Dad showed up and opened the Cage, Michael rushed right out and hugged him, thanking him for coming and getting him."

Raphael frowned, his brown eyes flicking to his brother, who was focused on the clay. "What did you do Luci?"

"I stood there. I watched. I waited. Michael is my mate and seeing him so happy I couldn't help but be happy for him that Dad came and got him. To me it meant that our Dad needed his archangels once more and that Michael could go back to heaven where he belonged." The Second Born said. "After watching them hug I turned away. I didn't want to watch them leave me again. I would have rather died then watch them walk away from me again."

"And yet you're here."

Lucifer nodded. "That's because I broke down in tears even though I promised myself that I wouldn't. Michael walked back into the Cage to get me and I really thought he was telling me goodbye. I broken then. I told him everything I held in my heart for him in Lucifian and then I let him go. I shoved him out of the Cage so hard that he fell down. I thought that if I let him go the way I let Gabriel go then I could at least pretend I was happy. So I shoved him away. I told him to leave so that he could go help our father and told him that it was better this way."

"Lucifer..."

"You can imagine my shock when Dad reached into the Cage and pulled me out. He had to pull me out because I was clinging to the bars. I didn't think I deserved to have a second chance. Not after the Apocalypse. So I gave up. I was ready to be a good son and accept my punishment and stay there this time. I was ready to die there." Lucifer whispered, not realizing that Gabriel was listening with horror. "I had Michael's archangel blade and I was going to use it after they left. I was just glad that when Dad pulled me out that he sealed the Cage again."

"Promise me you won't think like that again Lucifer." Raphael said kneeling down next to the blonde. "You were always my hero. I don't want to lose you."

Lucifer stopped in what he was doing and reached out and pulled his younger brother into a tight hug, mindful of his clay stained hands. "Don't worry Raph. I've only tired once and I made a promise to everyone to never try again. If it makes you feel better then I'll make you the same promise I made them. I swear on my Grace that I will never try to kill myself ever again."

Raphael was still for a moment before he let out a sob and clung to his older brother. Lucifer held him tight without saying a word. Raphael was doing exactly like Castiel had. The archangel didn't want words of comfort, he just wanted someone there. He held his younger brother close, and for the life of him, he couldn't even remember the last time Raphael had hugged him. He knew it was before his Fall but even then it seemed like forever ago since they had actually touched each other. He didn't even realize how much he missed it till just now.

Raphael finally managed to stop sobbing and he pulled away from Lucifer, trying to dry his tears. "I'm sorry Lucifer. I don't know what came over me."

Lucifer smiled. "You don't have to apologize Raph. If anything I'm glad that you feel like you can trust me enough to see you in such a vulnerable state. You are getting better. We just have to take this one day at a time. Just like we did with Gabby."

The dark skinned angel frowned. "Just like Gabriel? What happened to Gabby? Why would he need to take things like that?"

Blue eyes turned back to the clay before the Second Born let out a sigh. "Gabriel...Gabriel got into some bad things a couple years ago. Xaphanel was freed and went after Gabriel. He broke Sam and Gabby up. Gabriel began...He started drinking heavily, cutting, sleeping around, and taking Devil's Claw all while wearing a Sigil Cuff. It...It was bad Raph. When he was brought here the first thing he tried to do was overdose because he thought that Michael and I were going to torture him. He was so scared of us Raph. What does that say about us as his big brothers? He never should have ever feared us."

"It says that we failed him in the worst possible way." Raphael said softly. "We failed him so badly that he became terrified of us. At least we can fix this. We may not be able to erase the past and what we did to him but at least we can be here for him now. We can make up for what we did. Starting by getting him back to Sam."

Lucifer nodded. "You're right. That's all we can do. If we hurry maybe we can get this finished by tomorrow."

Gabriel watched as the two went back to sculpting his new vessel. It seemed like at the very least Raphael had their Dad, Lucifer and Sam on his side. Once Michael pulled his head out of his ass then maybe his family could be whole once more. All he had to do now was wait.

SSSSS

Sam carefully cleaned the leaves off the memorial they had set up for Gabriel. It wasn't anything special; just a small cross with a pair of wings wrapped around it. He had taken it upon himself to color the wings gold so he had gone out and bought some gold paint and painted them. The gold on the wings paled in comparison to the real thing though. It almost felt like he was insulting his mate's glorious wings with the color.

Happy now that the last leaf had been removed he sat back and stared at the stone. He felt so strange. Suriel had explained to him in great detail that when a mating bond broke that the other party would feel a great deal of pain. So when the time had come he had braced himself against any pain he might have felt but instead he had felt nothing. There was no pain. Not even when Suriel had declared that Gabriel was gone.

The warmth that he had always felt with Gabriel was still there. It wasn't active like before but that warmth hadn't faded away from his mind. He hadn't said anything to anyone about it yet because he didn't want anyone to think he was crazy. The worst part was that sometimes he would feel a warm sensation brush across his arm or his cheek. Or late at night when he was sleeping he could swear that he could feel someone's fingers in his hair. It made him wonder if Gabriel was really gone. And he knew he wasnt the only one with doubts. Raphael and Lucifer seemed to be having them too.

What if Gabriel wasn't really dead? The archangel had become a Trickster for a good reason. Not to mention he was good at faking his death. How many times had he thought they they had killed Gabriel only to have the blonde come back? More times then he could count. It wouldn't be that much of a stretch for him to do it again. What would stop him from doing it one more time? Gabriel had promised him that not even death could keep them apart.

What if his mate wanted him to join in the next life? He shook his head. There was no way that Gabriel would want him to die. Not when the angel loved him so much. Besides he had made a promise to not do anything stupid. Sam frowned as a sudden though occurred to him. Hadn't Dean crossed the line of life and death for him?

What if he could do the same thing for Gabriel? What if he could cross that line and see Gabriel once more? Then he could find out if the blonde was truly gone or not. It was the only way. He had the key to Gabriel's lab. He could easily find what he needed there and make this happen. He'd wait until after dinner. Dean always checked on him after dinner. It would be perfect now he just need to-

"Sam?"

Sam turned to find Michael standing there looking at him, at flame lily in his hand. "Michael? What are you doing here?"

The blonde held up the flower. "Just bringing Gabby his favorite flower. I do it once a week. I wasn't expecting to find you here but I should have known that you'd be here." He said, coming closer and laying the flower in front of the stone.

Sam frowned. "Do you do this often?"

Michael nodded. "Every week without fail. I have four I visit, including this one."

"Four?" The hunter asked.

The First Born took a seat on the log next to Sam. "It's technically six but who's counting?"

"Who do you visit?" Sam asked before turning away. "Never mind. It's none of my business."

Michael chuckled. "It's fine. I don't mind. As you know I visit Gabby but I also visit his son, Razael, out in the Gobi Desert. Then I visit Clare and Monica in Colton, South Dakota at their home where Castiel buried them and then I visit Cheekha Dar in Iraq. It's a mountain."

"I know it's a mountain but who is buried in Iraq?" Sam asked curiously.

Michael gave him a sad smile. "Her name was Amelia. She had long beautiful red hair and the brightest blue eyes you could imagine. I accused her several times of being jealous of the sapphire and stealing away the color. She'd just laugh and accuse me of stealing the blue from the turquoise to make my own."

The human frowned. "Sounds like you cared for her a lot."

"I still love her. I always will. Nothing will ever change that." Michael said softly. "Lucifer understands it, mostly because of what he feels for Gabby."

"That's only five though." Sam pointed out. "You said you visit six. Who is the last one you visit? Or can't you see them?"

"I can see her but I just never named her." Michael said. "Sorry. I'm getting ahead of myself. Amelia was my first mate, back before the Fall. She was a Spell Weaver like Lucifer. She wasn't even supposed to be out on the battlefield though. She heard that I had been caught in an ambush and wanted to check on me even though she knew it was risky because I was on the front lines. She...By the time we found her there was nothing that could be done. Not even my Father could save her. I held her in my arms on that mountain top and whispered my goodbyes to her surrounded by the red snow. I probably would have endured her passing a bit better if she hadn't been five months pregnant."

Sam flinched. "Michael I...I'm sorry. That must have been terrible."

The First Born swallowed hard. "It was. It hurt far more then anything I could have imagined. It was like someone had taken my heart, ripped it from my chest and set it on fire before putting it back. I went a little mad after that. It...That was why I went directly after Lucifer. I thought...I thought he had her killed because of our fight. He told later that he ordered her not to be harm and those that killed her he had already taken care of."

"Why are you telling me this?" The hunter asked. "Why share this with me?"

"Because I know what's it's like to lose a mate Sam." Michael said, turning to look at him. "I'll never forget the pain I felt that day. No matter what has happened between the two of us I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk, be it about Gabriel or anything, that I'm here for you. All you have to do is ask okay?"

"When...When she died...did your mating bond fade away or did it stay?" The human hesitantly asked. "I was told they fade."

"Sometimes it takes a bit but it does fade. No more then a few days. A week at most depending on how strong the bond was." Michael said. "It took me a week to lose the one I hade with Amelia. It was a slow and painful thing but nothing was more painful then that first jolt when you lose the source of that connection. I was actually a bit shocked when you didn't make a sound that night."

Sam was quite for a minute before looking up to Michael. "I didn't feel anything. There wasn't any pain Michael. I still feel that warmth. It's not active like it was but it's still there. Is that normal or could it just be a accident?"

"I wish I could say Sam. You and Gabriel were the first ever pairing between an archangel and a human. There is no basis for us to go on with what happens or what you feel. For all we know you might never lose that connection."

"Balthazar said he felt it too. The pain. Crowley said the same. Why am I the only one that didn't feel anything when he died? Was it because I didn't love him enough? Was it because he didn't love me enough or maybe-"

Sam stopped as Michael was suddenly on his knees before him, cupping his face in his hands. "I want you to listen to me Sam okay? The bond that you and Gabriel shared? I have only felt it once before and that is the bond that your brother shares with Castiel. When you Winchesters choose to love someone who don't love in bits and pieces. You give everything you are to that person. Something I didn't even think humans were capable of doing. There is no doubt in anyone's mind that what you and my brother shared was anything other them love in it's purest form. Never doubt that Sam. Never."

Sam struggled to hold back his tears. "I miss him. I just got him back Mike."

"I know you did Sam. It was cruel that he was ripped from you so soon. If I could I would gladly have taken his place. You know this. I was taking his place for a while." Michael reminded him gently. "Now come on. Let's get you inside. I have something I want to give you. It was a weapon forged by Gabriel. I think he'd have wanted you to have it."

Sam nodded and allowed the First Born to pull him to his feet. As they walked away Sam paused and looked back at the stone. Michael let him and watched carefully. Sam slid his hand in his pocket and clutched at the little silver key it held. Turning away from the stone he let the blonde take his arm and lead him back inside. He wouldn't do it tonight but he would do it. He was going to cross the veil and see Gabriel once more.


	7. Gun and Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!   
> WARNING!   
> This chapter contains a brief torture and a non-con scene!   
> YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

**Chapter 7: Gun and Panic**

Dean watched carefully as Lucifer explained his cooking to Castiel. While his mate had never showed any signs of wanting to know how to cook before it seemed that something had changed his mind. Most likely Gabriel's death. He hadn't known just how close the two had been until Castiel revealed that before Gabriel had run from heaven, the older angel had adopted him, for all intents and purposes. The blonde had become a father figure to him and had even started training him before his quick departure due to all of the fighting. Dean was now more then certain that the only reason Castiel wanted to know how to cook was for one simple fact; Gabriel had known how to cook so Castiel also wanted to know.

"See? It's not that hard." Lucifer said with a smile. "No point in making a mountain out of a molehill. It's easy."

"No it isn't hard at all. I expected it to be much harder with the way Michael made it sound. This is less complicated then trying to put together a spell." Castiel said, watching the pot in front of him with a careful eye.

The blonde began to laugh. "You say that now but just wait until we get into the really complicated things. Then your head will really start to spin."

The dark haired angel turned with a frown. "Why will my head began to spin? Are the more complicated recipes going to allow me to be possessed by a demon?"

Dean took pity on the laughing devil to explain things to his mate. "What Lucifer means Cas is that some of the harder recipes will have you doing so many different things at once that it can be a bit dizzying. You're head won't actually spin. I promise."

"Ah. So the harder recipes are going to require more effort and concentration then the easier ones." Castiel said, finally getting it. "Why didn't Lucifer just say so in the first place?"

"That's why I love you Cas." Dean said. "Everyday you find a new way to unintentionally make me smile. Don't ever change."

"I am an angel Dean. We do not change. I have told you this."

Lucifer suddenly pulled his younger brother into a hug. "Oh Castiel I can see now why Gabby was so crazy about you. You're so innocent."

Castiel squirmed in his older brother's tight grip. "Lucifer! You're going to make me burn the food I am cooking!"

"Cas is cooking?" Came a quite voice from the door way.

Dean looked up, hope filling his heart; it was rare to hear his little brother speak anymore and he savored every word that fell from his lips anymore. "Yup! He's asked Lucifer to teach him how to cook. He's not doing bad for his first lesson even if Lucifer managed to convince Cas that the harder food to cook will possess him."

Sam frowned, holding the box in his hands closer. "Why would he do that? I'm sure that demons don't care much for cooking."

"A misunderstanding. You know Cas. Puns tend to go right over his head." Dean said, eyeing the sigil inscribed box. "What's that? You find a new play toy?"

The younger Winchester came over and took a seat next to his brother so he could show him what he had while at the same time keeping an eye on the angels by the stove. "Michael found me outside taking care of the memorial. He sat down and talked to me for a while and when we finished talking he decided to give me something that he's had for a while."

Dean eyed the box with suspicion. "What is it? Some kind of cursed object? Something that's going to turn us all into frogs? Given the kind of shit we've seen it wouldn't surprise me at all if this had some sort of nasty surprise in it."

Sam shook his head and Dean felt his heart jump for joy at the soft smile on his brother's face; he hadn't seen a smile like that since the day that Sam and Gabriel got married. "Not cursed and no frogs involved. It's...It's something that Gabe made. He gave it to Michael but Mike thought that I could put it to better use since I'm a hunter."

Green eyes flicked down to the box suddenly more curious to know what it was since from what he knew of Gabriel, the angel only made things that came from his heart and Michael wouldn't have given something like that to Sam unless it was really important. "Dare I ask what kind of toy that our Feathers made for Sir Stick in the Mud?"

Sam sat the box down on the table carefully, as if afraid that whatever was contained within might break. Dean's curiosity sky rocketed. Sam rarely treated anything with such reverence. With a grin Sam slowly opened the box and then carefully turned it towards his brother. The older hunter eyed his brother before looking in the box and when he did his breath caught in his throat.

Nestled in a bed of black velvet was the most beautiful pistol that Dean had ever laid eyes on. It seemed to be made of the same metal as an angel blade. Sigils were inscribed all along the barrel of the gun in a fine hand. The grip of the gun was inlaid with black onyx and silver filigree ran along it and there were even a few small precious stones set into it as well but instead of giving it a gaudy appearance, the gems just enhanced the gun's beauty. The oddest part was that it looked brand new, almost as if it had never been used.

Dean reached for the gun but then paused and looked up at his brother; he didn't want to upset Sam by grabbing the gun. "May I?"

Sam nodded, the smile never leaving his face. "Yeah. Go ahead. I trust you with it . And thanks for asking Dean."

With a grin he reached back in and picked up the gun, completely surprised by it's weight. Given what he knew of the angel blades he had expected the pistol to have a great deal of weight to it. Instead the gun was nearly feather light in his hands. He checked it over and found no safety on it, which he thought was odd, so he gripped the gun and pointed it at the floor. He blinked as suddenly the floor magnified as he looked down the sight. Raising it again he flipped it over in his hands before carefully putting it back, something about the box striking him as odd but he just couldn't put his finger on what exactly was bugging him.

"What do you think?" Sam asked. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"Yeah it is." Dean admitted. "You said Feathers made that? You sure?"

Sam nodded and closed the lid and held the box close once more. "Yeah. Gabriel made it when he was younger. He gave it to Michael as a present for distance fighting. Michael never cared for long distance fighting but he could bare to part with something that Gabe made for him so he kept the gun. He just never used it."

Dean thought for a second and recalled what he saw then frowned. "Well I can see why Michael never used it. How can you use a gun that doesn't have any bullets? I bet it takes some type of custom angel bullet huh? And who the hell makes a gun without a safety on it?"

Sam chuckled. "It doesn't use bullets Dean."

"What kind of gun doesn't use bullets?" The older man asked. "Is that thing some kind of joke gun or something?"

"No. It fires energy. The sigils? They work a little like a battery. They gather the energy in the air and purify it as it travels along the barrel and the runes there turn the energy into a holy bullet." Sam explained. "Michael said that Gabriel made a few guns like this but only this one survived because he never used it."

"What happened to the rest?" Dean asked, eyeing the box again.

"Gabriel only ever made four of them for the people he loved most. Mine was destroyed after I Fell." Lucifer said. "I used it quite often. Michael told me that Raphael's was destroyed by himself during some demon uprising. The last one should be entombed with it's owner in the Gobi Desert."

Dean turned to look at the Devil. "The Gobi Desert? What's it doing there?"

Sam perked up, remembering what Michael had told him. "It was Razael's wasn't it? Michael buried it with him didn't he?"

Lucifer nodded. "Along with his swords, archangel, and angel blades. I didn't know until I was told by Mike. He gave Raz a warrior's funeral even thought he wasn't old enough to be a warrior."

Sam gave him a smile. "I bet that helped bring you some peace."

Dean blinked. "Who is, or was, Razael? And why would it bring Lucifer peace knowing he how he was buried?"

Lucifer gave Dean a tight smile. "My son. He was killed by Michael right before my Fall."

"Ouch. Sorry dude." Dean said. "I know how that is."

"How what is?" Raphael asked coming in. "Is there any coffee made? If not can someone teach me how to make it?"

Lucifer gave him a smile. "I'll make some. You're not touching my coffee pot."

Raphael nodded and turned to sit and as he did he noticed the box Sam was holding close. "Is that...Michael's gun?"

"He gave it to me." Sam said, pulling the box closer. "Why?"

"It's abut time he did something with it other then let it collect dust. He never even fired the thing. Not once." Raphael said. "Wish I still had mine. That gun was amazing. Perfect grip, amazing sight, as powerful as a 50 caliber and as quite as a .22 with a surpressor. Shame I had to destroy mine."

"Why would you destroy it if you loved it so much?" Dean asked, his voice tight as he still wasn't happy with the Third Born.

"A demon got it. I couldn't let an angelic weapon like that fall into hell's hands so I activated the self destruct on it. Took out almost the whole battalion." Raphael said. "All thanks to damn hell hound."

"A hell hound took your gun?" Dean asked.

"More like it nearly took my arm off." Raphael said. "I was protecting Michael. It was either my arm or his neck. I chose my arm. Gabriel managed to heal it but the hound made off with my gun. Gabriel told how to activate the destruct and once it was clear I wasn't going to be able to get it back I did."

"Damn. That sucks." Dean said. "Think once we get him back he'll make more?" Everyone paused and turned to stare at the hunter and Dean shifted nervously under their stares. "What? Is there something on my face? Something in my teeth?"

"What makes you think Gabriel is coming back?" Lucifer asked.

Dean stared at him like he was an idiot. "You're joking right? I may not have finished school but I'm not stupid. I know why Raph keeps locking himself in his room and why Lucifer took a bunch of things for spell casting. You guys are looking for him. I'm not blind either; I've seen the signs. My EMF goes crazy sometimes when nothing's there and instead of cold spots I find hot spots. I think he's still here. Hey Raphael, pass me that knife will you? I want to make a sandwich."

Raphael nodded and picked up the blade from the cutting block. He carefully pulled it out and as he did the light bounced off the mirrored surface of the blade. Raphael dropped the knife with a scream, his eyes slamming shut and his hands going up to cover his ears. Lucifer was at his side in an instant.

"Not again. He's having another flashback."

"What do we do?" Dean asked.

"Go get Michael and tell him to get our Dad. He's knows what to do." Lucifer said watching as the hunter rushed off to do as told. "It's okay Raph. I'm here. It's all over. It's okay. Everything's okay."

SSSSS

_"Please stop! I can't take it! Please! You're killing me!" Gabriel cried, squirming as best he could being cuffed face down on the floor with his ass in the air._

_"Shut up Whore! You're pissing me off!" Raphael said, fisting his hand tighter into those long blonde locks to keep his victim still. "Keep it up and and I'll do more then just carve into your pretty flesh, I'll start cutting off fingers!"_

_Gabriel let out a whimper and tried not move at the threat, certain he would go through the promise. Raphael, pleased that the younger had stopped squirming for now, returned to his inspection of his work. Each line so far was perfect even if it was only three. Three simple carved lines and his baby brother had begun begging, though he had begun begging on the first cut. To be fair he could understand why he had begun begging before he had really started. Not only was he buried balls deep in his brother's squirming and bleeding body, but he had pulled out those six golden wings in the most painful way possible at then pulled out his archangel blade and began carving. He picked the second most sensitive area to do so; the small patch of skin right between his brother's glorious golden wings._

_He lowered the blade once more and began cutting again, sending Gabriel into screams once more as his pinned body spasmed uncontrollably. Raphael wasn't going to deny that it felt amazing as his brother clenched and arched in pain, making his body tighten around his hard flesh. It made him wonder if Gabriel would react the same way if he cut into other things._

_Raphael pulled back again leaving Gabriel a whimpering, crying mess and the feeling of the blonde's shaking body around him made him start thrusting again. "See what happens when you listen to me? I give you pleasure."_

_"You're not giving me anything other then pain!" Gabriel snapped between his sobs. "Please! It's been years! Let me go! Haven't I suffered enough for you?"_

_The Third Born couldn't stop himself from reaching out and gripping one of those wings and start squeezing. "Your suffering will end when I allow it to end and not a moment before. You should be thankful that I didn't just beat and rape you and leave your corpse somewhere for our dear big brother to find. Do you know how much it would hurt him to know that his last remaining link to Lucifer was killed because he didn't know how to pull his own head out of his ass?"_

_Gabriel screamed and began struggling again, trying to free himself, his wings flapping frantically but in his current human state, they couldn't hold his weight making them more like peacock feathers; pretty too look at and only good for one thing. "RAPHAEL PLEASE!"_

_"Say thank you to me for allowing you to live your pathetic life." Raphael demanded squeezing harder, right down on the spot where he had broken Gabriel's wing once before. "I'm waiting on that thank you Whore."_

_"THANK YOU! I'M SORRY!" Gabriel screamed out, sobbing. "PLEASE!"_

_Raphael released the wing and watched as Gabriel began to sob brokenly, his wings, folding up tightly against his back as if to protect themselves. "Good boy."_

_With that done he readied his blade and began carving once more, making deep lines in between hard thrusts. Once he had finished the mark he grinned and went back over it, making it deeper. The feeling of Gabriel squirming and clenching around him made it hard to focus but soon enough he had ensured the mark he made would leave behind a nice scar. Once he was done he sat aside his blade and began really fucking his brother, enjoying the feeling of him clenching around him. With a wicked grin he pulled out just in time to coat his baby brother's new injury with his seed._

_Gabriel screamed again and it sent him into fits of laughter. "What the hell did you do to me now you monster?!"_

_Raphael laughed and rubbed more of the drying cum into the wound. "I just made sure to leave my mark on you Baby Brother. I've always known you to be a Whore. Now everyone you sleep with will know the same. You'll forever carry the word 'whore' on you. How does it feel to know that my name for you is forever carved into your sinful flesh?"_

_The younger angel didn't answer. He was reduced to nothing more then broken sobs. Raphael took in the bloody mark on his back, the blood running down his shaking legs, and the cum coating his back. It made him feel a sense pride to know that he had reduced his brother to this. To know that he had almost broken his brother. Certainly it wouldn't take too much more for the youngest archangel to come flying apart at the seams. Once that happened he'd have the prefect toy to play with. One that would obey his every command. Heaven would soon be his._

SSSSS

Chuck held Raphael close and he gently ran his power over his Third Born. It was working too. It was slow going but it was working. It could see, hear, and feel everything that the dark skinned angel was reliving. It was no wonder Raphael was having such a hard time coping with his resurrection. Now that he was free of the Darkness that had once tainted him, Raphael was sickened by everything that he had done during that time. Most of which involved the youngest archangel being his victim of choice.

After a few minutes more Raphael finally began responding to his power and gentle touches. The archangel's breathing and heart rate began to slow and his muscles began to unclench. This was the ninth attack like this in the past three weeks, not that he'd tell his other sons that. Raphael was already ashamed enough at his actions. He didn't want his brothers to know had badly he was struggling with his guilt.

Raphael suddenly took a deep breath and his body shuddered and Chuck was quick to steady him, noticing the confusion in his eyes. "Dad? When did you get here?"

"About five minutes ago. You were having another flashback." Chuck said gently. "How do you feel now? Better?"

"Not really. I'm a horrible angel and an ever worse brother. I deserve to have my wings stripped from me for my crimes against Gabriel. If he were here-"

"He'd forgive you." Sam said, cutting him off.

Raphael glared. "You can't know that Sam. You can't know everything I did to him. I was inhumane. No one, not even a demon, deserved what I did to my baby brother."

"I know everything. I know about scar, about how you fed him. I know about the watering and about the hell hound. He didn't keep a single thing that you did from me." Sam said, clutching the ring around his neck. "After he told me everything you know what he said to me about it?"

The Third Born shook his head, to scared to ask and almost just as scared of the answer.

"Gabriel told me that he only regreted that you died before he was able to see you again because the only thing he wanted to tell you was that he forgave you for everything. Your baby brother forgives you for what you did to him and he wanted to tell you that he still loved you." Sam said with tears in his eyes and a smile on his face. "And you know what else? I forgive you for it too."

Raphael couldn't stop himself from breaking down at Sam's words. Gabriel had forgiven him and still loved him. He didn't want to believe it even though he had heard them coming from Gabriel himself. Hearing it come from Sam and hearing that the hunter also forgave him lifted a weight off his heart that he didn't know he carried. If he had been paying attention he would have noticed his baby brother watching them from the doorway with a smile.


	8. A Failed Attempt: Part 2

**Chapter 8: A Failed Attempt Part 2**

Sam double checked what he needed. He had researched everything till he was nearly blue in the face. He had piles of notes that he had gathered not to mention what his mate had on the subject. He'd been researching this for the past week and a half. Tonight was finally going to be the night. It was time he was going to see if his husband was still around. He picked tonight because it was the first time in a long time that everyone was together in the bunker again.

Sam checked his laptop which was connected to his phone. Once he started the timer he'd have five minutes. He'd wait until the last possible minute before he'd hit the space bar. One he did the timer would start counting down. Once five minutes were up his phone, which was connected to his laptop, would send out a mass text message to everyone telling them exactly what he did.

Making sure that his laptop was plugged in along with his phone he double checked what he had. He wasn't sure how much adrenaline would be needed to bring him back so he'd brought the whole bottle and a sterile needle for it as well. He had the exact dose of what he was taking written out in bold letters on the sticky note next to the adrenaline and the defibrillator. He didn't know if they'd actually need the defib machine but it never hurt to be too prepared for anything.

Taking a deep breath Sam grabbed the second bottle that was on the table. Just to be safe he check Gabriel's notes one more time before doing anything. It hadn't taken him long to find drug he was looking for locked away in his husband's things. It was just a matter of finding which locked cabinet contained what he was looking for. Gabriel never labeled where anything went in his lab, he just grouped things together and seemed to memorize where everything was. Like the drug he had been looking for was with a bunch of other heart related drugs that were hidden away near the back of the lab.

Grabbing the second needle he had, Sam filled the syringe with the diltiazem. It was a a drug designed to slow the heart. He was going to give himself a double dose. The double dose would stop his heart. He knew that it wouldn't take long for the medication to take effect with the dose he was going to be giving himself. That was why he had the computer set up the way it was; one simple press of a button and his plan would be set into motion.

Deciding the best thing to do for this was to lay down, he moved his laptop to the table next to his bed. He double checked everything one final time. His phone and laptop were set. The timer was up and ready to start. He had the counter medication. Laying down on the bed Sam gripped the needle tight. Taking a deep breath Sam glanced at the picture of Gabriel on the table; the whole reason he was doing this. Without another thought he found a vein and quickly slid the needle in. He pressed the plunger and dispensed the contents and pulled the metal from his arm; he didn't want to give himself time to second guess what he was doing.

The effect was immediate. He began to feel strange, his chest felt tight and his breathing began to slow. Sam glanced over at his laptop and to his dismay the display began to blur. Not knowing how much time he had left, he hit the space bar on his computer. He was just in time too because his vision began to darken and then he blinked and found himself staring at his own body. Sam glanced around, surprised that it actually worked before remembering why he did this.

"GABRIEL!" Sam yelled, before he began running through the halls, looking for his mate. "GABRIEL ANSWER ME!"

After a few moments of panic he figured that it would be safe bet to check Lucifer's room since the two had been so close. He lucked out however but did find out, much to his horror, just how flexible Michael really was in bed. He left the room almost as soon as he entered it. Pausing he thought, trying to figure out exactly where the youngest archangel could be. It hit him like a ton of bricks.

"Raphael..."

Of course. He had first seen the signs in the Third Born. Raphael staring at nothing, talking to himself, it all made sense. The archangel must have known that Gabriel was still around. Perhaps...Maybe the dark skinned angel had known all along. He even said it! He'd hinted at it several times that maybe the blonde was still around. Dean even pointed out that Raphael was searching spells to bring Gabriel back. Hell, Lucifer himself was casting spells looking for the angel! If anyone was bound to know anything it had to be Raphael.

Turning he rushed down the hall. He had to get to Raphael's room! He didn't even know how much time he had left! He rushed down the stairs and towards the room the Raphael had first picked. He rushed in through the door and stopped dead. There in all his glory, was his husband, watching as Raphael read over something in a book.

"Gabriel..." Sam breathed out.

Gabriel's head whipped up, his gold eyes wide. "Sam?"

Sam barely registered that Raphael's head shot up as well, but the only thing that really registered was his husband, who was standing there looking just as he had before Xaphanel had gotten his claws into him. "Gabriel. I knew it. I knew you had to still be here. I knew you weren't gone."

Gabriel rushed forward grabbing Sam and pulling him close. "No! Sam what the fuck did you do? Are you insane?!"

Sam fell to his knees, holding his husband close; he had been waiting for this for six long months and now that it was finally here it all seemed like a dream. "I've missed you so much Gabe. I did what I had to do! I had to see you! I had to know for certain! I knew you couldn't be dead! I knew it!"

Gabriel began raining kisses all along his mate's face. "You stupid fool! You killed yourself just for another chance to see me? I can't believe you!"

"I didn't kill myself. Not really. I promise." Sam said, before returning the kisses. "I used your medicine and your notes. I even tripled checked. I wouldn't risk myself. Not when I can get you back."

"You reckless fool! You are so lucky I love you, you idiot." Gabriel said. "You have no idea how bad it hurts that I'm able to see and hear you and you don't even know that I'm there."

"I feel the same pain Gabe. It's worse for me thought because I can't even see or hear you." Sam whispered. "I can't tell you how much I've missed you. It feels like you've been gone forever."

"I've been here this whole time Sam. I kept my promise. I haven't left you and I'm not going to leave you." Gabriel said, pulling back to stare at his mate.

"I'm sorry I gave up on you Gabe. I knew we shouldn't have taken you off the life support." Sam said, taking in the sight of his mate. "I knew it was a mistake but I was so upset that I couldn't make the call. Michael made it and-"

"I know Sam. I know everything. Raphael explained everything. He told everything that happened after I succumbed to the internal bleeding. Believe me. I know you would never let me go without a fight. I think this stupid idea you had proves it!" Gabriel said kissing him once more. "You should never have done this Sam."

Sam shook his head. "I'd do it again as long as it means seeing you Gabriel. I love you. I love you and I can't lose you. I'm not ready to give you up."

Those gold eyes turned soft and Gabriel couldn't help but smile at his mate. "You're not going to lose me Sam. I promise. Lucifer and Raphael are working on trying to find a way to bring me back for you. They're making me a vessel right now. We're trying to find a way to get me back into the vessel so I can get back to you."

Sam clung to his mate. "What can I do to help? Please Gabe. I want to do what I can to help. Please don't shut me out."

The blonde let his husband cling to him; he didn't know how much time they would have. "I won't shut you out Sam. I'd never shut you out. I love you too much."

Sam let out a broken sob and buried his face in Gabriel's shirt.

"Gabriel? What's going on?" Raphael asked, coming over and seeing the odd sight of his younger brother holding onto nothing.

"Sam is here Raph. He did something stupid. He used my lab to get something to cross over. You need to go let everyone know Raph." Gabriel said softly.

"NO!" Sam shouted, pulling back. "I have it taken care of. There is a timer set to send out a message explaining everything. Please don't take this time from me Gabe. I don't want to leave you yet. I can't leave you. Not when I've waited this long to see you again."

"It's okay Sam. I promise I won't take this from you. I just need to make sure you don't actually die okay?" Gabriel said before muttering something in Enochian to Raphael, who disappeared. "I just need to make sure your body is safe. The last thing I want is for you to actually die and then end up stuck like me or worse."

"What could be worse? I'd be with you. Nothing would make me happier Gabe." The hunter said, his eyes filled with tears. "If I didn't want this then I never would have done it."

"I know Sam but you aren't like me. I'm trapped between two places right now and we don't know why." Gabriel explained, trying to calm his frantic mate. "If your body dies and a Reaper doesn't claim your soul then you'll become an angry, vengeful spirit. I don't want that to happen because then I'll lose you for good."

The hunter nodded his acceptance. He was a hunter and he should have known better. He had laid countless spirits to rest doing his job and the last thing he wanted was to become one. Sam took a moment to calm himself before looking back up at Gabriel. The angel was watching him with a smile. Sam leaned up and kissed him once more, savoring the sweet flavor of his angel that he missed so much. When he pulled back Gabriel's smile had grown but then it turned sad.

"I'm sorry I put you through this Sam." Gabriel said softly. "This was never my intention. It seems like I broke the promise I made."

"What promise?" Sam asked, a bit confused. "You've never made me a promise."

The archangel shook his head. "It wasn't a promise I made to you. It was a promise I made to myself. I promised never to hurt you again. It seems like I've gone and done it anyway. So I'm sorry that I hurt you and made you cry."

The human shook his head. "I don't blame you. I don't even blame Raphael. I blame Xaphanel. He's the reason you d-d-died."

"He might be the reason my physical form died but he's not the reason I'm trapped." Gabriel said. "Once Lucifer and Raphael finish building my new vessel I should be right as rain. It won't be too much longer now."

"I need you now though." Sam begged. "I can't do this without you Gabriel. I'm trying but I just wake up everyday and you aren't here and nothing seems to matter anymore. I feel like the color and laughter in my world left when you did. I want you back in my life."

"Sam, trust me when I say that we are working on it. I want nothing more then to be back at your side where I belong." Gabriel said. "I miss you."

Sam curled into Gabriel's chest. "I miss you too. Are Raphael and Lucifer the only ones that know you're here?"

Gabriel nodded. "Yeah. As far as I know. Raphael has seen me since the plug was pulled. Lucifer only figured it out a few weeks ago."

"Why didn't they tell me?" The human asked. "Did they not think I could handle it?"

"Raphael was too afraid to say anything. He thought everyone would think he was crazy. Once Lucifer found out I asked him not to say anything." The blonde explained.

Sam stiffened. "Why didn't you want him to tell me you were still here? Don't you think I deserve to know? Or did you not think I think I could handle it?"

The archangel let out a chuckle and his hand went into those long, brown locks he loved so much. "It wasn't that at all Sam. I know that you deserve to know. I know you could have handled it. Sam the only reason that I told Lucifer not to say anything was because I did want you to suffer anymore."

The hunter blinked. "You didn't want me to suffer? I don't understand."

Gabriel sighed and kissed his mate. "I've already put you through hell Sam. First with our strenuous relationship at the beginning, then our break up, not to mention my drug addiction. Add in to that the whole thing with us trying to repair our relationship along with Xaphanel hunting me, me losing my kids, followed by the time spent with him and having you see everything he did to me, along with my death. You were there for all of that Sam. Believe me when I say I didn't want you to suffer anymore."

"How would me knowing you were alive make me suffer?" Sam asked in disbelief. "If anything I think knowing your are here wouldn't have given me hope."

"And if I can't be brought back?" Gabriel asked softly.

Sam sat up straighter. "What do you mean? Of course we can bring you back Gabe. You said yourself that Lucifer and Raphael were working on it."

"Yes they are but like I said, I'm trapped. I can't get into another body. Believe me I have tried. My brothers are making me a vessel like I had before but there is no guarantee that I'll be able to enter it." Gabriel revealed. "I really am trapped. I'm not dead but I'm not alive either. Just stuck somewhere in between the two."

"We'll find a way. We'll find a way to get you out. To bring you home. Dean and I can summon a Reaper or even summon Death. I'm not giving up on us Gabe. I can't." Sam said. "I've lost you twice already and I'm not going to lose you again. Not this time."

The archangel chuckled. "Ever my knight in a shining black Impala huh? Riding in to save the day for me? What would I do without you Sam?"

"You'd have found someone else to who you could torment." The hunter said with a smile.

"You and I both know that you're my favorite target." Gabriel said softly. "My favorite target, my favorite lover, my favorite human, my favorite person who let's me lick melted chocolate off his-"

Sam kissed the angel hard, effectively silencing him. "Gabe you talk to much sometimes."

"Don't be a spoil sport Sam. It's not like anyone can hear us anyway." Gabriel said, his face lighting up with a blinding smile.

"Didn't you say that Raphael can hear you?" The hunter asked flatly, a glare decorating his face.

The blonde flushed. "Yeah I did but he isn't here right now. He's making sure nothing goes wrong with your body. Like I said I don't want to take any chances with you. I love you too much to lose you. Angels never take losing mates well. We either barely hang on or we die. Most of us choose death over living without the person who completes us. Michael and Balthazar or two of the rare few who have actually survived losing a mate. Michael's even rarer because he lost both a mate and child at the same time and still got past it."

"I know. He told me. He also gave me his gun that you made him. I love it. It's beautiful." The hunter said softly.

"It's about time he did something with it." Gabriel said. "I'm glad he gave it to you."

"I might have to keep fighting Dean over it. He fell right in love with it." The human revealed. "I didn't think I was going to get it back when I first showed it to him."

"I guess I know what I'll be making Dean-o for his birthday then if I can come back." Gabriel said with a smile.

Sam shook his head. "When you come back you mean. I will get you back."

Gabriel smiled and kissed him once more. Sam kissed him back then let out a sharp cry. He felt strange, as if something were pulling on him. He clutched at his chest in fear, his green eyes seeking Gabriel's gold. Gabriel was watching him with both a smile and tears, even as the angel held on tight to him, as if afraid to let go.

"Gabe?" Sam asked shakily, unsure as to what was happening and it was beginning to sccare him. "What's happening? Why is my chest hurting?"

"Time's up Sam." Gabriel said brokenly. "What you feel is someone trying to revive your body. You have to go back to your body or else you'll die. I know it hurts and I know it's a bit scary but please just let it happen. Don't fight it. Everything will be okay. I promise."

Sam grit his teeth against the pain; willing himself to hang on just a few moments longer with his husband. "I will bring you back Gabe! I will! I swear it! I won't stop trying until we're together again! I won't lose you again!"

Gabriel nodded, his tears coming faster. "I know you won't Sam. I know you'll do everything you can for me. You won't stop until I'm back with you."

Sam leaned up and grabbed Gabriel and pulled him close kissing him once more. Gabriel fell against Sam, savoring the feeling of being close to his mate once more. There was a strange tingling sensation all along where they were touching and then Gabriel fond himself laying on the floor alone, his body still tingling from where him and Sam had been touching. Gabriel tried to be strong, to get up and go upstairs to where they were no doubt reviving his mate but he couldn't do it. Instead all he could do was curl up and cry having been ripped away from his mate once more.

SSSSS

"GABRIEL!" Sam screamed his body jolting up as he reached for his husband once more.

Hands grabbed him and gently pushing him down on the bed once more. "Easy Sam. Easy okay? Your body has just been put through hell. You need to rest okay?"

Sam looked around and found that everyone was in his room. Raphael was next to the head of his bed on one side while Suriel was on the other checking him over. Dean was next to Raphael and Castiel was, as always, at his side. Lucifer, Michael and Crowley were on the other side of his bed, looking on with relief and Chuck was at the foot of his bed looking at him.

"What the hell Sammy?" Dean asked. "I knew you missed him but this is-"

"I found him." Sam said. "I crossed over and found Gabriel."

Dean blinked. "Sammy look I know you miss him but-"

"I'm not crazy Dean! I can prove it! Raphael and Lucifer have seen Gabriel too! He's still here and he's trapped! He's not dead but he isn't alive either. I need to save him Dean." Sam said. "Please believe me."

Dean turned to look at Raphael. "Is he telling the truth? Have you seen Gabriel?"

Raphael turned to look at Dean. "Why do you think I was already in here when you showed up? Gabriel told me what Sam did and sent me to watch over him."

"I can prove it." Lucifer said. "I can summon Gabriel."

Dean glared at the Second Born for a minute before nodding. "Do it. I want to see him. And call those two that were here before Chuck. The ones that brought Raphael back. They might be able to find a way to get him unstuck with that book."


	9. Trapped or Are We?

**Chapter 9: Trapped or Are We?**

Dean couldn't believe his eyes and he rubbed them again just to make sure he wasn't seeing things despite the fact that it had been going on for the past fifteen minutes. Lucifer sat naked in the circle he had set up but, and Dean thanked Chuck for this one, the angel had his wings out and were using them to cover himself since he had to remain bare in the summoning circle with Gabriel. Michael kept staring at his younger brother and wiping at his eyes while Balthazar had seemed thrilled to see the blonde again. Crowley was standing close to the circle with Sam. Chuck was standing next to Raphael and talking softly to the archangel just a few feet away.

"So are you sure you're okay?" Sam asked the archangel once more, making Dean look over at the blonde with worry.

"I'm fine Sam. I promise. No more pain." Gabriel assured him.

When Lucifer had first summoned the smaller blonde he had screamed in pain startling everyone that was gathered. Sam had been terrified at the sight of his husband in such pain and Dean couldn't blame him. The look that had been on the archangel's face had been nothing short of pure agony. Lucifer had apologized and explained that there was nothing he could do to stop the pain. Gabriel had just shaken off the pain like it was nothing, plastered on a smile, and greeted them all with a happy smile.

"I don't like seeing you in pain." Sam said, his hand going up to the edge of the circle.

Gabriel raised his own hand but they didn't touch because of the circle. "I don't mind this pain because it means I get to spend time with you. I'd gladly keep suffering this pain over and over just for the chance to talk to you again."

"You sure you're doing okay over there Gabe?" Dean asked, eyeing the transparent blonde.

Gabriel nodded. "I'm fine Dean-o. Nothing hurts anymore. I really am fine. There's only pain when I'm first summoned and then when the spell ends. You won't have to worry about me until the spell ends and then if again if you need to summon me again."

Dean nodded before turning his gaze to the other blonde that was in the circle. "What about you Lucifer? How are you holding up? Need us to turn up the heat?"

The blonde archangel shook his head. "I'm okay Dean. Believe me when I say that my feathers are quite adequate. I may burn cold but my feathers are warm enough. All angels have warm feathers because they are the manifestation of our Grace in a physical form."

Dean nodded and turned when he heard the door to the bunker open. He looked up and let out a sigh of relief as the people they were waiting on finally showed up. Monons and Oiveae were dressed the same as last time, in the skirt and halter top and the black leather outfit. Even their robes were the same. Dean's eyes went to the book the Monons was carrying under his arm. If he had his way, he'd kick them both out and they'd keep the book. Some that dangerous shouldn't be floating around for just anyone to get their grubby mitts on.

"It's about time the two of you showed up. Do you know what a watch is?" Dean snapped. "This spell doesn't last forever and it hurts him when we cast it."

Monons flinched at that. "Apologies. We were delayed due to wind storm over Russia and had to head to go south over China instead to get here."

Chuck let out a little laugh at that. "And how was it?"

"Now I remember why I hate China. The wind currents there are terrible." He answering making the diety break into laughter. "Now you didn't say much over the phone. What exactly is the problem?"

Chuck pointed to the circle. "It's Gabriel. He's trapped. He can't get into a vessel anymore. He's tried. He can't even enter another person at all."

Oiveae stepped forward. "Can we see? If it's no trouble that is. It might help us figure out what's going on with him."

Gabriel looked to Dean. The hunter was the only one here that he could try with and, like every other angel out there, he would need the eldest Winchester's permission to try and inhabit him. Dean glared at the blonde not too happy with the idea. Gabriel raised an eyebrow, silently ask for his permission. Dean responded with a tilt of his heads towards Sam. The blonde shook his head and pointed to the ring hanging from Sam's neck. The hunter felt like kicking himself. Castiel had told him that an angel couldn't use their mate as a vessel due to the Bond that shared. That meant that he really was the only choice they had.

Dean let out a sigh. "Alright. Looks like we're doing this. I give you permission Gabriel. I'll be your vessel. My answer is yes."

Gabriel nodded. "If I can get in then I promise I won't look at anything okay?"

Dean nodded. "So should I stay here?"

Lucifer shook his head. "It's best you come into the spell circle. I'd rather not take any chances with either of you. Safer that way."

Dean nodded and carefully stepped into the circle. Gabriel stood a bit straighter. Dean took a deep breath and clenched his eyes tight. He stood still for several moments before opening one eye to look around. What he saw had him glaring. Gabriel was doubled over trying not to laugh at him. He glared and crossed his arms. After a few more minutes the angel composed himself.

"Are you done?" Dean asked with a glare.

Gabriel nodded. "No need to look so scared Dean-o. Being a vessel doesn't mean pain. I promise. If anything we do our very best to protect the soul of the vessel we're in. I promise you won't feel anything if I can get in."

"And if you can't get in?" Dean asked almost afraid of the answer.

"Let's just say...You might have to cover your ears. I don't know if my angelic voice can reach you in this form." Gabriel said, a bitter smile on his face.

"Wait this can hurt you? Like seriously mess you up?" Dean asked, his fear forgotten in the face of the blonde being hurt yet again.

"There is a chance, yes." Gabriel said. "But I won't know till I try. And I won't try till you're ready. Easier on both of us."

Dean sighed and held his arms out slightly to his sides. "I'm ready Gabe. Let's do this."

Gabriel nodded and came forward. He reached out and put his hand on Dean's chest and closed his eyes. There was a glow that came from where they were touching followed by a loud bang. There was a shout of pain and Gabriel was flung backwards. He rebounded off the wall of the summoning circle and fell to the ground in a heap, soft cries escaping him. Dean rushed over to him as did Sam and Lucifer, all of them watching the circle lines.

Dean reached down, not thinking about it, and was surprised when he found that he was able to touch him. "Shit! Gabe are you okay? Can you hear me?"

"Damn...it..." The archangel muttered and he shakily got to his hands and knees, his whole body shaking. "Are you okay Dean?"

"Me? I'm not the one that looked like he got electrocuted and then was thrown across the room." The hunter said. "You sure you're okay?"

The angel winced. "Not really. Everything hurts. What the hell happened?"

"There was a flash and bang and then you were across the room." Lucifer said. "I've never seen anything like it."

"Gabe...I can touch you? Why can I touch you now?" Sam asked helping the angel sit up.

"I don't know." Gabriel said. "All I know is that it fucking hurt."

"The summoning circle spell with the addition of trying to enter an archangel vessel made him temporarily corporal." Monons asked coming over and into the circle. "How do you feel?"

Gabriel glared. "Are you deaf? I said it fucking hurt!"

"Where does it hurt? I need you to be specific." Monons said. "Please focus."

"I...I don't know. Everything seems to hurt." Gabriel admitted.

Sam frowned and went to help his husband stand. He put an arm around Gabriel and tried to help him stand. He gently put pressure on Gabriel's side to steady him and the archangel nearly screamed. Four sets of hands lowered Gabriel back to the floor. The angel's hand went to his stomach and it made Sam concerned. Lucifer reached out a lifted Gabriel's shirt only to frown at the dark mark that was decorating his stomach, just below this rib cage.

"What the hell?" Lucifer asked, staring at the mark in horror.

Sam froze. "That mark...How is that possible?"

Lucifer frowned. "You know what this is?"

Sam nodded, his face turning pale and green eyes pained as he stared at the still darkening mark. "It's where he hit the table."

"Table? What table?" Monons asked, sounding confused.

"It's what killed me." Gabriel said. "I was thrown and hit the corner of the wooden table."

"A table did this to an archangel?" The young man asked in disbelief, pressing gently on the bruise and the area around it pulling back when the blonde hissed in pain.

"My Grace was bound by Sigil Cuffs. I was human when it happened. I slammed into the table and it caused internal damage." Gabriel explained to the hooded angel. "I had no way to stop the internal damage and that's why I died. One minute I was talking to Sam and the next I was standing next to Raphael in his room."

"So you have no memory between the time you 'died' and the time you 'woke up'?" Monons asked Gabriel.

"Nothing." The blonde confirmed.

"Interesting." The young man said. "Let me check something in the Lexicon. I think I might know what the problem is but I want to be certain before I say anything else alright?"

The blonde nodded and used that time to cuddle with his husband. Dean watched as the two clung to each other savoring the stolen time they had together. Dean could understand that better then anyone, having thought he'd lost his own mate so many times. They clung to each other as if they would never be able to again and Dean couldn't help but wonder if maybe that were the case. What would happen if they weren't able to help the blonde? Would he lose his brother again if they couldn't bring the archangel back?

"Motherfu-"

"Monons!"

"Not now my Oiveae!"

Dean stood and left the circle going over to the couple, who were huddled over the book on the table. "What's going on?"

"I think I found the problem. But I don't know for certain. I have to make sure." Monons said. "If I'm right then this not good."

"Don't panic Monons. We will figure this out. We can fix this." Oiveae said, trying to calm him.

"I'm going to keep panicking until I can-" He paused and read over something in the Lexicon and then turned to Michael, Balthazar, and Crowley. "I need ashwagandha, gynostema, and some rhodiola rosea. Quick. I want to cast this before the summoning spell ends."

Crowley pulled a small silver key from his pocket and held it up and the three vanished, no doubt to raid the lab the Crowley had put together for the blonde. The young man turned back to the book but Dean could sense that something was up. The guy was tense, nearly vibrating and it made the hunter worried. Either something was seriously wrong or something bad was going to happen.

"What are those herbs for?" Dean asked, looking over his shoulder.

"They're adaptogens. They work to make something stable or put it into balance." Oiveae said softly. "Monons thinks that their might be an imbalance going on with Gabriel."

"Well how do we fix it?" Dean snapped.

"I won't know until I make sure that's what the problem is." Monons said.

The two angels and demon appeared again and each held out a bundle of herbs. Monons took them and Oiveae began boiling some water and preparing the herbs. It wasn't long before there was a steaming pot of herbs. Oiveae poured the liquid into a glass and passed it to her mate. He took it and walked back over to the circle where Sam had Gabriel sitting in his lap and wrapped tightly in his arms.

"Okay. You are going to need to drink this. It won't taste the best but it will let me know if my hunch is right." Monons said holding out the glass to Gabriel.

The archangel took it and made a face at the smell. "Bottoms up!" He said tipping the glass and taking a big drink before pulling the cup away and making a gaging noise. "Dear Dad that was disgusting! Are you sure you aren't trying to poison me? That stuff had to be the foulest, most rank, most disgusting most vile-Why am I glowing?"

Every blinked and sure enough the small blonde archangel was indeed softly glowing. He raised his hands and looked at the soft white light that he was emitting with a curious expression. With a frown he pulled on his shirt and looked down it. He let go of it with a wince and looked up at Sam.

"Looks like you have a night light for a husband now." Gabriel said with a smirk. "Think of all the fun we could have in the dark now!"

"Gabriel!" Sam snapped.

"What happened to his vessel?" Monons asked.

Michael frowned. "His vessel is gone. When we took Gabriel off of life support it died. Why?"

"Where is it?" Monons snapped. "What did you do with it after?!"

"We burned it." Castiel said. "It was made from blood and feathers. We couldn't risk anyone getting a hold of it."

"Fuck!"

"Monons!"

"Not now Oiveae." He said as he began to pace. "That explains everything. I wish you had called me sooner. We could have fixed this."

"How?" Sam asked. "What's wrong with Gabriel? Why is he trapped?"

"He's trapped because he didn't die." Monons said angrily.

"How could he not have died? We were all there. We saw it!" Michael said angrily.

"He was human when he was injuired and died correct? And I'm guessing the Sigil Cuffs were removed only after he was brought back to life am I right?" Monons asked angrily.

Raphael nodded. "That's right. How did you know?"

"Gabriel didn't die. Not in a traditional sense. What happened was he still had his Grace when he died but it was Bound. When he was brought back because he was still wearing the Cuffs it created a rather adverse effect. He's suffering from Disconnection. It means the he could no longer connect with his vessel so he couldn't get in. It's also why he can't get into another one. He's still bound to the older vessel. I could have easily fixed it but you said you destroyed his vessel."

Oiveae let out a startled gasp. "You...isn't there some way to fix this?"

"I can't. Not without his pervious vessel." Monons said softly, his voice close to breaking.

"So...I'm really trapped here then? Not alive and not dead just...Disconnected?" Gabriel asked, feeling very numb.

"I'm sorry Gabriel. I wish there was something more I could do but without your vessel you really are trapped between the veils." Monons said.

Gabriel nodded his face blank. He felt numb. He was stuck forever. This was the best he could get. Spending the rest of his days being summoned just so he could have a few stolen moments with those he loved the most. How was this fair? Hadn't he already suffered enough? Had Sam suffered enough? That thought made him turn to face his husband but Sam had a small, if not somewhat bitter, smile on his face as he stared at him.

"I'm sorry Sam." Gabriel whispered.

"Don't be. I'm just happy I can still be with you. I don't care if you're trapped. You're still here and I still love you." Sam said leaning down and kissing him.

Gabriel smiled and kissed his mate. "I still love you too Sam. I'm not quite sure what I did to deserve someone who loves me the way you do but I am grateful to have you."

"Good luck getting rid of me." The hunter said. "You agreed to marry me. Didn't you read the fine print that said 'forever'?"

Gabriel chuckled. "I guess I didn't. That's okay. I don't mind forever with you."

"Dad? Why do you have that?" Came Lucifer's shocked voice.

Everyone turned to see Chuck standing there watching everyone with a smile, tossing a small ball back and forth between his hands. The ball appeared to be made of glass and filled with a shimmering silver that was impossible to decern whether it was a gas or liquid. The diety smiled and rolled the ball in his hands. Dean stood, slightly tense.

"What is that?" Dean asked worriedly.

"It's a spell. It's used to jump time lines and send other people and beings into alternate worlds." Michael explained quickly. "Places where things are different because of one small change."

"What's that mean?" Sam asked.

"It means that we're either in an alternate world or he's going to send us to one." Raphael said looking tense.

"How dangerous is that?" Dean asked quickly, eyeing the ball.

"Fairly if not done right." Chuck said. "Now that you've seen this outcome...I think it's time to change it don't you?"

There were shouts of denial and panic from the angels as Chuck threw the ball into the air and watched with a smile as it smashed into the ground shrouding the world in silver smoke.


	10. Deja Vu

**Chapter 10: Deja vu**

Raphael startled awake, nearly falling from his chair. He looked around feeling rather confused. He was in the medical wing of the bunker. The soft beeps of the heart monitor attached to younger brother drew his attention. Now he was really confused. He'd he just been with everyone? Maybe it was a dream? It had to be.

He looked down at the bed to find that he was still holding onto his brother's limp hand. Sam was curled right up next to him, just as he had been for the past week. His face was still swollen and black from his broken cheek. Gabriel was still laying pale against the sheets, looking as lifeless as he had been for the past week since he was saved. Nothing had changed. So then why did he feel like it had been months since he fell asleep?

Getting up he placed a kiss on Gabriel's brow. He reluctantly released his baby brother's hand and turned to go. A small tug on the sleeve of his shirt had him turning. Sam was staring at him with worried green eyes, his hand clenching onto his shirt tightly. Honestly Raphael had no idea why the hunter was taken with him. After all it was his fault that both he and Gabriel were here in the first place.

"I'll be right back. I just need to get some air." The archangel assured.

Sam nodded and he laid back down after releasing him, his head resting over Gabriel's slowly beating heart once more. With a sigh he walked up to the kitchen to find Balthazar cooking but the younger angel had a strange look on his face. Raphael shrugged it off and went for the coffer pot but found it to be empty. Looked like he'd have to wait for Lucifer since his older brother didn't like anyone touching the coffee pot.

Raphael paused and felt a strange sensation yet again. Why would he know that Lucifer didn't like anyone touching the coffee pot? He'd only been here a week and-Raphael stopped that line of thought again. What was going on? He'd only been here a week. He'd never had coffee before and yet right now he really was craving a cup. It left him feeling slightly disjointed. Almost like deja vu but he was certain that he never had a cup of coffee much less tried human food. He was an archangel. He didn't need to eat or drink.

"Hey Raphael?" Came a quite yet tense voice.

"What Balthazar?"

"Do you get the feeling that something's wonky?"

"You feel it too?"

There was a shuffling sound and Lucifer and Michael both came into the kitchen looking quite disturbed. Michael headed for the fridge while Lucifer headed to the coffee machine. Since Raphael was standing next to it he moved out of his older brother's way, knowing the he would be willing to make some coffee and share it with him. The blonde eyed first him, then the coffee maker, then back to him and his look became one of suspicion.

"You better not have tired touching my coffee pot again." Lucifer said, his voice a playful growl as he got the tin out of the cabinet.

"I learned my lesson...last...time?" Raphael said, his answer turning into a question. "I...Did I touch the coffee maker?"

"Yeah. After Sam introduced you to coffee right...right after..." Lucifer trailed off and frowned. "You...You haven't touched it. You've only been here a week."

"Yes he did. Don't you remember Raphael? You filled the filter too full and the grounds went everywhere." Michael said turning to look at them. "It was the first time that Sam had laughed in weeks since...since..."

Raphael stared. "You feel it too then. Balthazar said the same thing. I woke up next to the hospital bed holding Gabriel's hand. The clock says it's only been a few hours but-"

"It feels like months." Balthazar said softly. "What's going on? Why are we all feeling this?"

"Don't tell me you guys are acting strange too!" The four angels turned to find Dean glaring at them while holding onto a pale Castiel. "Don't you know that this is a bit much? What ever you guys did you freaked poor Cas out. He woke up screaming for Gabriel. Someone fix him a cup of tea or coffee or something. Just something to get him to relax a bit."

"Why was he so upset?" Michael asked, going over and pulling Castiel into a hug, letting out his eggshell white wings to wrap the younger angel in. "Did something happen?"

"He kept saying that Gabriel was trapped and we had to find a way to help him." Dean said, but the look on his face was an odd one, almost as if he didn't understand what had happened either.

"Something else happen?" Michael pressed. "Don't be afraid to tell us. We're here to help. We won't judge you Dean."

Dean nodded. "I don't know why but no sooner had he said it then I blurted out that there was nothing we could do since his last vessel had been destroyed. I have no idea why I said it. Gabriel's down in the medical wing with Sam. I checked on them a few hours ago before we laid down."

"What's going on?" Michael said. "I don't understand what's happening. First we're remembering things that didn't happen and now this?"

"I had a dream the Gabriel d-died and that I was the only one who could see or hear him." Raphael said. "I thought he was a ghost or that I was going insane."

"But you weren't because I summoned him." Lucifer said. "I summoned Gabriel using a spell for a lost soul. He appeared and we talked and he told me how to make him a new vessel."

"Using clay from Jordan and melted snow from Mount Everest because they were both really pure." Raphael said. "How did...?"

"Did we...have the same dream?" Lucifer asked in confusion.

"If in your dream Sam tried to cross over to see Gabriel then I think we all had the same dream." Dean said. "I can understand you angels having the same dream being what you are but why would I have the same dream as you? I'm human."

"Maybe...Maybe it's because of Gabriel?" Raphael asked softly.

Balthazar raised an eyebrow at that. "How would this be Gabriel's fault? Not sure if you remember but Gabby is laying in a hospital bed with his brains completely addled because of that hulking behemoth lout that you loosed on him!"

Raphael's head snapped up at that. "Tell me something Balthazar. Do you know why Dad brought you back to life?"

The Brit paused at that. "Dean asked him too."

"Did you know he wasn't going to until Gabriel spoke up on your behalf?" Raphael asked him.

"No. I knew he said he put in a good word for me but he didn't tell me that." The tall angel replied. "He never said a word."

"Michael, why were you and Lucifer released from the Cage?" The dark skinned angel asked, his body tense and nearly vibrating.

"Because...Because dad said he needed our help to find Gabriel." Michael said softly.

"Dad...Dad said I could remain here as long as I tried to mend fences with Gabriel over me killing him. He knew it was the one thing I regretted more then anything." Lucifer said, looking down at the floor. "I never wanted to hurt him."

"What about you Castiel? Gabriel took you under his wing after his son's death am I right?" The Third Born asked.

"'Don't step on the fish Castiel. Big plans for that fish.'" Came the mumble from within the confines of Michael's wings. "Gabriel took me to the shore. I watched a gray fish and he held my hand."

"What about you Dean?" Raphael asked. "What stands out the most to you?"

Dean let out a snort. "Other then messing with my car, killing me hundreds of times, and trapping me in a television world?"

Raphael glared. "I know there is something! If you had the same dream then you know you offered to try and be a vessel for Gabriel. You were the first one at his side when he got thrown! Tell me! Please Dean!"

"Right after he came here." Dean said quietly. "Seeing him so strung out on the drugs and the cutting. He...He was just so lost...I knew I had to help him because if I didn't I could have seen him making a second attempt to kill himself and I knew that if he had he would have succeeded. It's why I offered him my friendship. Because I knew he needed someone to be there for him who was willing to try and catch him when he fell. I just didn't know his fall would be into a river thanks to a damn demon that was trying to turn him into an all you could eat buffet in more ways then one."

"What about Sam?" Raphael asked, pressing once more.

"Sam is the happiest when he's near Gabriel because Gabriel always knew exactly how to make him smile and even could get him to play games." Dean said, his voice hollow. "Gabriel could make anyone and everyone smile. It's what he was good at."

"And I was brought back so that we could find Xaphanel and save Gabriel and Sam from him." Raphael said. "Now answer me...What is the one thing we all have in common here? The one thing that ties us all together and is the reason we are standing here at this very moment?"

"Gabriel." Came the mix of voices.

"Gabriel." Raphael confirmed. "It's all because of Gabriel."

"So your saying that whatever happened...Happened because of Gabby?" Michael asked in disbelief. "How? He's in a coma."

"Dad..." Lucifer whispered. "The last part of the dream...Dad had a Time Splitter. I remember seeing it first and then he...he..."

"'Now that you've seen this outcome I think it's time to change it'." Raphael quoted. "You don't think that Dad-"

"Changed time lines so we could have a chance to save Gabriel?" Dean asked. "You bet your feathered ass I do!"

"The ones that brought Raphael back. We'll need them again." Castiel said, finally pulling away from Michael. "They have the Angelis Lexicon. I remember the young man saying he knew how to fix what was wrong with Gabriel."

"What did he call it?" Balthazar asked. "Disconnection?"

"Yeah! That's it! He said that Gabriel's Grace was tied to his body but it became Disconnected. I can't believe this. We actually know how to fix this!" Dean said. "It's about time that something went our way for once. If it means making Sammy smile again and having Gabe back then I swear I'll never complain when shit starts going down the drain again!"

"We should get what we need first just in case." Michael said.

Castiel frowned. "Get what? What are we getting?""

"I'm going to get Dad." Michael said. "He knows how to contact the ones who have the Lexcion, Monons and Oiveae. Lucifer I want you to go get what you need for a summoning spell. We're going to need it. We have no idea if Gabriel is lost right now or not but I'd rather be safe then sorry and be ready if we have to try summoning him. Balthazar do you remember the herbs that Monons asked for?"

"Course I do." The angel said sounding quite insulted. "I'll need the key to get into the cabinets though unless you just want me to pick the lock."

"Call Crowley. He's the only other person who has the key." Michael said. "Hurry."

"I'll grab Crowley and meet you there." Lucifer told the Brit, who received a nod in response.

There was a rustle and both Lucifer and Balthazar vanished with a rustle. Michael let out a relieved breath that he didn't know he was holding. They could do this. They could save Gabriel. They just needed to hurry. The longer they waited the worse Gabriel was going to get.

"What should we do?" Castiel asked.

"I want yourself and Dean to go and inform Sam and Suriel that we have someone coming that can help Gabriel. Raphael I want you to stick close to Gabriel. I don't know why he was bound to you but there had to be a reason." Michael said. "Just stay close to him okay? Protect him with your life."

Raphael nodded and just like that he was gone. There was a rustle and Dean and Castiel were gone a few moments later. Michael quickly left as well appearing in his dad's study without knocking. He took a step and frowned when he felt something crunch under his shoe. He looked down at the remains of something glass that had little wisps of silver smoke clinging to them. Michael felt his heart stop; it had been real. They had really almost lost Gabriel for good.

He looked up and he saw his dad watching him with a smile. "Took you guys long enough."

SSSSS

"You're right." Monons said, pulling back from where he had been looking over Gabriel's still, pale form. "Surprisingly enough. It's a severe case of Disconnection. Possibly the worst I've ever seen. How you managed to figure that out without knowing the proper spell to use to active the herbs is beyond me though."

"I don't think that matters much right now does it?" Michael asked. "The real question we're wondering is if you can heal him."

"It's not a healing per se. More like an awakening. His coma is quite literal. With his Grace being Disconnected it means that right now he's not even aware. We could touch him, hit him, scream in his ear and none of it will even register with him. For all intents and purposes he's dead."

Sam made a harsh noise and suddenly Oiveae was cuddling the hunter. "Monons! Don't say that! You're scaring his mate! Apologize!"

Monons flinched. "I do apologize Sam. That came out wrong."

"Okay so how do we reconnect his Grace? It can't be that hard right?" Dean asked.

"I'm afraid it's going to be a lot harder then you think. You're going to have to enter his mind and try to help him Reconnect. That means that you're going to have to find where he's hiding." Monons said. "He could be anywhere."

"How long will this take? Reconnecting him I mean?" Lucifer asked.

"I've never seen it go past four hours but I've also never seen an archangel Disconnect before. This is uncharted territory." The young man explained. "I wish I could tell you more."

"Okay so how many people can go?" Michael asked.

"As many as you want." Oiveae said, releasing Sam now that the hunter was calm once more. "You can all go or only a few of you can go. Either way Monons, Suriel, Chuck, and myself will need to stay here in case something goes wrong and a healer is needed."

"Goes wrong?" Dean asked getting upset. "What kind of 'goes wrong'? Like not making it out alive goes wrong?"

"The chances of you dying in there are going to be very slim. Gabriel is first a foremost a healer. If one of you is injured then he will try to help you but we will be the actual ones healing you. Our healing of your injuries will reflect on yourself while within him." Oiveae assured them. "I swear on my Grace we will protect you."

Dean turned with a grin to Sam. "Hey Sammy. I get to be in your husband."

"Jerk." Came the rough voice of his brother, who was sending him a weak glare.

Dean felt his heart soar at the first words out of his brother's mouth since they had been found. "Bitch." He said with a smile. "We're getting your husband back Sammy."

"I know Dean. I'm going to let him slip away again." Sam said back, his voice nearly cracking.

"Okay whoever is going then needs to lay down on the beds so we can monitor you." Monons said. "Safer that way."

Sam was the first to move but was shocked when Monons helped him into Gabriel's bed. The young man quickly explained that it was due to their mating bond which is why he wanted them so close. Sam was quickly hooked up to a heart monitor, oxygen mask and blood pressure cuff. Turning he realized that Dean, Castiel, Michael, Lucifer, and Raphael were also joining him while Balthazar was staying behind. Same turned and gave the angel a funny look.

"More hands to help out here. I'm not healer but I can fetch and carry." Balthazar said with a cocky smile. "But do give my regards to Gabby won't you?"

Sam nodded and was surprised when Crowley appeared. "Crowley?"

The King of Hell gave him a smile. "You don't really think I'd let my lovely little menagerie go waltzing about without some added support do you?"

Sam blinked. "Menagerie?"

"Castiel the giraffe, Dean the squirrel, you're a moose, and then you have your cuddly little mouse there beside you." Crowley said with a smile. "Seriously. Just be careful in there and bring the mouse back in one piece."

Sam nodded. "I won't leave without him."

"Course you won't. He's your mate. I know I'd die for a chance to get mine back. You're a lucky moose you know that?" Crowley said before moving away.

"Okay everyone is ready." Monons said. "Now remember what you see will be nothing more then memories. Nothing that you say or do will change the outcome but while you are being sucked into them make no mistake it will feel very real. Be careful. You'll know the real Gabriel when you find him because he will be alone and possibly scared. You'll need to remind him that you love and care for him. It's your only chance. Once you Awaken him I'll Reconnect his Grace from here and then bring you back so don't be alarmed when he vanishes okay?"

"We'll be right here to make sure you're safe." Oiveae said. "Now I want everyone to relax. Relax and clear your minds. I'm going to start counting backwards from ten. Listen to the sound of my voice and relax okay? Ten...Nine...Eight...Seven...Six...Five...Four...Three...Two...One..."


	11. Memories Volume 1

**Chapter 11: Memories Volume One**

"On your feet Sam. Now! Run!" Michael snapped, pulling the human to his feet and pulling him towards the nearby tree line.

Sam looked around trying to get his bearings but soon realized that this was not the time. He let Michael pull him along until they were in the brush hiding. Michael threw himself down over Sam, knowing his body could withstand more. A hail of gunfire swept the area followed by an explosion and the sound of machinery making Sam duck his head. After a few minutes the sounds moved away leaving Michael to push down gently on Sam's back.

"Wait here. I'll make sure it's clear." Michael said getting to his feet and checking the area. "Looks clear. You can come out."

Sam got up and dusted himself off and joined Michael in the clearing. Michael knelt down and checked on something before standing again. Looking down the hunter realized it was a young man who looked barely old enough for the soldier's uniform he was wearing. Sam took a step back and looked around, seeing that they were in the middle of a battlefield with bodies scattered everywhere.

"What the hell is going on?" Sam asked.

"World War Two by the look of things." Michael replied. "This young man is French. His uniform is that of the French Military worn during that time. We're somewhere near Sedan in France I think."

Sam blinked. "You can tell all that just by the uniform?"

"I'm Heaven's Warrior. It's my life." Michael said. "I can give you every battle human kind has ever fought in starting from the beginning until now. I can give you every weapon, tactic, casualty, and outcome without even blinking. The same way Gabriel does with his herbs."

"Gabriel! Where is he?!" Sam asked before realizing that it was just him and Michael. "Where's everyone else?"

"I don't know. I was looking for them when I found you." The First Born said. "I just hope everyone's okay."

"SAMMY!"

"DEAN! OVER HERE!"

Dean and Castiel ran up joining them. "Are you two okay?"

"We're fine Dean." Sam reassured.

"Where's Lucifer and Raphael?" Michael said looking around, feeling his chest go tight.

"We're here." Came Raphael's voice followed by a hiss of pain that was not from the Third Born.

Michael rushed over where he found the dark skinned angel supporting his bloodied mate. "Lucifer? Are you okay? What happened?"

"Would you believe a grenade?" The blonde asked. "I'm fine. Already healed. But there are Nazis all over the damn place. Why are we here?"

"These are Gabriel's memories right? Maybe he was here?" Raphael asked.

"Doing what? Fighting?" Dean scoffed. "No offense but Feathers isn't exactly the fighting type."

"Loki! Loki come back! You're going to get yourself killed!" Came a female voice.

"No! I want to help as many as I can!" Replied the very familiar voice.

They turned to see Gabriel slinking through the long grass of the battlefield. He was dressed as an army medic and moving steadily from person to person. Chasing behind him was a woman with long flowing blonde green hair that had various flowers woven through it. Her dress, if you could call it that, barely covered her and was nearly see through. She ran up to Gabriel and tugged on his arm.

"She's a Fee. A fairy that inhabits France." Raphael said, sounding shocked. "They never interact with anyone other then nature spirits. How the hell did Gabriel manage that?"

"Loki please! There is nothing you can do for them!" She said trying to pull him away.

"I have to try! Someone might still be alive!" He snapped trying to head for the next body.

"You and I both know the invading heathen leave none alive. We must hurry. They're coming back!" She said pulling harder on him.

"No! I have to try!" He snapped only to freeze at the sound of a heavy machine coming back towards them.

Michael turned and looked behind him and let out an actual curse. "Follow Gabriel. If that thing fires and we get caught in the blast it's over. That's a Panzer III tank."

Everyone moved, rushing towards the smaller blonde. Gabriel however seemed torn. He kept looking between the bodies of the fallen and the oncoming tank. It was clear that he wanted to find more survivors but with the German forces moving in there was nothing he could do. Gabriel finally let out a sob and headed for the tree line following the woman.

The group took off after him and as they hit the tree line there was the sound of the tank firing followed by nothing. Everything around them had changed. They were in a clearing with a small pool of crystal clear water and the sun was shining where moments ago it had been dusk. Gabriel took off his helmet and threw it, reveal his neatly buzzed hair, and let out an angry pain filled growl.

"Why?! Why?! There could have been more survivors out there Eglantine! I could have saved them! I could have helped them!" Gabriel shouted, tears filling his gold eyes.

"There was nothing you could have done Loki. You and I both know that." The woman, now known as Eglantine said softly, moving in close and hugging Gabriel to her chest as he broke down in tears. "Hush now. There is no need for tears."

"Most of them were just kids. They shouldn't be fighting!" Gabriel sobbed out, clinging to her. "The battlefield is no place for kids."

"I know but such is the way of man." She said. "Now rest. In the morning you should move on. To a place untouched by this blight. I hear that Australia is a wonderful place to visit this time of year."

"Then who will help them? If I don't help then-"

"Listen to me Archangel Gabriel, this war is not your war. You have no place in it. I know you follow your Father's will but you are no longer part of Heaven. Let this go. You do not have any reason to shoulder this burden." Eglantine said, kissing the top of his head before the world went fuzzy.

"Whoa...What hell now?" Dean asked as suddenly they were standing on the shoreline instead of a forest.

"We're going through Gabriel's memories." Lucifer said. "That was nothing more then a memory. This one probably is too."

There was a rush of water and Gabriel came rushing out of what appeared to be a tidal pool. It was such a shock to see that everyone just seemed to stand there for a moment staring. Gabriel was storming away looking both angry and upset and was halfway across the beach before any of them realized it. There was another rush of water and someone else appeared looking quite deranged.

"Oh Loki! I want to play some more!" Said the red haired man in a kilt. "Why are you running?"

Gabriel glared at the young man, his clothing somewhat torn and falling off him, and his hair coming loose from it's long braid, looking as though it had been grabbed and pulled on. "Fuck off Kyran! I told you that it's over!"

The man glared and let out a snarl and he came storming after the small blonde. "You don't tell me when it's over! I own you!"

"You don't own me! I'm not your property! I'm sorry I ever dated an asshole like you! What would your father say?" Gabriel spat, pulling out a dagger as he prepared to defend himself.

Kyran laughed, a falcata appearing in his hand. "Like my father is ever going to care about a washed up Norse defiler like you! Now come home so that I can tie you down to my bed and-"

Kyran's rant was cut short as a large spear went straight through his throat. Instead of blood rushing from the wound it appeared to be salt water. Gabriel seemed both shocked and horrified by what had just happened as the young man fell to the sand, clearly fighting to survive the inflicted wound. As the blonde moved forward to help he was stopped when a huge wave approached.

There was the sound of rushing water that filled the air as the wave hit the shore and a man walked out of it wearing traditional Celtic attire. His piercing sea blue gaze was fixed firmly on Kyran as he walked up to Gabriel and wrapped an arm tightly around him. As the young man began falling still the man turned away and began gently fixing Gabriel's clothing. The archangel tried to look behind him to Kyran but the man held him fast.

"Llyr...Why would you do that? Why kill him?! He was your son! Your own flesh and blood!" Gabriel snapped becoming more upset and agitated.

The man, now known as Llyr, hugged Gabriel to his chest, allowing the blonde to hide his frantic sobs. "He stopped being my son the minute he began raising his hand to you. I had already warned him, as had others, just what the consequences should be if he did it again. I loved Kyran but after hearing his words to you, and seeing the bruises he left on you, I feel I am justified in my actions."

"Why do this for me? I don't understand." Gabriel said, looking lost even as Llyr began fixing his hair, his clothes now mended and covering him properly once more.

"I did it for you because, unlike the others, I know who, and what, you are. Your secret shall ever be safe with me. I have heard tell of what was done to you by your own family." Llyr revealed. "Should you ever need sanctuary my realm is forever open to you Child of God."

Gabriel was silent for several minutes as his hair was neatly braided and tied into place once more. "My name is Gabriel." He whispered, his voice barely heard over the crashing ocean. "I am the Archangel Gabriel."

Llyr smiled softly at him. "It is my pleasure to met you, Archangel Gabriel. You are forever welcome in my seas."

Gabriel managed a nod before he collapsed, the stress of what had just happened proving too much for him, and Llyr rushed to catch him. The scene changed again and this time the two humans were left feeling very out of place. Around them was nothing more pure white. It slowly began to change into that of a large open field. Sam and Dean both looked around, feeling like they should know where they were but at the same time they weren't sure at all.

"I know this place." Sam said softly. "I can't remember where though."

"Yeah I know what you mean." Dean agreed. "I swear I've been here before."

"This is near Sioux Falls." Castiel said. "We're not far from Bobby's house."

"Oh yeah!" Dean said. "I know this place. Bobby took us pheasant hunting remember Sammy?"

"Oh yeah! Matthew Tibbler's place right?" Sam said. "Why are we here? I doubt Gabriel was ever here. Unless it was for some pranks but I doubt Bobby would have let him get away with it."

The four angels looked at each other before Michael let out a sigh. "This isn't really Sioux Falls. This is Heaven." Michael explained. "Whatever we're about to see took place in Heaven. For some reason though it's appearing as someplace you've been to since-"

"Humans can't see heaven. Yeah. Joshua made sure we understood that." Dean snapped. "So what the hell? I don't see anything."

There was a brilliant flash that lit up the sky, making everything turn white for a moment. The flash was followed by an ear splitting scream. It was so raw and pain filled that it made Dean, Sam, and Castiel frown. The archangels however, looked horrified. Michael turned pale and looked like he was going to be sick. Lucifer was even worse, he was pale and shaking and he looked on the verge of collapse. Raphael seemed torn, as if he didn't know which brother to go to. Luckily Sam was there next to Lucifer before anyone else could move, leaving Raphael to take care of his eldest brother.

"Lucifer, are you okay?" Sam asked coming over to steady the blonde.

Lucifer clung to Sam and shook his head. "I can't...Please don't make me...I can't...I can't watch him die again!"

Sam frowned before he realized what Lucifer was referring to. "Is this when Razael-"

Sam could finish because he had to rush to catch the Devil as his legs gave out. Since none of them moved towards the painful memory it seemed that the memory had moved to accommodate them. Sam easily recognized Lucifer, having seen the Devil's previous dark haired vessel before. He was laying on the ground, splattered with blood that wasn't his own and his face was ashen and horror struck. There was a thin man with dark blue eyes and dark brown hair that was half pulled back into braid, also ashen faced but he seemed to be in a state of horrified disbelief. Both were staring at the same spot.

Gabriel was kneeling in the dirt, blood covering the ground, him, and the young man that was laying in his arms. The dark haired young man was wheezing softly in Gabriel's arms, his chest rising and falling sporadically as he struggled for breath. The youngest archangel was sobbing, his hands glowing as he channeled his power, trying to heal the gaping wound that started just under his son's rib cage and continued until just above his navel. The young man's hand was digging into Gabriel's golden feathers while his own blue feathers lay scattered about them and were slowly bursting into flame one by one.

"Just hold on Raz. I'm here. It's going to be okay." Gabriel assured his son before turning to glare up at Michael through his tears. "What the fuck is wrong with you Michael?!"

"Gabriel this..this was...it was an accident. I swear! I never meant to hurt anyone!" Michael said, looking on the verge of tears.

"He told you! Razael told you not to use it! He told you this would happen! He said the spells in the Lexicon were dangerous and should never be used! Why didn't you fucking listen?!" The brunette snapped.

"I didn't...I didn't think..." Michael was growing pale and looking like he was about to vomit.

"You never fucking think!" The younger archangel snapped before turning back to his son. "It's okay Raz. Just hang on okay? I have you."

"Mom...D-dad...is he?" Razael wheezed out, his voice weak.

Gabriel looked up at Lucifer, who was slowly trying to crawl his way over to the two. "He's okay. He's weak but he's okay. I promise."

Razael nodded and he began going limp. "I'm...I'm so...glad..."

Gabriel began to panic; it was clear that Razael was fading fast. "No! Come on Raz! Stay with me okay? Just..Stay with me. I can fix this. I can help you but your can't give up. Not now."

"Mom...Dad...I...love...you..." Razael whispered out, his body going limp as he whispered out the final word.

A broken sob left Gabriel. "No...Please no...Raz come on, you can't do this to me. Open your eyes Raz. Please. Don't...Don't give up on me please..."

Michael let out a strangled noise. "Razael?"

Lucifer let out a harsh noise that was somewhere between a sob and a scream, tears running down his face before he hung his head, his fingers digging into the blood stained ground. Gabriel was sobbing brokenly, clinging to his son's body, his hands still glowing, trying to force life into the pale and cooling body. A tall slim man with blonde hair and green eyes appeared behind Gabriel and began gently pulling him away from Razael's body.

"He's gone Gabriel. I'm sorry. He's gone. Let him go." The man said softly.

Michael took a step closer and Gabriel flew from the man's hold and attacked Michael, hitting and punching him in the chest but his attacks were more pain driven and Michael barely flinched, his dark blue eyes drawn to Razael's unmoving body. The tall blonde came over and pulled Gabriel off of his older brother which seemed to enrage the brunette even more.

"Let me go Dad! I'm going to kill him! He has to pay! Look what he did! He killed my son! That was my son Michael! You're a murderer! He was just a child! He was just a child! He never should have been here! You killed him! You...You killed him! My son...my son...he's dead. Dad...he's gone! No...not my son...my son...Dad...please...I want him back..."

Gabriel sobbed into his father's chest as Chuck held him tight. "I'm sorry Gabriel. I'm so sorry. You should never have felt this kind of pain. I'm sorry."

"Dad...please...I want him back..." Gabriel sobbed, his voice breaking horribly as he collapsed against his father. "Please...bring him back...I'm begging you...please..."

Tears filled those green eyes as Chuck held his youngest archangel tighter. "I'm sorry Gabriel. You know I can't. I'm sorry..."

Michael stepped forward, blood decorating his front from Gabriel's attack. "Gabby...I never...I never meant for this to happen. I never wanted to hurt you this way. This was an accident. Razael-"

"SHUT UP!" Gabriel scream, fighting his father's embrace once more. "Don't you ever speak his name again Michael! If you do I swear I'll kill you!"

"Gabriel I swear I never meant for this to happen!" Michael pleaded.

Gabriel fell still in his father's embrace, but his golden gaze was cold as ice and his face was completely blank, giving him a sinister look. "Know this Michael. I will never forgive you for this. I can only hope that one day you'll know this pain I feel. When that day comes you'll find no help from me."

Everything faded to gray and everyone was silent until Dean spoke up. "Does anyone else feel like we don't belong here? And not just because we're going through memories I doubt Gabe ever wanted us to see. I mean I feel like this isn't right."

Castiel frowned and tilted his head. "I feel it too. I think we're in the wrong place."

"How so?" Sam asked, keeping Lucifer close, the blonde archangel shaking with his face buried in the hunter's chest.

"It feels like we're not in the right place. Like we're nowhere close to him." Dean said. "All of these memories...they've all been about the same thing. Gabriel losing something. Maybe we're in the wrong set of memories."

"So then we find a happier set. Maybe he's there." Sam said before frowning. "How...How do we do that though?"

"We simply change our train of thought." Raphael said. "We came in here upset because of what happened. We need to empty ourselves of all the negative emotions we feel and focus on positive ones."

"Think happy thoughts huh?" Dean said with a glare. "Alright then. What have we got to lose? So we think happy thoughts and everything should change then rights? We'll see new memories?"

Raphael nodded, helping his eldest brother get to his feet once more, Michael's face still somewhat ashen. "It's easy for us angels but how easy will it be for humans?"

"Fuck you." Dean said. "We've got this right Sam?"

Sam nodded. "We do. For Gabriel."


	12. Memories Volume 2

**Chapter 12: Memories Volume 2**

"Where the hell are we now?" Dean snapped, looking around at the richly furnished room with the canopy bed.

"This is Gabriel's room." Raphael said. "This is his room in heaven."

"So where's Gabe then?" Sam asked.

There was a rustling and Gabriel appeared, looking rather shaken. He had a needle and a several other things. He moved over to his desk and poked his finger. He gathered the blood on a strip and added a few things before he sat back to wait. After a few minutes he got up and began pacing. The archangel seemed very agitated.

"What's going on?" Casteil asked. "Why does Gabriel seem so upset?"

"I...I think I know what this is." Lucifer said looking up. "I think this is when he found out."

Sam frowned. "Found out what?"

Gabriel suddenly stopped pacing and walked back over to his desk. "Okay. Time's up. Let's see what you say..."

He picked up the paper only to drop it back down just as quickly. His hand flew to his stomach and he looked like he was shocked. He picked the paper up and read it again with a smile. A laugh escaped his lips and he began to gently rub at his stomach.

"I can't believe this...I'm actually pregnant." He said with a smile before he seemed to turn pensive. "Now what am I going to do? I'm pretty sure that this wasn't on Lucifer's list of things he wanted to do. Don't worry though. I'm not getting rid of you. I have no problems raising you by myself. I can't wait to meet you. Good thing I'm a healer. I won't need to let anyone know that-"

There was loud banging on the door and Gabriel jumped a foot. "Gabby!" The door knob rattled. "Gabriel open the door! Your brothers are worried about you. They said you keep getting sick."

Gabriel went over to the door and opened it revealing Chuck. "Dad...I need to talk to you."

Chuck rushed in pulling his youngest close. "Are you alright? Michael said you got sick during training and you passed out. What's wrong? You have your brothers scared."

The archangel swallowed hard. "Dad...You know how I've been seeing Lucifer...Well...a few weeks ago things got...a bit out of control. We let our Graces touch and...I'm pregnant."

"You're what?!"

Chuck and Gabriel turned to see the other three archangels in the doorway. Lucifer was pale and looked to be in a bit of shock. He slowly came into the room stumbling slightly, even as he reached for the brunette. Gabriel moved behind Chuck, looking slightly afraid, both arms wrapping around his stomach protectively. Lucifer paused at seeing it and frowned, a look of hurt on his face.

"Gabby?" Lucifer asked. "What are you doing?"

"I know how you feel Lucifer." Gabriel said. "So I guess that this is goodbye. I'm sorry."

Lucifer's expression when from hurting to confusion as he tried to get closer but Gabriel made sure to keep their father between them. "Goodbye? Gabby what are you talking about? You said you were pregnant. Is that true?"

Gabriel nodded. "I just found out. I'm sorry I wasn't more careful. Don't worry. I don't blame you. I also won't ask you for anything. This is my problem so I can handle it alone. My child will-"

"Our child."

The brunette paused and stared at the older angel. "What?"

"I said our child." Lucifer repeated. "You've only slept with me so that makes this child half mine right? That means it's ours."

"But you said you never wanted kids Lucifer! I don't want this to affect your life." Gabriel said. "I can raise the child by myself. It's fine."

"What about this affecting our child's life?" Lucifer said, his tone growing dark. "Do you really want our child to grow up without it's father? Sure I may not have ever wanted kids but I am not going to walk out now. I do love you. You know this. I will not abandon you when you need me the most."

Gabriel suddenly rushed past their dad and straight into Lucifer's embrace. Lucifer held his younger brother close, kissing the top of his head. "Luci I was...I was so scared. I didn't want to do this alone and I was afraid to tell you."

"I know you were. I could see it. We're in this together. I may not have wanted a child but I'm not going to run away. Not now, not ever." Lucifer said softly. "I can't believe we're going to be parents."

"Me either." Gabriel admitted. "I haven't been this happy since you said yes."

The world turned to gray once more. Everyone turned to look at Lucifer, who had tears in his eyes. Sam gave the Devil a smile and hugged him. Lucifer accepted the hug without question. It was easy to see why Gabriel had been so smitten with the Second Born all those years ago. Lucifer had been a very honorable angel before his Fall.

"So your kid was an accident?" Dean asked. "Didn't see that coming."

"Neither did I." Lucifer admitted. "Of course we missed the best part. Michael cleaned my clock for knocking Gabriel up."

"What do you think we'll see next?" Sam asked.

"With Gabriel it's hard to tell." Michael said softly. "Gabriel always tried to downplay things."

"He was good at that." Raphael said. "He was always too concerned with helping others to worry about himself."

The scene changed and Gabriel was stumbling along alone down a long hall, one had clutched to his slightly swollen stomach, and the other being used to support himself as he continued to walk. He made it to his room and stumbled his way to his bed. Laying down he put both hands on his stomach and began softly counting. He managed to make it to three hundred before stopping.

"Not good. Only five minutes apart. Why did they have to go?!" Gabriel said, his hands running over his stomach nervously. "Looks like it's just you and me kid. Don't worry. I won't let anything happen to you."

Sam turned to look at Lucifer. "Where were you?"

"Dealing with some leftover Darkness." Michael suppled. "I made him stay behind. I couldn't risk losing him and Lucifer's unborn child."

Gabriel let out a sharp cry and had everyone looking at him. He managed a shaky snap and he was suddenly laying on clean white sheets and was covered up to his waist by another leaving his bare from the waist up. Another snap had his angel blade appearing in his hand. The blade glowed red hot for a minute before stopping. Gabriel took a steadying breath and lowered the blade to his stomach.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" Dean snapped. "Please tell me he isn't serious!"

"GABBY! WHERE ARE YOU?!"

Gabriel dropped the blade with a shaky laugh. "DAD! HELP ME!"

Chuck appeared almost instantly. He took in his son's state and within moments he took charge. He picked up the blade and, after touching Gabriel's stomach gently, frowned. He looked up at the archangel and Gabriel suddenly became panicked. Chuck looked towards the door then back at his son.

"Gabriel I hate to do this but I'm going to have to put you under for a few minutes. The child is in distress. I'm going to have to put you down so you won't endanger either of you. The pain is going to be intense and I don't want you to be afraid. Okay?" Chuck said.

Gabriel nodded. "I trust you dad. Just... sure my child's okay. I don't care what happens to me but make sure my child survives. Please."

Chuck smiled, his hand coming up and touching his son's brow. "You will both be fine. I promise. I won't let anything happen to you. Just rest."

The world faded out a bit. It didn't faded to gray like every other time but instead it blurred out. Blurry shapes moved around them and voices faded in and out. There were shouts and screams. Two blurry figures that seemed to be fighting and a third that broke them apart. There was a hush that settled as the cry of and infant split the air.

The world slowly came back into focus. Gabriel blinked his gold gaze focusing on Lucifer, who was holding a small wrapped bundle. Gabriel tried to sit up but it was apparent that he lacked the strength. He was deathly pale with dark circles under his eyes and he seemed really weak. He let out a weak noise that had Michael and Raphael at his side helping him sit. They made sure that he was resting comfortably against the pillows before they moved back, letting him have breathing room. Lucifer came over with a smile, holding the bundle close. Gabriel was watching Lucifer looking both excited and anxious. The Second Born sat down at the edge of the bed giving the brunette a smile.

"I think someone wants to meet you Gabby." Lucifer said, placing the bundle in his arms.

Gabriel stared down at the child in his arms. Dark hair dusted the top of the baby's head, the locks already beginning to curl. There was a little whimper and the baby's eyes slowly opened. Gabriel couldn't help but let out a laugh at seeing that his child had inherited his gold eyes. He couldn't help but coo at the baby in his arms.

"Congratulations Gabriel." Michael said. "A healthy baby boy."

"It was touch and go for a while." Raphael said softly. "We weren't sure you were going to make it. You tore pretty bad and Dad seemed more concerned with your son then you."

Gabriel nodded. "I know. I asked him to. I wanted him to survive."

Lucifer sighed but smiled. "You've been out for three days. You scared all of us. Now that you're awake would you like to name our son?"

"Razael. Razael Dritan." Gabriel said softly. "My son. He's...He's perfect."

Lucifer moved closer so he could sit next to Gabriel and help support him. "Yes. Yes he is. I'm so proud of you Gabriel. I love you. You and Razael."

The world faded to gray and when it came back. The scene had changed. Sam and Dean startled as they recognized the place. It was the university in Ohio where they first met Gabriel before they knew exactly who he was. The angel was watching them as they walked along. Gabriel was staring at Sam as they walked. It was clear to see that the angel was smitten. It was only once they were sleeping that Gabriel appeared, staring down at Sam.

"Just when I didn't think there was any beauty left in this world. Dad just had to go and thrust you into my life." Gabriel said. "Why now though? After all this time and after all those prayers why now are you sending me a sign Dad? What's so special about this one human? Other then the fact that he's the most beautiful person I've ever seen?"

Gabriel moved closer and leaned down almost as if he was going to kiss Sam. He came very close to kissing him when the angel suddenly moved back, shaking his head. He gave Sam a fond look and pulled his blankets up a bit more. Shaking his head the angel vanished and the world turned gray once more. Dean turned and gave his brother a grin.

"Looks like Gabe had the hots for you even before you even knew it!" Dean said.

"Yeah. I'm noticing." Sam said as the world around them changed to a building that he knew.

"Please." Sam begged. "Just...please."

"I swear it's like talking to a brick wall!" Gabriel snapped, hanging his head before looking back up at Sam's upset face. "Okay look! This all stopped be fun months ago. You're Travis Bickle in a skirt pal. I'm over it."

"Meaning what?" Sam asked.

"Meaning that's for me to know and you to find out." Gabriel said, pointing at Sam before snapping his fingers making the hunter vanish. The angel waited until he was sure he was alone before he broke down. "Why the fuck and I so damn weak against him?! Why Sam?! Is this some kind of sick joke Dad?! You give me my mate and he hates my fucking guts!" The angel sighed and slumped to the floor. "I know why. My punishment right? Well fuck you Dad! I don't need him! I don't need anyone." He said before he began to softly cry. "I'm fine by myself. Oh who the hell am I kidding? I'm the archangel Gabriel and I'm in love with Sam Winchester. I am so fucking boned."

The gray returned and changed into a forest. It was wet and raining. There was a loud groan and the snapping of branches. Through the brush came two figures, one of them slightly hunched over and the other breathing hard. As they got closer the could hear the frantic whispers of someone talking.

"Get up Gabriel! Come on! On your feet! We need to move before he comes back!"

Gabriel was being helped along by a young woman. She was wearing blue jeans and a dark blue tank top with a dark blue zip up hoodie over it that was slipping off her shoulder. Her long brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She was helping along Gabriel who was clutching at his stomach. She was just a bit taller then he was which was a good thing since she was practically carrying him along. She paused and looked behind them before pulling the blonde along again, her green eyes worried.

"Come on. I know you're hurting but you can rest soon okay? I promise." She said. "Just keep going. Not much longer now."

The world blurred out again and when it came back they were in a cabin. The young woman was helping Gabriel take a drink. Once he was finished she began looking at the bandage wrapped around his stomach. There was a bit of blood seeping through and she frowned and grabbed bunch of things to change them. Everything blurred again and when it came back she was pacing and talking on the phone.

"He's fine. The wound was bad but I'm healing him. I think his spell didn't go off right. It's why he was still so badly injured." She said. "Don't worry I can handle this. I'm a trained healer my love. We are safe. I made sure to ward the place. No there's no need for you to come way out here. Finish your work. I'll still be here when you finish. I have to go. Gabriel's bandages need changing and his fever is back. I know. I love you too. Stay safe."

The world blurred once more and when everything came back into focus only some things had focus while the rest didn't. The woman from before was visible but her companion was not. She was blocking the person she was with from getting too close to Gabriel. Even some of the cabin around them had blurred. It made everything seem strange.

"I told you I could handle this." She said to the blurry figure.

"I have every right to be here. I haven't seen him in years. Please. Just let me see him." Came a worried male voice.

The woman moved and the blurry figure came closer seemingly looking over Gabriel. "Another fever? How many does this make? Five? Six?"

"Try ninth. I think there was something on his blade that didn't agree with him. I haven't isolated it." She said.

"Have you tried checking for meadow saffron? He liked using it on his blade." The person said.

"No. I didn't even think to check." She said moving away to grab something.

The person leaned down and kissed Gabriel's brow. "I've missed you. You have no idea how much I've missed you so much. Maybe someday we can be together again. I love you. Stay strong."

"Who he hell were they?" Dean asked.

"I don't know." Michael admitted. "I don't recognize either of them."

"Neither do I." Raphael said.

"They seem to know Gabriel quite well." Lucifer said. "But...For some reason I feel like...I should know them."

Castiel nodded. "She...The girl looked familiar. I don't know why."

"I don't understand. This isn't the first time I felt this."

"Me too."

The world shifted to gray once more. This time they were in a hotel room. Dean and Castiel were sitting on Dean's bed watching the tv. Sam was sitting at the table doing some work on his laptop. There was a rustle and Gabriel appeared, holding a single red rose. Sam looked up with a smile but it faltered when he saw the rose.

"Gabriel?" Sam asked softly.

Gabriel gave him a nervous smile and held out the rose. "For you."

Sam took it with a smile. "Thank you. It's beautiful."

"It came from my greenhouse." The blonde said with a flush. "I remember you saying that you liked them. I was wondering...I was going to go out for some ice cream. I was wondering if maybe you'd like to come with me? They also serve parfait there. I could have ice cream and you could have yogurt. What do you say Sam?"

The hunter looked at the rose and then shut his laptop. The human went into the bathroom with the rose and shut the door behind him. Gabriel sighed; he should have known that Sam would say no. The brunette had turned him down every single time he'd asked so far. He turned and gave Castiel and Dean a weak smile and a wave before heading toward the door. Maybe a walk would clear his head. The door to the bathroom opened and Sam came back out, the rose in a cup with water in it. He sat it on his bedside table and grabbed his jacket.

"So you promised me a parfait?" Sam asked with a smile.

Gabriel grinned and took his hand and they appeared on a street somewhere in Japan. He led Sam into a store and placed two orders. One for himself and one for Sam. Ten minutes later when the waitresses came back one had a fairly large parfait, while the other was carrying a huge glass that was filled. It had parfait at the bottom, fresh strawberries, sugar waffles, cake, ice cream, whipped cream, and strawberry pocky. Gabriel began digging in and had nearly polished off half of it before Sam had barely started in on his. The hunter instead was watching him with a fond smile.

"Thank you for bringing me Gabriel." Sam said suddenly.

Gabriel gave him a smile. "Thanks for coming with me. It means a lot to me."

"This was supposed to be a date wasn't it?" The hunter asked with a smile. "You were asking me out on a date again. That's why you brought me the rose."

The archangel swallowed hard and suddenly seemed less interested in eating his food. "As much as I want it to be you've made it clear that you don't like me that way. I figured it was time to stop harassing you. This is just-" Gabriel's voice broke for a moment and he shook himself. "This is just ice cream between friends. Enjoy it."

There was a heavy sigh. "Gabriel?"

The angel froze and looked up. "Sam?"

"Ask me."

"Why?"

"Just ask me."

The angel took a deep breath and figured he might as well humor the hunter. "Sam Winchester, will you please allow me to court you?"

Sam leaned across the table and gave the angel a quick kiss on the cheek. Gabriel froze, looking at the human in shock. His cheek was tingling where Sam's lips had touched. A sappy smile slide over his face making Sam laugh. Gabriel's smile grew at seeing his hunter laugh.

"So...was that a yes?" The archangel asked softly.

Sam nodded. "Yes Gabriel. That was a yes. I don't mind dating you."

Gabriel could stop the happy chuckle that came out of him and soon they were both sitting there laughing, their food forgotten.


	13. Reality or Fantasy?

**Chapter 13: Reality of Fantasy?**

"We're still in the wrong memories." Castiel said. "Gabriel wasn't there either."

"Then where the hell could he be?" Dean asked. "We've tried both good memories and bad memories. What the hell is left to try?"

"Maybe the memory Gabriel is in is one that doesn't hold joy or sorrow?" Michael asked. "Maybe they have another emotion?"

"I swear to Chuck if you make me go through some memory that pisses me off anymore then I already am I will deck every archangel here." Dean snapped.

Lucifer sighed. "There was a time when I knew Gabriel better then anyone. So much time apart means that we've both changed. I wish I could more help in finding him."

"He hasn't changed that much." Michael insisted. "He's still our Little Brother and nothing will change that."

"Okay so if it's not a sad memory or a sappy one...Then what should we be looking for?" Dean asked. "Cause I'm out of ideas."

"What if we're going about this the wrong way entirely?" Castiel asked. "What if Gabriel's memories are only the path leading to him?"

"Not following." The eldest hunter snapped.

"What if we are following the wrong person?" Castiel asked.

Lucifer blinked. "How are we doing that? These are Gabriel's memories. How could we not follow him?"

"Oh!" Raphael exclaimed. "Castiel you might be on to something! I didn't even consider that."

"Consider what?" Michael asked.

"That maybe the reason we can't find Gabriel is because where not following the right path. Tell me...out of all those happy memories who appeared in them the most?" The Third Born asked.

"It was me." Sam said softly. "You think I can find Gabriel?"

"Of course! You're his mate Sam. Once an angel takes a mate our mates become our everything." Lucifer said. "You can find Gabriel."

Everything changed around them and it was now a boardwalk. Sam and Gabriel were walking along it, Sam with a frozen yogurt and Gabriel with a huge ice cream. They were walking close enough that they were touching and it was clear to see that Sam was more comfortable then before.

"So then I realized that the whole thing was really cursed and I got out of there." Gabriel said before taking another bite of his ice cream. "I was just thankful that the crew believed me. Everyone got on a lifeboat and asked to start a new life somewhere to escape it. So I set them up in Italy."

"I can't believe that the Mary Celeste was your fault!" Sam said with a smile.

"It wasn't my fault!" Gabriel said with a flush. "I just helped get them out of trouble. I'm not the one who cursed the damn boat."

"Right. Of course you did." Sam said, bending down and giving the angel a quick kiss on the check before running off towards the beach.

Gabriel's hand came up and touched the spot where Sam had kissed him. He had this looked of a shocked happiness before letting out a sigh. "I wish you'd let me show you the joys of being with a guy but I guess this is as close as I'll ever get. If it means keeping you by my side forever then it's time to kiss my sex life goodbye."

"Gabe! You coming?!" Sam called back at him, almost halfway to the beach.

Gabriel gave him a smile. "Yeah! Right behind you Sammich!"

The scene faded and this time the two were laying on the bed in a motel watching an old movie. Sam was curled up next to Gabriel and eating fruit from a small bowl. Gabriel was eating popcorn and both of them were glued to the movie. Sam shifted and his free hand went behind the blonde and slid up into his hair. Gabriel stifled a moan as Sam rubbed at his scalp. It only took a few minutes before Gabriel gave the hunter a tight smile and pulled away.

Sam frowned. "Why do you keep doing that? Every time I start to touch your hair lately you pull away. Why?"

Gabriel flushed and looked away before motioning towards the very visible bulge in his pants. "It's not you. It's me. I...I'm sorry. I should go for tonight." He said setting the popcorn aside and moving from the bed.

Sam caught his wrist. "Why are you running away?"

"I'm trying to respect your wishes Sam." Gabriel said softly, refusing to look at the hunter. "You told me that you didn't want to do anything sexual so I was going to go. You have no idea just how tempting you are."

"So...Every time you leave it's because I'm making you hard?" The hunter asked in disbelief.

The blonde nodded. "I'm sorry Sam. Just another week and it'll stop happening. I promise."

Sam suddenly let him go. "Stop happening? Gabriel? What are you doing?"

Gabriel shifted nervously. "I...I don't want to lose you or pressure you. You said that this wasn't going to turn sexual so I...I figured that if...if I made the right potion I could stop getting hard and you wouldn't feel pressured just because you're dating a really horny archangel. It'd just have to take it once every few months and it only takes a week to make. You just need to put up with me for another-SAM!"

"That shut you up didn't it?" Sam asked, his hand down the front of the angel's pants, stroking him through the soft silk of the blonde's boxers.

Gabriel let out a moan and weakly pulled at Sam's wrist even though his hips were bucking into the hunter's gently touches. "Sam...You don't have to do this. I can-oh fuck!-take care of it later. Sam you...you feel so good...You have to stop...That feels soooo good...You shouldn't be doing this Sam..."

"I've been thinking...I'm willing to try. You'll have to go slow and teach me. It might take me a while until I feel more comfortable but I am willing." Sam whispered against Gabriel's ear as his free hand slid back into the angel's golden hair.

The blonde opened his mouth to respond but all that came out was a sharp cry as he came, Sam's words, and touches sending him over the edge. Sam pulled back a bit in shock while Gabriel fought to catch his breath. Sam seemed shocked and in disbelief while Gabriel was flush with embarrassment.

"That was quick." Sam commented, still a bit shocked.

"I haven't been touched like that in a long time Sam." Gabriel said softly. "Since the hotel the night I died."

The brunette blinked. "That was at least three years ago Gabe. You haven't touched anyone in three years?"

"No. I've taken care of it when the problem arises, no pun intended. After you agreed to date me I devoted myself to you." Gabriel said. "Cheating goes against my very nature. I knew what I was getting into. I could have chosen to walk away when you said no sex but I stayed because I care about you. I can live without the sex. Will I miss it? Yeah but you're more important."

Sam pressed up against Gabriel's back, wrapping his arms tight around the angel. "You can be so sweet sometimes. Why don't you go get changed and then we can curl up for tonight?"

Gabriel stiffened. "I...You're letting me stay the night?"

The hunter kissed his cheek. "Yeah. It's been three months. I don't see why not. Would you rather not stay?"

"No!" Gabriel said quickly. "It's just...I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I normally sleep in the nude. The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable."

"How do you feel about sleeping in our boxers then?" Sam asked even as he began stripping down.

Gabriel was still for a minute before he snapped and was suddenly dressed in a pair of blood red silk boxers. He nervously glanced at Sam as the hunter crawled into bed before he did the same. Sam turned out the lights and Gabriel started to relax only to tense as Sam curled his tall frame around him. There was a chuckle from behind him and warm fingers slid into his hair.

"Relax Gabe. Tonight is just for us. Okay? No pressure." Sam said softly.

Gabriel let out a low moan as his head was rubbed. His body began to relax and Sam laughed again at the purr that came from the angel. With a content sigh Gabriel bunkered down into the large body behind him and closed his eyes. The world faded to gray once more and Sam let out a frustrated noise.

"This isn't working. These are memories of me but how is this helping?" Sam asked. "This was a long time ago. It doesn't matter now!"

"What if we're at the wrong starting point?" Dean asked. "What if Gabriel is somewhere closer to what happened now?"

"Like a more recent memory?" Sam asked.

"It's possible. Chuck said you and Gabriel were having a serious talk before they saved you guys. What were you talking about?" Dean asked.

Sam blinked. "Um...Us...Our future together. We were talking about starting a family."

"A family?" Lucifer asked a bit shocked. "Gabby said he'd never have another child. Not after losing Razael the way we did. Gabby insisted that-"

"His heart wouldn't be in it. I know." Sam said. "He asked about having a kid with me and he said that he wanted a girl this time. We...I was crying because he told me he was dying and-"

"Describe it Sam." Michael demanded, looking around them as the world began to take focus. "Describe the family your both wanted."

"We wanted a girl. Gabriel said he wanted her to have my eyes because he always loved my eyes. I told him that it was only fair the that she got his blonde hair. He couldn't decide on a name though because he never thought about them. I picked it out. I said we should call her-"

"Mary Rosie Winchester! It's time to go! Come on!"

"Coming Daddy!"

Everyone blinked to find themselves on a beach. It was a small cove with a beach. A large white two story house with a wrap around porch was behind them a little ways up a set of dunes with a well worn path winding through them. A small blonde girl ran past them and straight into Sam's arms. Sam picked her up and spun her around making her squeal. Sam put her down and they walked over to Gabriel, who was standing there with a toddler on his hip.

Sam leaned in close and kissed him. "Ready to head inside? It's almost dinner time."

Gabriel nodded with a smile. "Yeah. I'm ready. Let get these two cleaned up first. They're both covered in sand."

"Gabby?" Lucifer called out softly.

Gabriel flinched and looked over his eyes going wide, the fake Sam faltering and gave him a strange look. "You look like you need a minute. I'll take Mary and Bobby and get them cleaned up okay?"

Gabriel nodded numbly and waited until the fake Sam had gone before turning on them. "Why? Why does this keep happening? Why do you keep showing up?! Go away you're not real!" He hissed.

"Gabby it's us!" Michael said. "We went into your mind to look for you! You're stuck here and we're trying to help!"

"Bullshit! You are nothing more then another one of Xaphanel's tricks again! That's how he works! He fucks with your mind until you don't know which end is up and nothing makes sense anymore!" Gabriel spat. "I am not falling for it again. I won't let him mind rape me anymore! I'm happy here! I have the life I always wanted! I have a mate who loves me! I have two wonderful children! I have a home and a family! One that doesn't try to kill each other! I'm safe here! No one can touch us! I can live out the rest of my life happy! I don't have to keep running away and hiding who I really am! I can finally be Gabriel again! I won't let some half baked demon illusion ruin this for me! You aren't real! None of you are real! At least I can die happy in a fantasy of my own creation instead of-"

Dean, sick of Gabriel's ranting, had rushed forward and grabbed Gabriel hard. The angel seemed shocked that the hunter had grabbed him. The eldest Winchester wasted no time. He pulled the blonde close, crushing the archangel's smaller frame against his own before he smashed their lips together. Gabriel struggled for a moment before their lips connected before his golden eyes went wide with shock. He was tense but soon he began to relax, almost melting against the hunter, his eyes slowly closing.

The other four angels and Sam were in shock. Michael was watching, looking quite slack jawed at the gall of his vessel. Lucifer's blue eyes were wide and he was watching in stunned disbelief, not too sure of what was happening. Raphael turned beet red and tried not to watch as the hunter kissed his younger brother. Castiel was stating, his head tilted as he watched his mate kiss his brother. Sam began seeing red, he wanted nothing more the to go over there and rip his brother off his mate.

Dean suddenly pulled back and looked down at Gabriel. "Now do you believe we're real?"

Gabriel blinked and stared up at Dean with a dazed look before he shook himself and shoved the hunter away hard, sending him to land on his ass in the sand. "Damn it Dean! What have I told you! You need to stop kissing me!"

Dean could help but laugh, even as he got to his feet. "It worked didn't it?"

"How are you guys even here? What's going on? Why is-" Gabriel paused and stared at Raphael. "What are you doing here?"

"He's the one who found us Gabe. He's the one who freed us from Xaphanel." Sam said.

Gabriel rushed over to Sam and jumped at him, the hunter catching him mid leap, and began placing kisses all over his face. "Sam...I was so worried. I didn't know if you were okay or if he had hurt you-"

Sam returned the kisses. "I'm fine. I was safe. I was so scared I lost you."

"You'll never lose me. I promise." Gabriel said, even as Sam put him down. "So why exactly are you in my head? I mean I can understand that I could use to company but this is a bit much, even for someone like me."

"Gabe you're trapped in your own mind right now." Sam said gently, holding his husband's hand.

The blonde shook his head. "How? Didn't...Didn't Dad save me?"

"He did but you died while still wearing Sigil Cuffs." Lucifer said. "You were also brought back while still wearing them. You know what that means?"

"I...I died with the cuffs on and was brought back the same way. What...What shape is my body in? It if fully healed or is there still damage?" Gabriel asked and it was clear to see that he was in healer mode trying to find a way to fix himself.

"You body was healed but you're on life support now. You're dying. Your body is starting to bruise and you don't heal." Michael said. "Suriel said that you are brain dead."

"It's not that. It's something else..." Gabriel trailed off. "Oh what the hell is it called?!"

"Disconnection." Castiel said.

"That's it!" Gabriel said with a smile. "I knew there was a reason you were my favorite Cassie."

"Do you know how to fix it?" Lucifer asked.

"I...I'm not sure. Disconnection isn't a medical thing." The blonde admitted. "It's more of an emotional thing. Like I couldn't let go of something. It's like an angel form of a ghost. Very rare. Only had a couple cases happen and they were normally seraphs who had lost their mates."

"But you didn't lose me." Sam said. "I lost you. Why would it affect you like that when you're the one that died?"

Gabriel let out a laugh. "You didn't lose me Sammich. I made you a promise didn't I?"

Sam let out a very upset noise. "But I did lose you! I held you in my arms as you died Gabe! You died and there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening."

The Fourth Born pulled his hunter close and held him. "You will never lose me Sam. You know why? Because I love you and nothing will change that."

"Then why are you like this?" Sam asked, fighting back tears. "Why did you Disconnect the way you did? Why was I not enough to keep you here?"

"Not enough?" Gabriel asked, blinking at him. "What makes you think you're not enough?"

"Because you're here and not out there with me." Sam said. "You've trapped yourself in your own mind and left me alone when I needed you the most."

Gabriel sighed. "Tell me something Sam. How did you find me?"

"I...I followed the memories of us. The memories of our times together when we were happy." The hunter admitted. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"What was happening when you found me?" The Trickster asked.

Sam frowned. "Gabe what does this have to do with-"

"Just humor me. Please." The angel begged.

"You...You were here. On a beach with me. Me and..." Sam faltered. "The daughter we talked about...We were a family..."

Gabriel gave him a smile. "Exactly. Out of all the memories you went through the ones that led you here were because of you. If that doesn't tell you anything then nothing else will. Can't you see Sam? You are my world. You are my everything. I came to a place where I was happy. A place with you. A place where we are safe and have a family. I am here because I couldn't bare living in a world without you in it. I died not knowing if you would survive and it killed some part of me so I did what I had to in order to make sure that I still had you. I trapped myself in a world where you were at the center of it all. If that doesn't prove that I would do anything for you then nothing ever will."

Sam let out a sob and grabbed a hold of Gabriel and kissed him hard. Gabriel kissed back just as hard. It took a few second to notice that the blonde was starting to glow. The glow kept getting brighter and brighter until he vanished in a flash. Sam looked around, worry and panic clear on his face.

"Gabe! GABE! GABRIEL!"

The world around them began to crumble. Castiel grabbed Dean and helped steady his mate as the hunter lost his balance. Lucifer fell and Michael was at his side instantly, making sure he was okay. Sam started to fall only to be caught by Raphael, who had rushed to his aid. Everything seemed to be dissolving like a picture made of sand and there was a loud rushing noise.

"What's going on?!" Dean shouted.

"I don't know!" Michael called back.

"I think Gabriel is Reconnecting." Raphael called back.

"What do we do?" Castiel asked, pulling Dean closer.

"Just hold on!" Lucifer shouted.

"GABE!" Sam screamed. "GABRIEL!"


	14. Cat and Mouse

**Chapter 14: Cat and Mouse**

"GABRIEL!" Sam yelled out, jerking awake.

"Easy." Suriel said. "You're fine. Just let me unhook everything."

"We found Gabriel and he vanished!" Sam said trying to turn and look at his husband.

It was only then that he realized that he was no longer in bed with the blonde. The heart monitor made an alarm noise as Sam's heart began to beat faster and Suriel reached up and turned it off. He finished unhooking everything and Sam nearly jumped up from the bed and over to the sectioned off part of the infirmary that hadn't been there before. He turned the corner and was met with the sight of Chuck leaning over Gabriel. Sam moved closer and his heart nearly stopped at seeing the life support turned off.

"Chuck...I need to see him..." Sam whispered, his voice breaking horribly as he began to fear that the worst had happened. "Please..."

Chuck turned and gave him a smile. "It's okay Sam. I promise. Come here and sit down."

The deity reached out and took Sam's hand and pulled him closer. He led him around to the far side of the bed opposite the curtains. He shoved the hunter into the seat next to the bed and wrapped a warm blanket around him. Sam shivered and pulled the blanket closer, he hadn't even realized he was cold until he took Gabriel's nearly burning warm hand in his own. He let out a shaky sigh and gave his mate's hand a gentle squeeze and his heart nearly stopped when Gabriel squeezed right back.

"Gabe?" Sam called softly.

Golden eyes slowly opened and took a minute to focus before landing on the hunter. "Hiya Sammich. Did you miss me?" The angel weakly asked.

Sam let out a sob and was in the bed, hugging his mate close, his head resting over the angel's strongly beating heart once more. "I thought I lost you."

"What did I tell you? You'll never lose me." Gabriel said, weakly wrapping his arm around Sam.

Suriel came over and began checking over the archangel with a smile. He didn't ask the human to move but instead worked around him, getting what he needed. Of course Gabriel made his dislike known by letting out a whine which made Suriel laugh. Soon enough he was pulling back with a pleased look.

"You're staring to recover Gabriel. Your body is beginning to stabilize and showing sighs of repair. I can only request that you remain on bed rest for another few days just to let your Grace build back up." The doctor said with a smile.

Gabriel sighed. "You always were one of my best students. Thank you for this So-So."

Suirel made a strange sound that was somewhere between a sob and a laugh. "I can't believe you remember that stupid nickname. That should be more then enough proof that you're healing. Now I will warn you that because of the trauma you are going to be very weak. You'll need help doing things until your strength comes back okay?"

The angel nodded. "Would I be allowed to go to my room with my mate?"

Suriel sighed but nodded. "It goes against my better judgment but yes. You can but please refrain for any strenuous activities. I don't want you back here so soon."

A crash startled everyone and there were footsteps followed by the curtains being yanked away. Lucifer stared his brother before breaking into a sob and collapsing next to the bed. The Fallen sobbed brokenly, bowing his head and trying to get his breathing under control. Gabriel started to try and get up but Michael was next to his mate in an instant, hugging him and whispering soft reassurances to him.

Michael looked up at the bed and gave Gabriel a nod and the younger laid back down, resting once more. There was a rustling and Castiel was suddenly in the bed with mated couple, hugging Gabriel tight and sobbing, broken Enochian leaving him in between the sobs. Gabriel weakly wrapped an arm around the younger angel and whispered back to him and the sobs began to slow. A few minutes later Dean appeared and pulled Castiel off the blonde and the angel went quietly, reassured for the moment. The hunter took his chance and leaned down towards the angel. Gabriel quickly put a hand up, stopping Dean in his tracks.

"What did I do?" Dean asked. "How come I don't get to cuddle you?"

"I've seen how this plays out." Gabriel said with a smile. "The last three times you've gotten this close you ended up kissing me. It ain't happening this time Dean-o. You really need-"

"To stop kissing you. I got it." Dean said leaning down to hug the angel. "If you don't want me to kiss you then stop giving me a reason to. Seriously. I'm glad you're okay."

"Thank you for not giving up on me." Gabriel said.

Across the room Chuck stood next to Raphael, who was watching as everyone was gathered around Gabriel. Raphael sighed; he wanted to go over there but he knew in his heart that Gabriel woudn't want him there. This was a family gathering and his actions had made him an outcast. Gabriel would never care for him like he once had.

"You'll never stop hurting if you don't talk to him." Oiveae said coming over to him. "That's how healing begins. By talking about your problems."

Raphael shook his head. "Talking won't change anything. Not after what I did to him. He...He's my little brother. I was supposed to protect him and instead I damaged him. I did things that never should have been done. I can never forgive myself for that even if he does forgive me."

"That's a good way to kill your own soul." Monons said. "If I know Gabriel, and believe me when I say that I know him better then anyone, he is waiting on you to come to him and apologize. Once you do...You'll find a peace you only dreamed of having again. You'll never know if you don't try."

Raphael nodded. "Thank you for the advice...And for helping Gabriel and myself. I can never repay you for that."

"You want to repay us?" Monons said. "Then take the chance."

Raphael turned to look at the man, ready to spit out a scathing comment, only to pause. He looked closely at the man and noticed the dark curls of hair escaping from the hood and the horrible scaring that was barely visible under his skin tight shirt. His eyes went wide and he leaned forward trying to look into the hood to confirm the identity of the young man before him. A hand on his arm stopped him and he turned to look at Oiveae, her hood pulled back far enough that she was staring at him with a pair of brilliant green eyes framed by brown hair. Raphael stepped back feeling the shock run through him; he knew both of them; both of them had been in Gabriel's memories! Monons picked up the Lexicon, grabbed Oiveae's hand and just like that they were gone.

Raphael shook himself and looked back to Gabriel, unsure of what to do with the information that he had just learned. He blinked at seeing the blonde sitting up in the bed and realized that in a moment he would be in their way. Sam was talking about taking Gabriel up to their room to rest instead of him staying in the infirmary. If they did that then Gabriel would see him since he was standing next to the only exit. He wasn't sure if was ready to face his baby brother down just yet. With a sigh he slowly and carefully backed out of the room. As Michael had once told him during his training, sometimes discretion was the better part of valor.

SSSSS

"Are you sure you don't want me to carry you?"

"I'm fine Sam. Just really shaky. It's just a few more feet anyway."

Lucifer looked at the doorway in shock, his cooking forgotten at hearing his baby brother's voice. Was Sam really letting Gabriel walk around so soon? Looking over he saw that apparently Michael and Raphael were thinking the same thing. It had only been a few days since the youngest archangel had woken from his coma; far too soon for Gabriel to be pushing himself.

Michael jumped from his chair and pulled a second one out for Gabriel, knowing the blonde would need it. He was right too when Gabriel came into the kitchen, leaning against the door frame to catch his breath with Sam almost right on top of him. Gabriel looked up and a blinding smile lit up his face at seeing his older brothers. The only thing showing that the blonde wasn't at his best was the pale skin and cirlces under his eyes.

"Mike! Luci!" He said looking like he has just gotten his favorite candy. "I was hoping you'd be here! I missed you!"

Michael moved forward to help him but Gabriel waved him off and began making his unsteady way to the chair that his eldest brother had gotten ready for him, making Michael frown with worry. "Gabriel you really shouldn't be pushing yourself so soon. Not after what happened."

Gabriel flopped down in the chair with a sigh. "You mean after I was beaten and raped by a demon for a month before being killed, brought back, and then trapped in my own mind while suffering from Disconnection?"

Michael flinched. "Do you have to say it like that?"

"Does it bother you that much Mike?" Gabriel asked, turning to look at him.

"Yes. It hurts that I wasn't able to protect you." The First Born said.

Gabriel let out a sigh and grabbed Michael's hands, making the eldest angel startle. "Mike I need you to do me a favor okay?"

The elder angel nodded. "Anything Gabby. You know that."

"Then stop blaming yourself. Please?" Gabriel said softly.

"Gabby what happened was-"

"Not your fault." The Trickster said seriously. "I mean it Mike. There is nothing you could have done. Nothing at all. Xaphanel would still have found a way to get his claws into me one way or the other. You did more for me then I ever dreamed you would. Cassie and Dean-o told me everything Mike. Even about how you used your life energy to bring Raphael back and how you were willing to throw your life away just to get me back.

"I honestly never dreamed you'd be willing to do that for me anymore. I thought we had too much bad blood between us. So I just want to say thank you Mike. If I had any doubts about you before then I don't now and I never will again. I know I don't say it as much as I should but I do love you. Just so you know." He said bringing the First Born's hands up to kiss his knuckles.

Michael was suddenly hugging Gabriel tight and whispering softly to him. Gabriel smiled and held his oldest brother as he shook in his embrace. Lucifer smiled as he watched the two before turning back to his cooking. He gathered some of the eggs and bacon and put them on a plate and sat it down in front of his younger brother with a smile, wisely saying nothing when Michael pulled away with a tear stained face. The smaller blonde shot him a smile and then dug into is food.

"Now I need to talk to-Damn it!" Gabriel said as he looked around. "I swear to Dad Raph's one slick bastard!"

Lucifer frowned and looked around only to realize that Raphael was indeed gone, the only proof that he had even been there was the half finished cup of still warm coffee and pulled out chair. "When did Raphael leave? I never even heard him get up."

Sam chuckled. "I told you that you wouldn't be ready just yet Gabe."

"Can't blame me for trying right?" He asked with a smile. "I got closer this time."

Michael finally composed himself and turned back to them. "Ready for what?"

Sam chuckled. "Gabriel had been trying to get Raphael to talk to him for the past two days. Ever time Gabe thinks he has him, Raph manages to slip away. He was hoping to catch him here but Michael kind of distracted Gabe and thus the chase continues. At this rate Gabe is going to be far too giddy to take a nap later on."

"I can think of more pleasant things to do in a bed other then sleep." Gabriel said with a smirk.

"Gabriel..." Came Michael's warning tone.

"He means candy and a movie Mike." Sam reassured him. "That was what I promised him since sex was off the table."

Michael turned beet red. "I'm sorry."

"And here you call me a pervert. Look who's mind went straight into the gutter. You picked a real winner there Luci!" Gabriel said with laughter.

"To be fair I had help in corrupting him." Lucifer said with a smile.

Gabriel started laughing and it turned into a harsh coughing fit. Michael went to get him some water but Sam shook his head and passed him a warm cup of tea. The First Born held it steady while the blonde took slow sips until the coughing subsided. The eldest archangel didn't like the pallor of his younger brother skin or the tinge of blue to his lips. He frowned and took Gabriel's pulse, surprised when he found that it was racing.

"Are you okay?" Lucifer asked coming over.

"I'm calling Dad." Michael spit out.

"No! I'm fine." Gabriel insisted. "I really am. Whats going on is nothing more then after effects of the injuries and Disconnection. My body is still trying to adjust to life and my Grace again. Not to mention the fact that I'm still weak."

"Gabby your lips are blue and your pulse is racing. Please. I'm begging you." Michael said.

Gabriel sighed and nodded. Chuck appeared almost instantly looking quite worried. Sam couldn't help but smile despite the situation. He had no doubt, with the speed that the deity had showed up, that Chuck had been watching and waiting to be called. God quickly began examining his youngest archangel and Sam was shocked to see the power flowing from father to son. After a few minutes the brunette pulled back and the blonde was looking much better.

"Gabby? Is that better?" Chuck asked.

"Yeah Dad. It feels a lot better." The archangel admitted. "I didn't know it would be this uncomfortable. Sorry for dragging you down here."

The diety gave him a soft smile. "You know that I would be here for you in a heart beat. That hasn't changed. You know this. All you have to do is call me."

Gabriel nodded. "I know that now Dad. We're back to being a family again. Well...almost."

"I told you that it would work out didn't I?" Chuck asked with a smile. "You asked me what the future held for you and I told you that after everything that you would have what your heart desired most. You have your family back."

"Almost Dad." The blonde said with a smile. "Now the only thing I have left to do is talk to Raphael. I need to clear the air between us."

"Are you going to kill him?" Lucifer asked suddenly, making everyone turn to look at him.

"What makes you think I'm going to kill him?" The Trickster asked with a frown.

Lucifer shrugged. "I don't know. It just seems like something you might do. Your revenge pranks have gotten a lot darker since that last time we were together. It almost makes me worry about what you'll do to him after everything that he's put you through."

The was a heavy sigh. "Tell me something Lucifer...Didn't I forgive you for killing me? Didn't I forgive Michael for hitting me? Didn't I forgive Dad for running off and leaving us alone? I also forgave Dean for trying to kill me. Then there's Sam. I forgave what happened between us and I'm better for it. Doesn't that count for anything?"

"So you're going to forgive him then?" Lucifer asked in disbelief. "Just like that?"

"I don't know yet." Gabriel admitted. "In order to find out I have to talk to him first."

SSSSS

Raphael shoved the few books he absolutely needed into his bag. He'd found the heavy duty duffle bag in with a bunch of things that were just laying around. Once he managed to get a job and some human money he'd pay the Winchesters back. For now however, he was going to have to make do with what he could scavenge. Sure it made him feel like crap that he was essentially stealing but he didn't have a choice.

He double checked everything. He had his books, he had a few changes of clothes, he had his angel blades, and he had a plan. Raphael was running away. He wasn't proud of his decision but he was sure that he didn't have any other options. After the archangel had remembered what happened in the alternate world he realized that he didn't want to go through that again. He didn't want to have to earn everyone's trust again just in case they decided to make a different choice this time.

Turning back to what was once his room he took in the candles and the stacks of books. Raphael was leaving behind so much but what he was leaving behind could help the Winchesters and his brothers in their fight. This was the least he could do for them. It wouldn't completely erase his sins but maybe it would at least ease some of guilt from the sins he had committed.

With a sigh he fixed up the room as best he could so there wouldn't be a mess. Happy that the room was in order he turned to grab his bag. Frowning he looked around and realized that his bag wasn't where he left it. He turned a full circle only to realize that his bag had vanished entirely.

"What the hell? It didn't just vanish!" Raphael snapped, checking behind the stacks of books. "It was a bag!"

"Is this what you're looking for Raph?"

Raphael felt his heart jump into his chest as he turned to the door to find Gabriel standing next to this bag and blocking the door. "G-Gabriel..."

"Going somewhere Raphael?" The blonde asked, his expression blank.

"J-Just for a few d-days." He stuttered out. "I heard there was a place where a few lost tomes might be. I was going to head there and check it out. Get out of everyone's hair."

"You always were a horrible liar." The blonde said before snapping, the door behind him slamming shut and locking. "I think it's time we talked Raphael."


	15. Rebuilding a Burnt Bridge

**Chapter 15: Rebuilding a Burnt Bridge**

"Gabriel is now really the time for this?" Raphael asked. "You are still recovering. I don't think that you should be up and walking around so soon. You've been through a traumatic experience. Your body needs time to heal and your Grace has to recover."

"I know." The blonde said softly.

"Then go rest and we can talk when I come back." The older archangel said, stepping forward to grab his bag.

There was another snap and the bag was gone. Gabriel swayed horribly and then sat heavily on one of the piles of books. It was clear that Gabriel was pushing himself far too much too soon. If anything the angel should be in a warm bed, curled up with his mate, with a bowl of warm food, and resting instead of chasing him around in a cold, damp basement. Raphael snapped, intent on opening the door and calling for Sam or one of their older brothers, possibly even their Dad, but the door didn't budge. He frowned and tried again, pulling a chuckle and shake of the head from Gabriel.

"Nice try Raph but I've learned quite a few new tricks since we last saw each other dear brother." Gabriel declared, making his brother squirm.

"Open the door right now Gabriel! You are far too weak to be casting anything right now. Let me get Sam or Lucifer and then you can go rest." Raphael said. "You're going to hurt yourself!"

"Me? Hurt myself? As opposed to what? You hurting me?" The blonde asked. "It never seemed to bother you seeing me in pain before."

Raphael flinched at that, knowing that it had been the truth at one point; he had loved the screams and pleas for mercy that had fallen from his brother's lips as he had tortured and raped him. "Please. You need rest."

"And I will. After we talk." The younger insisted. "I'm tried of chasing you around. We are both far too old be to acting like spoiled children. Don't get me wrong I still do act like a child but I also have the excuse of being the youngest."

"And we can talk once you're laying down and resting." The dark skinned angel insisted, sowly moving closer. "Once you're better."

Gabriel looked up at his older brother and glared, his pale skin and the dark circles under his eyes giving him a nearly sinister appearance. "You mean we can talk after you lay me down, cast a spell on me to make me sleep, and then you run off, never to be seen again? How can we talk then? How can we talk when you're running away from me like a dog with tail between it's legs?"

"That's not fair Gabriel." The Third Born said.

"Neither was you locking me up for years and having me tortured and raped for your amusement." The blonde bit back.

Raphael flinched and fell silent at that, knowing it was true, just like the rest of the accusations that had been said. Gabriel stood slowly only to drop back down panting. He rushed to his brother's side and summoned a soft chair and helped his brother into it, allowing it to recline to help him breath a bit better. Gabriel latched onto his wrist with a weak grip and the older didn't have it in him to shake his younger brother off; he'd never felt such a weak grip come from the blonde and it shook him to his core. Not even when Gabriel was Bound, injured, and half starved had his grip ever been that weak. After a few minutes of resting Gabriel's color began to come back and his breathing wasn't as labored sounding and it eased the Third Born's worries somewhat.

"How are you feeling now? Better?" Raphael asked. "Do you need anything? A drink? Some food? A warm blanket?"

"A cup of salted caramel tea would be nice." The blonde said softly. "And some almond cookies. They go so good together."

A small mahogany table appeared next to Gabriel's chair. On it was a silver tray with a fine china tea pot decorated with lilies, with two matching cups and saucers. There was also a matching sugar bowl and creamer and a rather large plate filled with almond cookies. Raphael was quick to pour a cup of tea for his younger brother, adding cream and, after checking with his brother, added three sugars. He passed his brother the saucer with the tea and two cookies on the side.

Gabriel let out a content sigh and took a big sip, and his brother watched as even more color began to return to his cheeks. Pleased that his little brother was taking care of himself he summoned a chair of his own and sat next to him, watching carefully as Gabriel ate and drank, ready to refill his plate and cup as needed. It wasn't until the younger had consumed several before Gabriel seemed to finally relax. Gabriel sat aside his tea and turned to look at Raphael.

"Now that I've been taken care of shall we begin?" Gabriel asked.

Raphael blinked. "Wouldn't you like to have a nap first? Maybe rest and regain your strength so that we can do this later?"

"Nice try. Even if I were to fall asleep my spell won't end. It's not cast using my Grace." Gabriel explained. "A lot happened after I left your tender care back in Egypt. Most of it being that the archangel Gabriel ceased to exist and I ending up becoming a Norse God where I birthed three wonderful sons that just recently gave their lives to ensure that I could properly protect myself and Sam."

Raphael felt confused by that whole statement. "Wait...what? I don't understand what you're talking about."

Gabriel sighed. "There's a lot that you don't know that happened after I was freed from you. My life was drastically changed."

"Will you tell me?" The Third Born asked hesitantly, unsure if his brother would be wiling to divulge such secrets to him.

The blonde was silent for the longest time, staring at his older brother before he nodded. "I answer your questions and you talk to me. Agreed?"

Raphael frowned and finally nodded, not too sure why he felt like he had just made a deal with Lucifer. "It sounds like a fair trade to me."

"Good. Then what do you want to know first?" Gabriel asked first.

"The two that rescued you. The Egyptian goddesses? They saved you and took you away. What happened after that?" The dark skinned archangel asked. "It was like you vanished off the face of the planet. I couldn't find you anywhere."

"I didn't know I was saved at first. It took a very long time before they were able to break me out of the 'slave mentality' that I had been stuck in." Gabriel admitted. "I kept trying to 'please' both of them. They finally let me, hoping that it would slowly break me from that mind set. Needless to say it started to work and after a little while my weight started coming back and my injuries finally started to heal. Three years of slow and careful coaxing and I was finally starting to show signs that I was healing. It was then that Odin was passing through. Bast and Sekhmet asked him for a meeting and explained what had happened. They were hoping that maybe his magic would help heal me better then theirs."

"What did Odin think?" Raphael asked, curious since the old god wasn't known to be the most charitable of the Norse gods even on the best of days.

Gabriel let out a chuckle. "Before or after I sucked his dick?"

The elder angel nearly choked on his tea. "What?"

"Yeah. My scrambled egg brains saw him as an older and dominant male so I submitted the only way I knew how. He walked in to see me and I crawled out of the corner and was in his pants before he could stop me. It was only then that he agreed. He used his pagan magics and turned me into a child." Gabriel said. "He was going to give me back to them to raise but he told me later that as he held me, sleeping peacefully in his arms, that he couldn't bring himself to give me back, so he took me home with him. There I was raised by him and his wife along side their firstborn son as I learned to be myself again. Took quite a while. I enjoyed myself though. I got to have a second childhood. How maybe people can say that?"

Raphael seemed eager to learn more about his little brother's life. "So that's where you learned your pagan magic? From Odin?"

Gabriel shook his head. "No. Magic was seen as a woman's skill. I learned it from Freya, the woman who became my mother. I craved having a mother and I still consider her as such. I wanted to learn all I could and finally I figured out how to use the magics they used instead of my Grace. I stayed with them until I reached my twenties, then wanderlust struck. I went out and made a name for myself as Loki. I even had a few more relationships along the way."

"Like the one with Kyran?" Raphael asked before he could stop himself. "I'm sorry. That was also uncalled for."

"Not really." The Trickster said. "The only reason you saw Kyran in my memories and not the others was because that was the only time I had someone step in on my behalf due to me being in an abusive relationship. I can only name two people who I've even been in a relationship with that haven't abused me in anyway."

"Lucifer and Sam." Raphael said without hesitation. "I know I was far too mean to you. I know Michael hit you as well. I can't help but wonder if my actions caused you to naturally seek out someone who would hurt you. The psychological effects of abuse, be they in one of the four main forms, can leave lasting damage and sometimes the victim will often fall back into that cycle of abuse."

"It took me this long to admit that you raped me." The blonde admitted. "Even then Sam had to hold me down and force the words out of my lips. I broke down afterwards. It felt good to finally admit it though. It was like a huge weight was lifted off my chest. I told Sam everything that you did to me. I kept nothing from him. Aside from you and me...he's the only one that knows."

Raphael blinked. "What about Dad?"

"What about him?" Gabriel asked, getting another cup of tea.

"Doesn't Dad know? I mean...They said that Dad was taking care of you after you came here. I thought that maybe you would have told him what I did." The Third Born said, looking down.

"I didn't tell him." Gabriel said softly. "I'm sure he knows though. I think he let me get what I needed to off my chest so that I'd be able to tell someone what happened. It wasn't the way that I planned for it to happen but it worked out just fine."

"How did it happen?" Raphael asked, fixing himself another cup as well.

"After Sam and I broke up because of Xaphanel I started taking Devil's Claw. Soon enough I was addicted. When they found me, everyone here helped me to get clean. When Michael and Lucifer started fighting Lucifer snapped at me and made some comments about me ruining my life. I was shaking and upset. I went into Sam's room where I had been staying and took some more. Sam caught me and we fought, we fucked, we slept, we woke up, fought again, talked, had sex again, then went to make breakfast at eight at night." Gabriel said casually.

Raphael broke into a fit of laughter. "Only you Gabriel."

The blonde blinked. "What did I do now?"

"Only you can make something so drastically life changing like that seem like it's no big deal." The Third Born said. "I never understood how you did it. Nothing ever seemed to bother you."

"It bothered me. I just always managed to find a way to hide it. My outlet was practical jokes and revenge. I tended to favor the karma mindset after sending a few years in India and banging Shiva." Gabriel said with a smirk. "After that I decided that's how I would get my kicks. Punish those that I found with their 'just desserts'. That's how I first found Sam and Dean. I was working as a janitor at a collage dishing out revenge. I had the old alligator in the sewer prank going, not to mention the whole room 666. I even threw in an alien abduction and anal probing bit. Worked like a charm. Then I sort of turned my attention on Sam and Dean. Flattened the tires on Dean's car, messed up Sam's laptop and had them pretty much at each other's throats. Reminded me a lot of being back home with you guys."

"You were...working as a janitor...at a collage?" Raphael asked in disbelief, not to sure what to do with all the information that he was just given. "Why does this just seem like another prank?"

The blonde laughed. "No! I'm being serious! I disguised myself as a human that way I could be closer to the action. You won't believe how rich I am. I've been saving money since I first landed here on Earth. I figured that even if I didn't really need it that it would be nice to have or could even come in handy some day. I used to use it to buy things that caught my attention. Mostly rare things like cars and even a few of the artifacts and tomes that we lost during the wars. After I started hanging out with Sam and Dean I started spending it on them since they actually needed it."

"Artifacts and tomes?" Raphael asked curiously. "Like what? I know we lost quite a bit but what did you find?"

"I may or may not have found the Holy Grail, the Ark of the Covenant, Zulfiqar, the Spear of Longinus, and a few other choice pieces that may or may not have supposedly existed." Gabriel said looking quite proud of himself. "Not to mention the Creation Tome and the Tome of Will. Can't exactly leave those lying around. I know where a few more are but they're safe. I promise."

"Maybe you should start from the beginning." Raphael said with a smile as he poured his younger brother another cup of tea and summoned more cookies. "And drop the barrier. I won't go anywhere. I swear it on my Grace."

"Okay so what happened was-"

Raphael couldn't help but smile as his little brother launched into his tale. The whole thing was made even better by the barrier dropping as Gabriel showed that he trusted him not to run off. Now he had to prove to Gabriel that he was going to be the big brother he used to be once more. Even if it took him till the end of time he was going to be there for Gabriel from now on.

SSSSS

"Where the fuck is he?!" Lucifer snapped.

"Calm down. He's not strong enough to go anywhere." Michael said, trying to placate his mate.

"We said that last time too and he ending up nearly dying because of a fucking demon." Lucifer said. "He could be anywhere by now!"

"Instead of panicking maybe we should try looking for him." The First Born suggested.

"Or you could just ask Sam and Chuck." Dean said, coming into the kitchen with Castiel. "Those two always know where Feathers is. Especially since he's still not feeling good."

"Last I knew Sam was helping Gabriel down to the basement." Castiel supplied as he watched his mate pour himself a cup of coffee. "Then Sam came back up alone."

Lucifer let out a loud curse and rushed from the room. He didn't care if Michael was following him or not. Fear clenched at his heart; the last thing he wanted was for Raphael to be alone with their recovering younger brother. He still did't trust the Third Born with Gabriel. He made it down to the basement in record time and skidded to a halt outside the door to Raphael's room. He rushed in and looked around, seeing a table with the remains of what looked like tea and cookies but his younger brothers weren't there.

With his panic growing worse, the Devil rushed back upstairs and down the hall. He was about to head back to the kitchen when he noticed Crowley coming from one of the halls. The demon gave him a smirk and little wave before heading towards the kitchen. Frowning Lucifer went down the hall the demon had just come from. Obviously he knew something even if his second in command wouldn't tell him what it was.

Reaching the end of the hall he was surprised to see both Sam and his Dad standing outside one of the rooms. Both were talking in hushed tones and smiling as they looked in on one of the rooms. Moving closer he was greeted with a smile and Sam stepped away from the door and to Chuck's side. The deity gave him a big smile and motion his second son closer and pointed inside the room that Lucifer's mind was registering as the room the Chuck had given to Raphael after the archangel had been reborn. Bracing himself, Lucifer moved forward and peered in, not sure what to expect.

"What the?" He asked softly at the sight that greeted him.

Raphael was laying on the bed, his large bronze wings out. The Third Born seemed completely relaxed, his face covered in a big smile. The reason for the smile was curled up against the archangel's chest and sleeping peacefully. Gabriel had his face pressed into Raphael's large bronze wings and his fingers were also buried deep in those soft feathers. Raphael was apparently making sure the the youngest archangel was both safe and warm before not only were his arms wrapped around his little brother, but so were those large wings.

Lucifer turned to Sam and Chuck. "I don't understand."

"Gabe finally caught up to Raphael." Sam said with a smile. "They started talking this morning. Raphael made sure the Gabe ate and once he got tired, Raph brought him up here to rest since it was nicer then the basement."

"Dad?" Lucifer asked uncertainly.

"They managed to work things out Lucifer." Chuck promised. "When Raphael realized that Gabriel needed rest he called me and I moved them both up here and to make sure that Gabriel could be properly cared for."

"So then Gabby forgave him? Just like that?" The blonde asked in disbelief.

"No Lucifer. Not 'just like that'. They've been talking, crying and laughing all day." The hunter said. "It's not like they magically fixed everything. They just got the ball rolling today. It's a start. He's getting better. If you want Gabriel to be back to his old self then this has to happen."

"But what if-"

"Lucifer." Chuck said. "Let Gabriel make his own choices. You can't protect him. He's grown up now. You'll always be his big brother but he's also his own angel."

Lucifer looked back into the room where his younger brothers were bother curled up and sleeping peacefully. Maybe it was time for him to grow up as well. Raphael and Gabriel didn't need a protector; they needed a big brother. With a smile he snapped and the two were covered in a blanket. Turning away he began to head back to the kitchen. It was time to introduce Raphael to some human foods.


	16. Temper, Temper

**Chapter 16: Temper, Temper**

"Excuse me?!"

"You heard me." Gabriel said, finishing off his bowl of chili before staring on the rest of his food.

"After everything he did to you and you want to let him live?!" Lucifer asked, nearly throwing the pot down on the stove.

"I don't see how it's any of your business." The youngest archangel retorted darkly, glaring at his once lover.

"Lucifer if you let Gabriel explain then I'm sure-"

The Devil's burning blue eyes landed on his mate. "Are you serious Michael? Don't tell me that you're taking his side!"

Michael seemed taken back by the sudden anger being directed at him. "No! I just think that you should let Gabby explain before you decide to jump to conclusions."

"I am not jumping to conclusions!" Lucifer snapped.

"Actually you kinda are mate." Crowley said, looking up from his tea.

"Not another word Crowley!" The blonde snapped, his blue gaze turning to the demon.

Crowley turned to look at the youngest archangel. "Sorry. Looks like you're own your own for this one. I know that this is a battle that I can't win. Best of luck."

"I know how to fight my own battles but thank you for supporting me." Gabriel said. "I honestly didn't expect it."

"Damn it Gabriel!" Lucifer yelled. "Stop playing around! This is serious!"

"What would you have me say Lucifer?" Gabriel asked, glaring up at him.

"I want a reason for this madness!" Lucifer demanded.

"I have my reasons. None of which are your business." The youngest said turning back to his food. "This is between Raphael, Xaphanel, and myself."

Lucifer blazing eyes turned to his immediate younger brother, who cringed. "Raphael! Did you put him up to this?!"

"No! Gabriel said he wanted to talk to me about it but I didn't say anything. He said it was his choice and I'm going to respect that."

"Respect it?! You created that monster! It almost killed him multiple times! How can you even think about letting him near that monster again?!" Lucifer screamed.

Raphael cringed and suddenly there was a golden wing blocking the Third Born from the blonde archangel's sight. Raphael, recognizing the action for what it was, beat a hasty retreat and fled for the safety of hiding behind their father. Lucifer's blue eyes turned to his younger brother once more. Gabriel was glaring at him, his gold eyes blazing and there were hints of blue beginning to show; his Grace was flaring up and in the Fourth Born's still weakened state that was not a good thing.

"Gabby I-"

"I have had enough Lucifer!" The smaller blonde snapped. "I am not a fledgling! I am old enough to take care of myself. Not only that but I have been taking care of myself far longer then I should have been! I was mostly alone growing up despite the fact that as my older brother it was your responsibility to see that I was taken care of! Instead you guys left me alone more often then not because I was the youngest! How was that fair?!"

"Gabriel we didn't-"

"Shove it Michael!" Gabriel snapped. "I wasn't old enough to be left alone! I was too young! I was your responsibility! One that you ignored! That is if I was lucky! Most of the time you'd just dump off where ever you thought would keep me entertained! I came to loathe Madagascar and their monkies because you'd dump me there every chance you could get! You made me feel like I was nothing more then a burden to the three of you! How was that right?!"

"Gabriel you were never a burden!"

"You made me feel like it!"

"It was never our intent! You were just so young that we were terrified you'd get hurt!"

"I had the same training as you! You should know! You trained me Michael!"

"Gabriel you are our baby brother and-"

"As such I should never have felt like I was in the way! I hated the fact that you never let me try to be myself!"

Michael stepped back, shocked at the anger coming from his younger brother. Clearly there were things that Gabriel still needed to get off his back. One of those appeared to be their treatment of him. If Gabriel wasn't so upset then they might be able to to work things out by at this point the youngest archangel was too upset to be rational.

"Gabriel-"

Gabriel suddenly snarled and flipped his plate, the remains of his food covering Michael. He stood and turned and left, leaving behind a very shocked audience. Sam rushed out after his mate, intent on finding out why he was so upset and calming him before he managed to hurt himself. Crowley seemed more entertained then anything while the elder archangels were in shock. Castiel seemed confused while Dean was struggling to hold in his laughter at the sight of the First Born covered in mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, and bits of cube steak. Chuck however seemed more pensive about the matter.

"What just happened?" Michael sputtered.

"Feathers let you have it." Dean said between chuckles. "Can't say I blame him either. It's about time he let some of that rage out."

"Rage?" The First Born echoed. "Gabriel has never had a temper."

"Like hell he doesn't." Dean replied. "I should know. I managed to get it going when he had us trapped in tv land."

"Gabriel has never showed a temper to any of us before." Lucifer said. "Not even when we were dating before my Fall."

"I can't remember him having one either." Raphael confirmed. "He may have been a bit of a cry baby but never angry. I don't think I even heard a hateful word fall from his lips."

"I think that proves his point then." The hunter said. "You just proved that you still don't know him, even after all the shit that's happened. Gabriel is still a stranger to you even though he's your baby brother."

Michael glared, looking less intimidating then normal since he was covered in various foods. "How can you say that?!"

"How can you just stand there and deny what you just saw happen?!" Dean snapped back at the eldest archangel. "Feathers just showed you how pissed off he can get and you are standing here denying it! Chuck I need a favor. I want to show your sons something."

Chuck came over. "What do you need?"

"I want to show them a memory. One of Gabriel and his temper." Dean said.

The deity held out both hands, palms up, to the human. "Just think about the memory and it'll appear so everyone can see it okay?"

Dean reached out and placed his hands over Chuck's and suddenly they were standing into front of a studio audience. Sam was standing next to a table staring at Gabriel. Dean was right next to the archangel, staring at him with a knowing look. The hunter knew something and he was making sure to confront the blonde about it.

_"Heaven or Hell? Which side are you on?" Dean asked._

_Gabriel gave a slight pause but his expression didn't change. "I'm not on either side."_

_The look on Dean's face was one of smug disbelief. "Yeah right. You're grabbing ankle for either Michael or Lucifer. Which one is it?"_

_There was a gleam of anger that appeared in Gabriel's gold eyes and his voice grew tight as he strode forward. "Listen to me you arrogant dick, I don't work for either of those S.O.B.'s. Believe me."_

_Dean made an amused noise; he had gotten under the blonde's skin and he knew it. "Oh you're somebody's bitch."_

_Gabriel's face morphed into a snarl. His hands were fisted into Dean's shirt and he swung the hunter around and slammed him hard into the door. The look in his eyes was dark and when he spoke his voice was low and full of anger._

_"Don't you ever-Ever!-presume to know what I am." Came the fury laden voice as he glared at the hunter in his grip. On that note Gabriel turned to glare at Sam, one hand releasing Dean but still keeping the hunter easily pinned, making him let out small noises of pain and discomfort. "Now listen very closely, here's what going to happen: You're going to suck it up, accept your responsibilities, and plays the roles that destiny has chosen for you." The archangel growled out._

_"And if we don't?" Sam asked tightly, the worry for his brother clear._

_The smile was back and just like that it seemed like the anger was gone. "Then you'll stay here in tv land...forever. Three hundred channels and uh...nothing's on." He said with a snap._

Dean pulled back and glared at the archangels. "How's that for a temper?"

The three archangel were in shock. It was easy to see that they never knew about Gabriel's temper. Michael seemed upset that he never knew while Lucifer was still in a state of disbelief. Raphael seemed like he was contemplating what to do with this new information. Castiel seemed proud of his mate for standing up for his favorite brother, as did Chuck. Dean shook his head at the archangels.

"I know that you guys think you know best but take it from personal experience..." Dean said. "The hardest thing about having a younger brother is knowing there will come a time where you will have to step away and let him stand on his own. It took me a long time before I was ready to let Sam do that. Even after he came back and started hunting with me again I fell right back into being the protective older brother. He called me out on it to just like Gabriel is doing with you. The issue is that you are still refusing to let him go. After all this time you are still treating him the same."

Michael looked up. "We are not."

"Yes you are." Dean stated.

"You can't be serious Dean. We've been treating him better since we've found him." Lucifer said, disbelief coloring his voice.

"You've been treating him better but you are still treating him with kid gloves." The hunter pointed out. "You're questioning every move he makes."

"Gabby is our baby brother." Raphael said. "He needs our protection."

"Not from where I'm standing." Dean said with a glare. "Right now all you three are doing is pushing him away. Gabriel is old enough to make his own choices and to know what he wants. You questioning him is making him mad. If you want to be good brothers then the best thing you can do is to support Gabriel's decisions even if you don't agree with them. Just support him and be there to catch him once he falls. Do you understand?"

The three looked at each other and Dean made a pissed off noise. "No wonder why Gabriel gets so pissed off with you three! You're so dense that I'm surprised that you idiots can even fly!" The hunter snapped before walking out with his mate hot on his heals.

There was silence for a few moments before Chuck began to laugh. "Dean is right. He just said it before I did. You three need to learn to respect Gabriel's choices. He is old enough to know what he wants to do. If you don't want Gabriel start hating you again then I suggest getting yourselves together so that you don't lose him again."

"How?" Michael asked.

"Simple." Chuck said. "Stop treating your brother like glass and start treating him like he's your equal. I think he's more then proven that he can be there to stand with you no matter what challenges comes your way. After all...Could you have survived the hell that he has lived through for so long without breaking down or wanting to take your own life?"

Silence answered the deity's question and Chuck let out a sigh.

"I didn't think so." God said. "Maybe it's time you stop seeing Gabriel as your younger brother and start seeing him for the archangel he is."

SSSSS

Gabriel growled and Sam rubbed gently at his back, trying to keep his husband from expending anymore Grace then he already had. "I can't believe them! How dare they!"

"I know Gabe. Believe me. I understand." Sam said.

"No you don't!" The archangel snapped, trying to pull away.

Sam grabbed the blonde and pulled him close, wrapping his arms tight around him. "Yes I do Gabe. I'm a younger brother too in case you forgot. I know exactly what it's like. I have Dean for an older brother and sometimes he gets just like Michael and Lucifer."

Gabriel began to relax in Sam's embrace, melting against his hunter. "I'm sorry Sam. You're right. I'm also sorry for yelling at you."

"You needed to snap." The hunter said with a smile. "I'm just glad that I can help."

There was silence for several long minutes before Gabriel let out a heavy sigh. "Do you think I'm being stupid Sam?"

"No I don't." Sam said. "You need to do this to move on."

"Thank you." The angel said. "I'm glad that at least someone understand."

"You need to face your demons. Or should I say demon?" Sam said with a light tone. "Although for most people their demons don't have a physical form that's being kept chained up in Hell. I have to admit that I'm a little nervous about it too."

"You're nervous?" Gabriel asked in disbelief. "I'm terrified. I really don't want to do this but I don't have a choice."

"You do have a choice Gabe and I think you're making the right one." The hunter said kissing him gently.

The blonde let out a snort. "Glad you think so. Lucifer seemed to be pissed about the idea. I didn't even get to finish telling him the other part."

"To be fair Xaphanel did torture, feed from him, and seal him away in Hell. Not to mention he took away Razael's feather and then kidnaped the both of us and almost killed you. Lucifer has plenty of reasons to hate him." Sam pointed out.

Gabriel sighed. "Xaphanel has done a lot worse to me. You'd think Lucifer would remember that. Or maybe he's just purposely ignoring it in hopes of pretending that it never happened."

Sam pulled Gabriel over to the bed. The human carefully stripped the archangel out of his shirt before taking off his own shirt. That done Sam laid down on the bed and pulled Gabriel down on top of him. Gabriel made a happy noise and his wings appeared, laying over them like a huge golden feather blanket. One of Sam's hands slid into those blonde locks while the other hand stroked the sensitive skin right between the angel's wings where his scar was.

"There. Now while I am sure that Lucifer would rather forget what happened to you I'm fairly certain that it's not what he's doing." Sam said.

The Trickster was letting out a soft purring noise at the touches. "Then what is he doing? Because right now he's agitating me."

Sam chuckled. "Lucifer doesn't want to forget. It hurts him that he knows how you suffered and that he wasn't able to do something to stop it. He's your older brother and he feels like it's his responsibility to protect you. Knowing what he does and knowing that there was nothing he could have done to save you probably hurts him. What's happening now is nothing more then him trying to make up for his failures. He knows that this could possibly hurt you again so he's trying to stop it before it happens. That's all."

"Does he have to go about it while being a dick bag?" Gabriel asked, his voice somewhat muffled by Sam's chest.

The hunter laughed. "Aren't you the one who said that he was a great big bag of dicks?"

"True. I just didn't expect him to keep being one after he got with Michael." The blonde admitted. "I was hoping he would lose some of that dickiness."

"Is that even a word?"

"It is now."

Sam laughed again and kissed the top of his husband's head. "Feel better now?"

Gabriel let out a content sigh and nodded. "Yeah. I'm calmer now. Thank you. You always did know my weak spots."

"That's a good thing then." The brunette said. "It just means that I have an archangel under my control that does what I say."

"Bullshit." Gabriel snapped.

Sam laughed and rubbed at the angel's back and scalp. "I want an edible fruit bouquet. Make it two dozen chocolate covered strawberries."

There was a quite snap and vase appeared with said fruit making the hunter laugh.

"I think I just proved my point." Sam said.

"Well fuck." Gabriel said with a whine. "Figures. A Winchester with an archangel at his command. What is this world coming to?"

"It's being made into a better place." Sam said. "So when are you going to do this?"

"Next week." Gabriel said. "By then my Grace and body should be fully healed. If I'm going to face Xaphanel again then I want to be at my best."

"Are you sure you don't want me in there with you?" Sam asked.

"I'm sure Sammich. You can watch though. It'll make me feel better knowing that you're close by." Gabriel confirmed. "Crowley said that the room has a wall with a one-way glass all along it. And it's warded so Xaphanel won't be able to sense anyone watching."

Sam frowned. "What about our bond?"

"It won't interfere. I promise." Gabriel said grabbing a strawberry. "Now...I have to ask Sam. What did you have in mind for these?"

The hunter grinned and suddenly Gabriel found himself under his husband. "Oh I can think of quite a few things I can use those for." He said popping the button on both their jeans. "How about for now I spoil you?"

Gabriel let out a whimper. "Please by all means...spoil away."


	17. Facing Your Demon

**Chapter 17: Facing Your Demon**

"You're absolutely sure about this?" Crowley asked. "Because last couple of times you decided to play tango with this thing it left you worse for wear."

Gabriel nodded. "I'm positive Crowley. I have to do this if I want to move past it."

The demon nodded. "I think you're nuts but to each his own. You want to see him then that's on your head. He's this way."

Crowley led the hunter and archangel through a set of double doors and down a long hallway.

"It took a while but we finally managed to find a way to keep him contained." Crowley said. "He won't get out unless someone lets him out."

"That's good." Gabriel said. "Warding or some kind I take it?"

"Actually you should thank those friends of yours." The Scotsman said. "All those gods and goddesses that you made nice with decided that they didn't want to see you suffer from something like that again. Instead they each put a ward on the cell and then another and another until there was at least fifty or sixty on there. not to mention what your brothers put on there."

"That's impressive." Gabriel acknowledged. "And they made you the primary spell holder right?"

"Indeed they did and-Do keep up Moose. I don't really feel like sending someone to look for you because you stopped to ogle my zoo down here." Crowley said, pausing to give Sam a chance to catch up.

Sam caught up looking a bit upset. "There was a hunter back there. One my Dad used to hunt with. I never thought he would end up here. My dad used to hunt with him all the time or he'd watch Dean and me when Dad had to go out. Then one day he just vanished without a word to any of us."

Crowley paused and thought for a moment before deciding that it couldn't hurt for the hunter to know the truth. "He didn't vanish. Your dad killed him. For trying to touch you and for touching Dean. Your dad walked in and found him doing naughty things to your brother and threatening to do them to you too, so he took him out back and gave him a dog's death. Pedophile that one. Now moving on. I hope you both realize that this dangerous."

Sam paused and looked back at the cell but then shrugged it off; there was nothing he could do about it now. "How is it dangerous? Xaphanel is in chains right?"

"The worst kind of an animal is a cornered one Sam because they have nothing to lose." Gabriel said, taking his husband's hand and holding it. "Xaphanel has nothing left to lose. He can't touch me anymore and Raphael has his leash once more. I'm safe."

"Still dangerous." Crowley said coming to a stop in front of a large room.

In front of them was a large room that had two levels and was surrounding by six powerful demon guards and four large hounds. On the first level was pretty much a living area with a kitchen type area and a large fireplace. It put Sam in mind of the hovel that Xaphanel had first kept them in when they were captured. The second floor was nothing more then a small ledge that housed what looking like a large nest made from scraps of clothe. The demon was pacing the floor in agitation, chasing the rats that were scurrying around. A heavy chain was attached to the demon's leg, keeping him from going too far.

"Well? What do you think?" Crowley asked looking quite impressed with himself.

Gabriel nodded. "Perfect. Thank you for doing this for me Crowley."

"You're really going in there then?" The demon asked skeptically.

Gabriel turned to Sam and pulled out both his archangel and angel blade and passed them to his hunter. With a smile he summoned his sword and handed it to a shocked Crowley. That done he stepped forward and one of the demons came forward and began patting down Gabriel. The demon nodded when he didn't find anything and Gabriel even let his wings out to be checked and with a nod the demon turned to Crowley.

"He's clean."

Crowley nodded. "Okay Mouse. You can go in. We can see everything but if trouble starts I want you to tap the glass twice and my demons will come in and get you out of there safely and the hounds will protect you."

"Thanks but I won't need them." Gabriel said. "He won't hurt me. I'm sure of it."

"Glad you're so confident." Came Lucifer's voice from behind them.

The three turned to find that the other three archangels, along with Dean, Castiel, and Chuck, had shown up to watch. Lucifer was frowning and looked very agitated while Michael seemed to be doing his best to keep the Devil calm. Raphael was staring at his creation with shame. Dean was holding Castiel's hand tightly as the angel seemed upset at the very sight of the demon. Chuck rushed over and gave his youngest archangel a hug.

"Dad...you came." Gabriel said softly.

"I told you that I was going to support you as best I could." Chuck said pulling back. "We're here now. Do what you need to."

Gabriel nodded and took a deep breath. He nodded to the guard and the demon opened the door. Gabriel carefully made his way in and the glass shut behind him. Xaphanel paused, the rat in his hand struggling before the demon dropped it. His sightless gaze followed Gabriel as the archangel made his way further into the room.

{Jibril.} The demon said softly.

"Xaphanel." Gabriel retorted.

Silence fell between the two as they stared at each other. Both were tense and nearly vibrating. Outside the room the tension was just as thick. It was making everyone uncomfortable. Even the hell hounds were getting agitated by the growing tension.

"What's happening?" Dean asked.

"They are sizing each other up." Michael said. "Trying to figure out what the other wants."

"Is that normal?" Sam asked.

"Very normal. It's how we are able to pick out weak points." Lucifer said.

"So then why are they doing it? They aren't going to fight." Dean said.

Raphael shook his head. "Not a physical one. A verbal one. One that Gabriel is very skilled at."

"Then maybe they should get to it. This is killing me." Dean snapped.

Castiel shook his head. "Gabriel has to go at his own pace. He's a tactician. He's waiting for Xpahanel to make the first move."

"Smart little mouse." Crowley said.

"Look." Chuck said, calling their attention back to the room.

Xaphanel flicked his tail. {Why are you here Jibril? Have you come to gloat over your victory?}

Gabriel shook his head. "I don't care much for gloating."

{Then what do you want?} The demon snapped.

"I'm not sure." Gabriel answered honestly. "All I know is that I wanted to see you and I wanted to have a chance for us to talk face to face with no interference."

{To talk?} The demon asked. {What is there for us to talk about? Words were never needed between the two of us. All that was needed was each of us fulfilling our roles. Both of which we succeeded at very well. I was terrifying and you were fearful. It was perfect.}

"You sound like me." Gabriel said with a chuckle. "I said the same thing to my mate and his brother once about playing our roles."

{Nostalgia? I didn't expect that from you Jibril.} Xaphanel admitted.

"Considering that we never really spoke how could you?" Gabriel asked. "The only time we had to ourselves was usually spent with you making me scream."

{Why did we need words? I was made to bring you pain and you were there to suffer.} The demon said moving closer. {The only words that were needed between us were your screams of pain and my cries of pleasure.}

Gabriel nodded. "That may be true but that's because you only know what you were told about me. Isn't that right?"

The had the demon giving pause. {What do you mean?}

"Raphael told you that I was a whore. Did you know that before you and him raped me that I had only been with one person?" Gabriel asked softly. "Lucifer was the only person I slept with before the two of you had me."

{That...That can't be true! My Master wouldn't lie to me about that!} Xaphanel snapped, his tail lashing wildly. {You slept with anyone who was willing! He told me so!}

"I have only willingly slept with four people when I was of sound mind. Lucifer, Kylan, Kali, and Sam." Gabriel stated. "Four people who I was willing to give my body to. With anyone else it was either rape or I was drugged out of my mind."

Xaphanel charged at the archangel but Gabriel held his ground, not even flinching when the chain pulled tight stopping the demon short, just out of reaching distance. {You are a lying little whore!}

"I have never lied to you about anything." Gabriel stated, staring at him. "No matter what questions you asked me I never lied to you. Look at me and tell me now that I am lying to you about this."

The demon stared at Gabriel hard, his nostrils flaring for a moment before letting out a snort. {You're telling me the truth. Why? Why are you telling me this now?}

The blonde let out a humorless chuckle. "Tell me...would have honestly believed me back then if I had told you this? That I had only been with Lucifer? That I wasn't used to doing such degrading things? That I was, up until that point, used to nothing more then plain sex? I had never used a toy or been tied up before then. I never had a painful encounter until my brother tied me up and forced himself on me. Knowing this would you have believed me?"

The demon was silent for several long minutes before sitting back on his haunches, his tail twitching slightly. {You...are right. I would not have believed you in the least. Raphael made you out to be a very sexual being that loved everything that came with it. The pain and the pleasure. It did not cross my mind to think otherwise until the night I found out that you could feel pleasure.}

"How do you feel now that you know the truth?" Gabriel asked curiously.

{I feel the same as before.} The demon replied. {Nothing bring me more pleasure then having you trapped with me. Just as you are now.}

Those gold eyes flashed. "What makes you think that I am trapped here with you? You certainly don't think I came here alone did you? I'm not stupid. I have guards and hell hounds watching and waiting just in case."

{You think that will make a difference?} Xpahanel asked. {Do you think I care that you have others with you? I will gut them all if it means that I get one more chance to have you.}

Gabriel was silent, watching the demon for several long moments before letting out a sigh. "I had hoped that we might be able to talk and hopefully come to an arrangement. A peaceful one. One the doesn't end with me being chained to a bed for you to ravage and feed from whenever you get the munchies. Do you think that's possible?"

Xaphanel fell quiet at that, turning away to gaze at the roaring fire.

Outside Lucifer growled. "Is he fucking serious?"

"Relax Luc." Michael said. "Gabriel is trying to make sure he's safe. If making a deal keeps that demon from hurting him again then I think he should do it."

Dean frowned. "I don't like this at all. Something seems off."

Castiel turned to Raphael. "If Gabriel does manage to make a deal with Xaphanel, how likely is it that the demon will keep his word?"

"Honestly? I have no idea." Raphael admitted. "I could probably order him to do it but I don't know how well he'll listen to me since I put him in his place while saving Gabby and Sam."

Sam was silent, watching through the glass and holding tightly onto Chuck's hand, drawing strength from the deity.

"I'm waiting Xaphanel." Gabriel said. "Do you think we can have a peace between us?"

The demon turned back to Gabriel. {What makes you think I want there to be peace? I was created to bring you pain. Now you stand here, while I am chained up and caged like some wild animal, and have the gall to ask me to defy my very existence? To deny the very reason for my creation? It's no wonder my Master hated you. You are such a naive and deluded idiot aren't you?}

Gabriel glared. "I'm still waiting on my answer. Can there be peace between us? If not then tell me and stop wasting both of our time. I am not here to play games with you. I have better and more important things to do then to cater to the whims of a want-to-be demon."

{What did you just call me?} The purple demon asked, his whole body going stiff and looking like he was about to pounce.

"You aren't a real demon. You were made from the Grace of an archangel." Gabriel said. "Angels see you appearance as that of a demon and will never accept you. Demons can feel the Grace inside you and will never accept you. You are an outcast among both races."

{Meaning?} Came the icy tone.

Gabriel sighed. "I am offering you my friendship. I am willing to accept you as you are so you won't be an outcast. That's my offer of peace. What do you say?"

{I don't have or need friends!} Xaphanel snapped, his tail flicking.

"What about Castiel?"

That made the demon pause. {What of him?}

"He's your friend isn't he?" Gabriel asked. "You saved him and protected him. You had an entire week to rape and feed from him but instead you never harmed him."

{Castiel is different. He's not like you.} Xaphanel snapped, his tail flicking once more.

"He's no different then me." Gabriel said. "What makes Castiel so special?"

Xaphanel let out a sudden roar and his tail whipped around. It caught Gabriel around the waist and pulled him within the demon's reach. The guards went to open the door but a gold flash lit up the outside of the room; Gabriel had sealed them out. Inside Xaphanel was crouching over the archangel but Gabriel as showing him no fear.

{Casitel is special because he doesn't look at me like everyone else does!} The demon snapped, black saliva dripping from his fangs to hit the ground making it sizzle but luckily none of it hit Gabriel. {Castiel doesn't look at me with pity, hate, disgust, or shame! He treats me like a normal being! He's the only one who has ever done that! Even you look at me with that same look in your eyes! The same hate that everyone gives me!}

Gabriel stayed calm. "I only hated you because of what you were doing to me. You were starving, torturing, and raping me. Is it any wonder why I hated you?"

{You'd hate me even if I wasn't doing all of that to you.} Xaphanel said, glaring down at the calm angel. {You're just like every other angel out there!}

Gabriel was silent for several before he sighed. "Do you know why Castiel is the way he is? It's because I raised him before I ran from Heaven. Castiel took the place on my son Razael. I raised him just as I did Razael. I raised him to love and care for all. I raised him to be tolerant of everyone. I am the reason why Castiel doesn't treat you like everyone else."

The demon let out another roar and picked Gabriel up and slammed him hard into the wall. {Enough of your lies! I grow tired of them Jibril!}

Gabriel let out a cry of pain but made no move to defend himself. "I'm not lying to you! I never have and I never will! I can prove to you that I'm telling the truth if you let me! Look into my memories! You'll see Castiel there!"

Xaphanel let out a snarl and one hand came up and pressed against Gabriel's brow. The blonde let out a scream of pain that shook the glass. Outside Lucifer was in a panic. He couldn't break the spell that Gabriel had cast and it was taking longer then he liked to figure it out. Michael was pacing angrily, his blades held tight, ready to go in and gut the demon the first chance he could get. Sam hadn't moved; he knew this was going to happen, Gabriel had told him as much. He trusted that his husband knew what he was doing.

Xaphanel dug deep into Gabriel's mind, digging through what he needed to find. The memory rose up quickly meaning that the archangel was actually allowing him to search through his memories. What he found shocked him. Gabriel was telling him the truth. He sunk deeper into the memory and allowed it to play.

_Gabriel walked along the beach, keeping Castiel close. The young angel was asking his older brother questions. Gabriel laughed and answered each question carefully, making sure to explain it. Suddenly Castiel paused and stared down at this fish that was in the water. Gabriel suddenly hugged picked Castiel up and held his close as they looked at the fish together._

_"Don't step on that fish Castiel. Big plans for that fish." Gabriel said, making Castiel hug him tight and nod._

Xaphanel pulled back, slowly easing Gabriel down to the floor, a broken sob leaving him. Gabriel had been telling him the truth. Castiel had been raised by Gabriel. Gabriel was the reason why Castiel didn't hate him. After all he did to the angel and it was Gabriel he had to thank for Castiel being his only friend. Xaphanel hit the ground and slowly began wail. His life was over. Everything had been a lie. Everything he knew.

A pair of warm arms and warm wings wrapped around him and it was all he could do not to break down. He clung to the fabric under his claws, feeling it tear and shred but there was no protest. Instead he was rewarded with gently touches that so far only Castiel had ever given to him. He didn't know until now how much he needed those touches. He felt the warmth of Gabriel's Grace surround him and he clung even tighter to the angel.

"Xaphanel...I know you need time but I am going to ask you one more time..." Gabriel said softly. "Do you think that there can be peace between us? I don't want to have to fight with you any more. What do you say? Do you want another friend?"

The demon nodded. "Please...I want...peace..."

Gabriel couldn't help but smile as he looked up at his family, who was now standing just into the cell with him. "Looks like I managed to handle my problems on my on after all."


	18. Reunion

**Chapter 18: Reunion**

Raphael made his way towards the bunker, trying to fight back his need for sleep. It had been a long six months but Xaphanel was finally adjusting well to his new role. Gabriel and Crowley has set the demon up with a place in hell to call his own with plenty of souls to feed on and the occasional angel who they weren't able to redeem. The demon was finally beginning to think and act on his own, something that Raphael was grateful for since he was getting tired of running back and forth between Hell and the bunker every time his child had a question.

The sudden appearance of a familiar Grace made the Third Born pause. He repressed his Grace as low as it could go and ducked out of sight. He wasn't sure why Monons was here at the bunker unless he had been called but he highly doubted that someone had sent for him. The only person that had the strange angel's number was their father. He watched from the shadows as Monons stood before the door, staring at it. At least that's what it looked like, the angel was wearing his normal hooded cloak.

The angel stood still, his whole body shaking. Raphael watched as he walked over and put his hand on the door. What was Monons doing? Why was he touching the door? What was going on? There was another surge of Grace and Oiveae appeared. She walked over and wrapped her arms around him.

"Ol Monons...I know this is hard but you can't keep doing this." She said softly.

Monons growled and punched the brick wall. "You can't understand how I feel! It's been years! I can't keep doing this! I'm tired of hiding! I'm tired of the lies!"

"You know why we have to do this. Grandfather says he'll let us know when the time is right." Oiveae said softly trying to calm her mate.

"Grandfather always says that! He's been telling me that for thousands of years!" Monons shouted. "They deserve to know the truth!"

"And they will." She said, trying to calm him once more.

"This isn't fair! They are both right in there. Do you know how often I've gotten to see the both of them? I can count the number of times on one hand. I just...I want us to be a family again. I want us to be happy. I want to show them that I've made a life for myself. I want...I want to show them that I've become someone that they can be proud of." Monons said, the anger leaving him like the air being let out of a balloon.

Oiveae hugged him close. "My dearest love I have no doubt in my mind that if they saw the man that you have become, they would be just as proud of you as I am."

Monons let out a sob and hugged the young woman close. "This isn't fair. They're so close to us. They are just on the other side of those walls but they might as well be millions of miles away! Why can't we see them?!"

Ovieae helped lower her mate to the ground as his knees gave out and he began to sob brokenly. "One day here very soon we'll be able to see them and tell them everything. I promise. It will be just like we never left them. We'll be able to tell them everything."

"How many more times do I have to go through this?" Monons cried out. "How many more times do I have to lose them before I get to keep them? It's not fair that I only get stolen moments every now and then. We've missed so much of each others lives. They know nothing. They don't even know I'm here. They just see me as some stranger that Grandfather brought in to help and to claim the Lexicon."

"I'm sure they don't see you like that." Ovieae said. "They probably see you as a hero for saving Gabriel and for bringing Raphael back."

There was another sob from Monons. "I hate the fact they they will never know. They'll never know I exist."

"Please you can't give up hope." Oiveae begged. "We will talk to Grandfather tonight okay? Or at least I can. Maybe I can even call Gabriel okay? You can hear him."

"It's not enough. It will never be enough. I can't...I can't go on like this. Sometimes...sometimes I wish I had died that day. Dying wasn't as painful as this is. I can't keep this up. I...I'm scared that I'm going to end up Disconnecting like he did. I don't know if I'm strong enough to come back from something like that."

Ovieae suddenly gripped Monons tight and pulled him into a kiss. "No! You can't think like that! I won't let you. I am not losing you. Not now, not ever. You will always have me. No matter what happens you will always have me. If we have to we will defy Grandfather and go to them anyway. Now let's get you home. You need to rest and look, you're still hurt. Let me heal you and and ease your worries like I always do."

Monons nodded and suddenly they were both gone. Raphael blinked and slowly crept from his hiding place. He walked over to where the two had been. He blinked, surprised to find two feathers sitting there. One was a beautiful blue and the other was purple and tipped in white. Just as he reached for them they both burst into flame together leaving behind a single burnt impression of a feather.

Raphael blinked in shock. Feathers burning together in sync was rare. The two must have been true mates for their feathers to burst into flame as one. Shaking his head he rushed inside, heading for the bunker he realized that he was no longer tired as he once was. He had to talk to Gabriel.

SSSSS

"Gabriel?" Sam asked, growing concerned at the blank look on his husband's face.

"I'm okay. I guess I knew that this question would pop up sooner or later. I just didn't think it would be so soon." The archangel admitted.

"So the young woman we saw in your memories...Who is she?" Raphael asked. "Other then someone who is important to you?"

Gabriel sighed and pushed his cake away. "Years ago I found a small girl, a half angel child. She was wounded and wandering around in the woods half dressed and in tears. I found her and healed her. After figuring out what was going on I went back to her home and found it destroyed. Knowing that I couldn't let a half angel be raised by humans I decided to raise her myself."

Lucifer frowned. "So you adopted a daughter?"

"Yes he did." Sam said. "He told me. I'm fine with it."

"So this daughter is the girl we saw helping you after the hotel?" Dean asked curiously.

"Yes." Gabriel confirmed. "I raised her as my own until she came of age. I left her with a small group of people that were helping her hone her healing skills while I rejoined the battle here. She's been there ever since."

"What about her parents?" Michael asked. "The human and angel that gave her life?"

"I only found her mother. There was a grave. I assume her father, the angel, came back and thought them both dead." Gabriel said.

Across the table Castiel looked as though he was going to be sick. He was shaking and going pale. Dean was holding tightly to his hand, knowing that it was bringing up bad memories for his mate. It was all he could do not to yell at the archangel to make him stop so he could protect his mate.

"So you never found out who her father was?" Raphael asked in disappointment.

"I didn't say that." The blonde said. "I had to wait until she was old enough to ask her permission to do the proper test to find out who her father was. We did it and found out who her father was. After that I knew it would take some time for me to be able to find him without letting Heaven know I was alive. Needless to say even after I found him I wasn't able to tell him."

"Why not?" Michael asked.

"Because I fucked up Mikey. I made myself into a bad guy in his eyes. But you know what? I have a chance to make it right." Gabriel said. "Starting now."

"You know how to get in touch with her father?" Lucifer asked. "Can you do it right now?"

Gabriel sighed. "I can. The problem is that I could possibly make her father hate me for keeping this a secret for so long."

"This isn't something that we should wait on Gabriel." Michael snapped. "Are you going to tell us how to reunite this girl with her father? Don't you think that they deserve that? Knowing that each other is alive?"

Gabriel looked up at his eldest brother and his eyes flashed blue with his Grace. "You, more then anyone Michael, should know that I would never willingly take or keep a child from it's parents. Not after what I went through with my son. However I would think that you would at least like to know the name of my adopted daughter."

Michael flinched and hung his head, knowing that he was the reason that both Gabriel and Lucifer no longer had a child. "What...What's her name? That way I can go get her father?"

"There's no need for that." Gabriel said. "Her father is right here."

Castiel made a strangled noise as Gabriel turned to face him. "Gabriel?"

The archangel gave him a smile that was both sad and happy. "Monica is alive Castiel. And right now she's on her way here to see you."

Castiel took a deep breath and his eyes rolled as he fell out of his chair, the shock of finding out his daughter was still alive overwhelming him and making his lose consciousness.

SSSSS

Castiel was pacing nervously back and forth. He was waiting for his daughter to arrive, his daughter who he thought was dead. He couldn't even begin to describe how happy he was. He paused and stroked the blanket he was holding, the one that Gabriel had made for her. With a sigh he went back to pacing. Why was this taking so long?

"Just relax." Dean said. "Gabriel said that he was going to meet her and to explain everything to her before bringing her here."

"I know but...It's been years. What if...What if Monica hates me Dean? Or thinks that I abandoned her? I thought she was dead and I never bothered to look for her. What does that say about me as a father?" Castiel asked.

"It says that you did the best you could under the circumstances." Dean said moving forward to hug his mate. "You were grieving. You had no idea that she was alive. You couldn't have known."

"I'm scared. She's...Dean it's been years." Castiel said, curling into his mate. "Monica's a woman now. Gabriel raised her. He's been both her mother and father for years. I'm scared that she won't need or want me. What if-"

"Cas you are going to give yourself gray hair or a heart attack." Dean said, kissing the top of his head. "Relax. You are freaking out over nothing. Do you really think she would come here to see you if she hated you?"

"I don't know Dean." Castiel admitted. "It's been years. Monica grew up without me. I missed out on her whole life. I missed out on birthdays and all the milestones in her life. I missed out on her first flight, her first spell, I missed out on so much Dean. I have no way of making it up to her. She probably had so many questions growing up about her parents and where she came from and I know that Gabriel wasn't able to answer them."

"Cas you're freaking yourself out again." Dean said trying to rub his angel's back to calm him. "Please try and calm down."

"You don't understand Dean!" The angel said, his voice quivering. "Monica probably doesn't remember me or her mother! She's never even seen picture of her mother because I have the only one that still exists! She might know my face but she doesn't know me! And what's worse is she doesn't know you! What if she doesn't like you? What if she doesn't like the fact that I'm with a male? What if Monica thinks I'm betraying her mother's memory by being with you? What if-"

"You pass out before she gets here and finds you in a crumpled heap on the middle of the Bunker." Lucifer said coming in. "That will be a horrible first impression to give her. Dean, bring your mate into the main room please."

Dean pulled his nearly hyperventilating mate close and guided him after the Devil. "What? Why? What's going on?"

"Your brother saw that Cassie was making himself a nervous wreck so he called Gabby." Lucifer said over his shoulder. "Gabby told me how to fix some calming tea so that our little brother doesn't end up passed out before Gabriel makes it back with the young lady."

Dean nodded, having never been more grateful from his little brother and the youngest archangel. "Thanks. I think he really needs it."

Lucifer pointed to a chair and Dean guided his mate into while Lucifer brought a tray over. He picked up a rather stunning tea pot and poured the angel a cup. The blonde added a bit of honey and milk before passing it to his brother. Castiel took it and gingerly sipped at it and it was easy to see that it was helping. Dean let out a sigh or relief before he noticed the table was laden with food.

"Having a party?" Dean asked.

"Celebrating a reunion." Lucifer said.

"Is she here yet?" Michael asked as he came into the room, his hair still damp the from the shower, followed closely by Raphael.

"Not yet." Lucifer said. "I'm getting Cassie calm first."

Michael nodded and gave Castiel a smile. "We're here for you."

"Don't worry." Raphael said, hugging his younger brother. "Everything will be fine."

Sam came running into the room. His phone was in his hand and he had a big smile on his face. Dean realized that he knew what that meant. Gabriel and Monica were here. Sure enough through the door walked Gabriel, followed by two people in cloaks; Oiveae and Monons. Castiel stood nervously and watched as Oiveae removed her cloak to reveal that she was indeed Monica. Castiel and Monica stared at each other for a minute before Monica let out a broken sob.

"Daddy!" She yelled as she rushed forward, her green eyes filled with tears and her brown hair nearly coming loose from it's ponytail.

"Monica!" Castiel yelled as he rushed to meet her.

They collided into each other with a thud but neither cared. They were hugging each other, laughing and crying all at the same time. Monica was sobbing happily while Castiel had silent tears running down his face. Monica leaned in close and kissed his cheek and Castiel did the same.

"Oh Monica. Sweetheart I am so sorry I left you. I didn't know." Castiel said. "I didn't know you were alive. The whole house was burning and I found your mother but you were so small and I'm so sorry about leaving you."

Monica shook her head. "It's okay Daddy. It wasn't your fault. Mum told me everything. About the house and the grave and I knew you wouldn't have just left me. It wasn't your fault okay? I love you Daddy and I forgive you. You are here now and that all that matters. I finally have my Daddy back!"

"You have no idea how much I've missed you. I never stopped thinking of you. I even kept your blanket." Castiel said. "Gabriel made it for you and it has your first feather."

"I never stopped wondering and dreaming about you." Monica admitted. "I kept hoping and dreaming that this day would come and we could be together again. As a family."

Castiel pulled back and looked at her. "I want nothing more then for us to be a family but there is so much I have to tell you."

"Mum explained most of it to me." Monica admitted. "Like how you have Poppa Dean now and how he makes you happy. I can't wait to meet everyone."

Castiel turned to Dean. "Dean...This is my daughter. This is my Monica."

Dean smiled. "Hi."

Monica got up and rushed over and hugged Dean. "Poppa! I hope you don't mind me calling you that. I see you as my second Dad since I see Gabriel as my Mum."

Dean hugged her back. "You may look like your mother but you really do belong to Cas."

Monica let Dean go and turned back to Castiel. "Is it true? Do I looked like my mom?"

Castiel nodded. "Just like her. She would be so proud."

Monica smiled before noticing the others in the room. "Oh! I'm sorry. I didn't even notice anyone else. I'm Monica!"

Lucifer gripped Michael's hand. "I'm Lucifer Morningstar and this is my mate Michael. We're your uncles."

Gabriel smiled. "You know me but this is Sam, my husband and mate."

"Nice to finally meet you." Sam said hugging Gabriel tight. "Cas hasn't stopped talking about you since he found out you were alive."

"I'm Raphael." Raphael said. "Also your uncle. The three of us are Gabriel and Castiel's older brothers. It's nice to meet you. I should also say thank you for helping me."

Monica shook her head. "I just healed you like Mum taught me. It was my mate who brought you back. Him and his lexicon."

Raphael turned to Monons. "Thank you for bringing me back so I could make up from my past."

Monons didn't say anything but instead the hood concealing his face turned away. Raphael frowned, not understand why he wasn't saying anything. He was about to move closer when he realize that the young man was shaking.

"Monica is your mate ill?" Raphael asked. "He's shaking."

Monica rushed over to her mate. "Monons please. It's okay."

Monons shook his head almost violently and turned away, a strangled noise leaving him.

"What's wrong?" Gabriel asked. "You know I can help."

Monica frowned. "It's about what Grandfather is making him do. He's not even supposed to be here but I made him come."

Lucifer frowned. "Why isn't he supposed to be here?"

Monons suddenly let out a broken sob as he turned to face them. "Because I'm supposed to be dead."

Gabriel froze. "It's can't be..."

Lucifer felt his heart stutter in his chest. "No...It's not possible..."

The young man pulled off his cloak to reveal a tall young man with messy black curls and bright golden eyes. He gave them a weak smile even as tears of blood came from his eyes. He reached out and held Monica's hand tightly before looking at Gabriel and Lucifer.

"Mom...Dad...I'm home."


	19. Happy Endings

**Chapter 19: Happy Endings**

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Razael asked desperately after the silence that rang out following his announcement.

"How?" Michael asked. "You were dead. The three of us watched you die!"

"I wasn't-It didn't-" Razael stuttered before finally looking down. "I can't really die."

The First Born scoffed. "I find that to be highly unlikely. Razael we saw you die. I saw Lucifer's Grace rip you apart when my spell went off. I watched as Gabriel tired to save you. He pumped his Grace into you for almost five minutes. Dad even said that you were gone and for us to let you go."

"I know. Believe me I know. I remember the pain. I remember how scared I was. I remember hating myself because I wasn't able to stop you from using that spell. I remember panicking because I thought I didn't stop the spell to save Dad. I also remember Mom holding me and crying, begging me to hold on until I finally didn't have the energy to." Razael said. "Then I woke up again."

"How?" Raphael questioned. "Did Dad bring you back?"

The younger shook his head, tightly gripping Monica's hand. "Turns out the being the guardian of the Angelis Lexicon came with a small side effect. As long as I don't name an heir to my duty of watching over the book I can't die. Just ask Monica. She's patched me up more times then I can count, most of them being what should have been lethal wounds."

"It's true." Monica said. "Razael can't really die. He just kinda...goes into a coma while his body heals and once there's no more damage he wakes up. Most of the time the Lexicon would heal him but once he told me I began healing him so he wouldn't be gone as long."

"So who knew you were alive?" The Third Born asked.

"At first it as just Grandfather. He was waiting for me to wake up. He said it took almost sixty years for my body to heal. Then, once he explained everything to me, he introduced me to Monica. He said that us being together was important and that she would act as my guide." The archangel said. "And he was right. Without my Guiding Star I would be lost."

"And your eyes?" Lucifer asked shakily. "You were blind. Your eyes turned the same color as your wings because of that stupid book."

"Monica." Razael said simply. "She found a way to slowly restore my sight instead of all at once. Less pain on me even if she wasn't able to fix my tear ducts. It's why I cry tears of blood."

"Why didn't you come back?" Lucifer asked, taking shaky steps towards his son. "Why didn't you let us know you were alive?"

"By the time I woke up and my body was healed, you were locked in the Cage, Mom was MIA, Raphael was always gone, and Michael wouldn't let anyone leave Heaven." Razael said. "So I snuck out and went to go look for you and Mom. Unfortunately I couldn't get to your Cage and could never find Mom. It was like you both just vanished."

Lucifer rushed forward and grabbed his son tight. "I couldn't care less that it took so long. I'm just glad you're alive. It hurt so bad watching you die. Now that you're back...Oh Raz…"

Razael hugged his father back just as tight. "I know Dad. I missed you too. I love you."

Lucifer let go of his son and turned to look at Gabriel, intent on having the mother of his child share in their joy but the small blonde was glaring at them. "Gabriel?"

Gabriel let out a snort and turned away. "What?"

"What? What do you mean what?" Lucifer asked in disbelief. "Our son is alive and for some reason you don't seem to care!"

"Oh I care." Gabriel said. "All he did was confirm my suspicions that he was alive."

The Devil pulled away from his son. "Gabriel what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how I always seemed to have someone watching over me sometimes when I knew it shouldn't have been possible." The Fourth Born said. "Am I right Raz?"

The younger flinched at his name. "Mom..."

"So am I right? Was it you?" Gabriel asked, his voice cold.

Razael looked pained. "Yes it was but-"

"Don't. Don't you dare." Gabriel snapped. "I didn't raise you to be like that Razael."

"Mom I did it because Grandfather said-"

"I also thought I taught you to be able to think for yourself!"

"Mom I really-"

"Give me a good reason not to clock you where you stand!"

"Because I couldn't bring myself to say anything!" Razael snapped. "I was scared that you wouldn't believe that I was alive. That you would send me away. So I listened to Grandfather and waited for the time to be right. Now it is. We can be a family again."

Gabriel was silent, watching the blood run down his son's face. He could see the pain coming off his son but he was so angry and upset that he couldn't bring himself to go over there and comfort him. He knew that his Dad had a hand in this and knowing that they could have been told, it set him off. His son was alive all this time. Just then Chuck came in, no doubt having sensed his agitation. He walked over and put a hand on Gabriel's shoulder.

"Gabriel I want you to listen to me okay? I know that you're angry at me and I know that you're angry at Razael but what I did was for-"

The room let out a shocked cry as Gabriel had reared back and punched his father square in the jaw, sending the deity head over heals. Michael was in complete shock as he rushed to his father's aid. Lucifer was staring at his brother in shock while Razael was staring with his mouth hanging open. Raphael had jumped up, his chair hitting the floor but it was clear that he didn't know who to go to. Dean was struggling not to laugh at everyone's faces while Castiel was staring with wide eyes. Sam rushed to his mate's side and grabbed him, trying to calm the pure fury he could feel.

Monica rushed to Chuck's side and began checking on him. "Why did you do that Mom?"

Gabriel let out a snort. "He fucking knows why."

The young girl was getting even more upset as she channel her power. "Mom you broke his jaw!"

"He fucking deserved it!" Gabriel snapped.

Monica healed Chuck and as she did she began to sway. She pulled away from Chuck, one hand resting on her stomach and the other reaching for her mate. Razael rushed forward, hitting his knees and sliding across the floor to her. He gently pulled her close, pumping his own Grace into her. Razael held her tight, worry clear on his face.

"My Oiveae? Are you alright?" Razael asked, his hand joining hers over her stomach.

"Is she alright?" Castiel asked, rushing to their sides.

Razael nodded. "She should be with some rest. I just worry about her using energy because...Well...Monica is pregnant."

Castiel turned to his daughter with wide eyes. "Monica?"

She nodded with a smile. "It's true Daddy. I found out a week ago. I'm two months along."

Castiel paled but then suddenly turned to Dean with a smile. "Dean! We're going to be grandparents!" He said before turning and hugging Monica gently. "Oh Monica! Your mother would be so proud of you!"

Dean paled. "Grandparents?! I'm too young to be a grand anything!" He said before moaning. "I can't believe my step-daughter is older then me!"

Razael was suddenly yanked away from his mate by his exuberant Dad. "I can't believe this! A child! You're having a child of your own!"

"I know! Isn't that great Mom?" Razael asked as he turned to his mother only to find both his mother and grandfather missing. "Mom? Grandfather? Where did they go?"

SSSSS

Chuck hit the wall hard, surprised by the strength his youngest archangel son could wield in his fury. "Gabriel please just listen to me!"

Gabriel glared. "If you fucking tell me that not knowing that my only son was alive was for my own good then I swear I will break your fucking nose this time!"

"Gabriel you and I both know that when Razael died that you weren't in your right mind." Chuck said. "I couldn't risk telling you."

"Not in my right mind? You mean that you had to lock me up for ten years because I went bat shit insane when Michael murdered my son in front of me?" Gabriel spat. "Or is that another one of your dirty little secrets that no one knows about?!"

"Gabriel you're upset-"

"I'm beyond fucking upset right now!" Gabriel yelled. "Right now I am very tempted to try my damnedest to murder you! Tell me something...Why now?"

Chuck frowned. "I don't understand what you're asking me."

"Why did you decide to start bringing my son around now?" Gabriel asked bitterly. "Was it so I would stay? Or so I would come back to the fold and take my place in Heaven once more? Go back to being your Messenger and Healer?"

The diety sighed. "I was planning on bring Razael here once I found you. When I realized how bad off you were I decided that it would be better to wait until you were better. I have to admit that it took a lot longer then I thought it would."

"So what?"

"So I thought that if maybe I brought Razael to you that it would help you get better." Chuck said softly. "I was hoping that it would make you happy again."

"Why?"

"Because I finally understood. I was finally able to know what you felt that day." The deity said. "The day that you vanished woke me up Gabriel. I now understood what you felt when you lost Razael. I had never felt such pain. It was as if you had been ripped from me in the most physically painful way possible and it left me feeling empty. It left me feeling like I'd never be whole again. I realized that I had done so much wrong by you and your brothers and sisters. It's why I came back, why I began to try to step up and be a father to you again."

"And what about Razael?" Gabriel asked. "Did you send him to me whenever you thought I was getting close to doing something stupid?"

"That was his own doing. He somehow found you and when he did he made sure to somehow keep track of you." Chuck said. "I don't know how he did it but he did. He'd always seem to know when you needed him the most. He knew you even better then I did. He'd be talking to me or Monica and then he'd get this far away look in his eyes and then off he'd go, saying he'd be back soon."

Gabriel frowned and reached down and pulled off the anklet he had with Razael's feather in it. He studied it before cast a quick scanning spell on it. He was shocked to find that his son had placed a monitoring charm and a tracking charm on it. So that was how his son had done it. At his lowest points in his life his son had shown up and taken care of him even though when it happened he was normally out of his mind and most of the time he chalked it up to a dream. Looked like his son had taken after him after all; Razael was a Trickster through and through.

"So Razael has been keeping an eye on me this whole time. Did you know what he was doing?" The Fourth Born asked.

Chuck shook his head. "I knew he kept disappearing but I didn't know that it was you that he was going to. I just knew that it was a friend. So what are you going to do now Gabriel?"

"I'm not going back to Heaven." The blonde said. "I can't Dad. Not after everything that's happened to me. Heaven isn't home to me. It hasn't been since before the fighting started. I can't even bring myself to think about setting foot in Heaven again. The night I tried to kill myself I really thought I had been dragged back and I wanted nothing more then to run as far away and as fast away as I could."

"I'm sorry that your home became a place that you hate." The brunette said.

"I don't really hate it." Gabriel admitted as he took a seat. "I just don't think that I'll ever look at it the same way again."

"Gabriel..." Chuck said watching him closely. "If you no longer feel comfortable then you don't ever have to go back. I mean it. If you want this could be your home now. You always did love earth more then you did Heaven. I could barely pull you away sometimes."

"What did you expect? I felt safer there then with my brothers." The blonde said softly. "I can still be your Messenger and Healer from here."

"Gabriel I don't care. All I want from now on is the happiness of my children and my first soon-to-be-born great grand child." Chuck said. "Now since everyone else is out there celebrating how about we go back out there and join them. That way you can apologize to your son and we can let everyone know that we've made peace again."

Gabriel sighed. "Dad before we do there is something that I need to talk to you about. It's about Sam and Dean. Can we talk?"

Chuck gave his son a smile, but it was a sad one. "I know what you're going to ask Gabriel. You and I both know that I can't do something like that without something being given up in return."

Gabriel stared at his dad. "What would you ask of me Dad?"

SSSSS

"Look at that Cassie!" Gabriel said happily as he looked at the picture on the ultrasound. "Well Monica it looks like...you are having...A boy!"

Razael let out a happy cheer. "A son! My Oiveae did you hear that? We're having a little boy!"

Monica turned to her mate with tears in her eyes. "Oh Monons! I'm so happy! We're finally starting a family together!"

Gabriel began cleaning her up and smiled as she was happily talking to Castiel and Razael about the baby. As he was putting everything up he noticed Sam standing by the door. Razael and Castiel helped Monica off the table. She came over and gave both him and Sam a hug and kiss before heading out. Razael also gave Sam and Gabriel a hug before following his mate and Father-in-Law out, no doubt to spread the good news.

Gabriel was quick to clean everything and put it away, liking his work spaces neat. He smiled and hurried to meet his mate. It wasn't until he stood that he noticed that Sam was holding something. The blonde frowned and went over to him, trying to figure out why his mate was smirking and holding something wrapped in a paper towel.

"Sam?" He asked, his voice laced with worry.

Sam was still giving him a smirk. "I was given this by Michael. He asked you to test it for him."

Gabriel took the paper towel wrapped object with a frown and unwrapped it a bit revealing a small glass full of a clearish-yellow liquid. "A urine sample? What does Mike want me to do with this?"

"He wants to know if you can test it. For pregnancy." Sam said, his smirk growing.

The blonde's eyes went wide. "Did he get this from Luci? I didn't think Lucifer'd be ready to carry a child so soon."

"No, not Lucifer." The hunter said chuckling. "Michael asked me this morning on how someone would take a test. I told him that he would need to pee on one of the tests but he said to give it to you and you'd be able to be more accurate then 'a human stick'."

"So then Mike could be pregnant. I was expecting a pregnancy because my dad said the Michael was talking talking about it. I just didn't realize that Mike was intending on carrying the child."

"Doesn't Lucifer have to be on top for that to happen?" Sam asked curiously.

"Not really. I carried Razael and Lucifer had never topped me before." Gabriel explained. "All they have to do is let their Graces touch and Michael would have to keep a tiny piece of Lucifer's Grace within him once they reach orgasm. It's how we made Raz but that was a total accident. I didn't even know it was possible back then."

"So let's find out if we're going to be uncles then." Sam said with a smile.

Gabriel nodded and took the small glass and walked over to the desk he had set up for himself in the medical room. He rummaged around in the drawers for a few minutes before producing a three pack box of pregnancy tests. Sam frowned as Gabriel opened the the brand new box and pulled out one of the tests and dipped it. Pulling it out he sat it flat and checked the clock.

"Gabe? Why do you have pregnancy tests?" Sam hesitantly asked, picking up the box and looking it over. "I mean it's not exactly something that a bunker full of guys really needs."

The archangel turned red and looked anywhere but at his mate. "I was hoping...that maybe...I mean I know that it's still a bit soon... But maybe we could talk and possibly...If you feel up to it that is... we could try for that daughter we talked about."

Sam sat the box down and walked around the desk. He carefully pulled his husband into his arms and kiss the top of his head. The hunter waited until he was sure his mate had calmed down before slowly pulling away.

"I would love nothing more then to have that child with you." Sam said. "And I could care less about the gender as long as we have a healthy child."

Gabriel let out a sob and clung to Sam. "Oh Sam! I was so worried that you'd hold me to having that girl we talked about and-"

Sam leaned in and kissed him again. "Gabe...You should know me better then that by now. All I want is for us to be happy and for us to be together. You are my whole world. My love, my world, my husband, my archangel. You make me happy."

Gabriel smiled up at him with love shining in his eyes and nearly glowing with happiness. A beep went off and Gabriel turned to look back at the test. He read it and turned to Sam with a smile.

"So...which one of us wants to go tell Michael that he's pregnant?"


	20. The Wings of an Archangel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go everyone! The last chapter of Shaded and the end of the Grace Trilogy. It has been a fun ride and I am sorry that I took so long but I hope you enjoyed this ride as much as you did. As always I love you all!
> 
> ~ Noxy

**Chapter 20: The Wings of an Archangel**

"Gabe do something!"

"I can't Sam!"

"Please Gabriel! Dean is dying!"

"Castiel I know!"

"You're the Archangel of Healing!"

"No shit Michael!"

"You've healed far worse then this Gabriel!"

"Tell me something I don't know Raph!"

"Mum please! Save Poppa!"

"Monica please! Step back!"

"You can help him Mom! I know you can!"

"It's not that simple Razael!"

"Gabby hurry! His pulse is fading!"

"What do you want me to do Lucifer?!"

"Save him!"

"I CAN'T!" Gabriel yelled, making the room fall silent even as he kept a tight grip on the dying hunter. "The poison has already begun liquefying his internal organs! It's advancing too quickly! I don't have enough time to make an antidote."

Dean gripped Gabriel's hand weakly. "It's okay Gabe...I had a good run..."

"Please don't say that Pappy!" Monica cried. "Mum will find a way to save you. I know he will. Won't you Mum?"

Gabriel shook his head. "I can't counter the poison. It's moving too fast through his body and doing too much damage. He's doesn't have long. A half hour at most. And hour if he's stubborn."

"So that's it then?" Sam asked angrily. "You can't do anything?!"

"I didn't say that." Gabriel said softy.

Raphael frowned when he saw the gears start turning in his little brother's mind; he knew that look as, his baby brother was about to do something incredibly stupid. "Gabriel? What are you thinking about doing? Don't do anything reckless."

"Dad...It's time." The blonde called, his gold eyes fixed on the dying hunter.

Lucifer frowned. "Time? Time for what?"

Chuck appeared and he had a forlorn look on his face. "I guess this means that your time has come Gabriel."

Michael let out a growl. "Dad? What's going on?!"

Gabriel nodded. "We knew this day would come. Better now then later. Dean's still fairly young. This will work."

"I don't understand. What's happening?" Razael demanded to know.

"I know." Chuck said.

"Father please! Can you save Dean?" Castiel begged.

The deity reached out and grabbed the dying hunter and his youngest archangel son grabbed his mate and the four vanished. Sam had to close his eyes at the bright light that blinded him. When he opened them again he blinking in surprise. He looked around not sure why he was here or even how he was here.

"What's going on?" Sam asked. "Bobby's house burned down."

"Yeah. I know." Gabriel said, laying Dean down on the couch. "Just hold on Dean-o okay? This isn't the end for you. I promise."

Dean nodded and laid back resting. "No worries there. Just...Watch out for Cas yeah? Just in case I don't make it?"

"I didn't raise you to talk like that boy!"

Sam whirled to find Bobby standing there. "Bobby?!"

"Don't just stand there you idjit!" The older hunter snapped. "Get over there next to your brother while I help this angel of yours!"

Sam rushed to Dean's side, upset to see that there was blood starting to come from his brother's nose, ears, and mouth. "Guys! He's getting worse!"

Gabriel curse and moved to his side. "Okay Sam. I need you and Dean to trust me. Can you do that for me?"

Sam nodded and Bobby pulled Sam away. Gabriel crawled over top of Dean and his six huge wings came out to fill the room. Chuck knelt down next to him and placed one hand on Gabriel's shoulder and the other on Dean's. Bobby held Sam tight, pulling him a bit further away so they wouldn't be in the way.

"Time for some pay back Dean. For once...I'm kissing you." Gabriel said before his lips gently met Dean's in a soft kiss.

Chuck closed his eyes and began to channel his power making both the hunter and archangel glow. As the glow got brighter as ringing sound began that Sam easily recognized; the true voice of an angel. As Gabriel's voice got louder it was easy to tell that he was hurting; whatever was happening was causing his angel harm. Sam tried to more forward but Bobby held him tight.

"Just let them be. They know what they're doing Sam." Bobby said. "This is going to make your brother better."

The light finally faded away and with it Gabriel's screams. The angel moved away, stumbling towards his mate. Sam caught the clearly exhausted angel as he slumped down, gently lowering him to the floor. Once he was certain that his mate was fine he looked up to check on his brother only to have his jaw drop open in shock.

"Dean?"

SSSSS

"It's been days." Michael said, holding his son Jared close. "Why aren't they answering us?"

Lucifer looked up from where he had just finished putting his daughter Ariah, Jared's twin sister, in a new dress. "Calm down Mike. I'm sure that once Dean is better they'll be back."

"How can we even be sure they found a way?" Razael said bouncing his own son, Jophiel on his knee while he played with his own food.

"If Dean was gone I would know." Castiel said. "Our Bond hasn't Faded but it has changed somehow. I just don't know why."

"But Poppa's okay right?" Monica asked. "I mean he's not hurting right?"

"No. Whatever Gabriel and our Father has done to him he's no longer in any pain." Castiel confirmed. "He's healed."

Michael held Jared closer. "It still makes me nervous. Especially with our children here. I don't want to leave the twins and Jophiel here alone."

"Wow...Talk about a vote of confidence." Raphael said to Crowley. "I guess we're invisible."

"What does that make us?" Crowley asked, bring in two freshly made bottles. "Chopped liver? We can watch the tykes."

Lucifer took one of the bottles. "Thank you for the offer, both of you, but Mike hasn't gotten past the separation stage yet. He doesn't even let the kids sleep in the nursery the Balthazar set up for them."

The First Born flushed. "I can't help it. I want them safe."

"This is the safest place outside of Heaven." Chuck said as he walked in. "Morning."

"Grandfather!" Monica said rushing over and hugging him. "Where's Poppa? Where's Mum and Pops? Why aren't they with you?"

"You mean us?" Dean asked as he came around the corner only to have Monica nearly tackle him to the ground. "Easy Sweetheart. I'm okay. Sorry I scared you. Believe me. I scared myself."

Castiel rushed from his seat and joined his daughter in hugging his mate. "Dean I was so worried! What happened?!"

"Chuck and Gabe had to take some drastic measures to save me but I'm okay now." Dean said kissing him. "I promise."

Lucifer breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm glad you're okay Dean. Where's Sam and Gabby?"

"Right here."

Crowley looked up at that; he knew that voice. "Robert?"

Bobby let go of Gabriel's arm and rushed into the room where he was met by a very happy demon. "I told you I'd find a way home. I'm just sorry I took so long."

"It's fine. You're here now." Crowley said before looking past his mate and towards the blonde archangel who as watching them. "Gabriel...I can't thank you enough."

Gabriel nodded, leaning against the wall. The blonde was pale and hard dark circles under his eyes. He looked almost the way he had nearly seven years ago when they had first found him. Michael passed Jared to Raphael as he rushed to his younger brother's side.

"Gabriel? What's wrong? You feel really weak and you look horrible." Michael said, carefully pulling his younger brother into a hug.

"I did what I had to. Right Sam?" Gabriel asked weakly.

Michael looked up only to freeze as he locked eyes with the hunter. Sam's eyes were a bright emerald green and nearly glowing with power. He felt his jaw drop as he tasted the power that was coming off the hunter. Not sure why he turned to Dean and could feel the same power coming off the older hunter.

"What the hell?!"

"Hey! Mike finally learned to cuss!" Gabriel said with a giggle. "Raphael, you owe me some money! Pay up!"

"Gabriel what the hell did you do?!" Michael asked, gripping his brother tight to look into his nearly hazel colored eyes.

"There was no way to save me." Dean said. "So Gabriel made the ultimate sacrifice for both Sam and I. He gave us each a piece of his Grace and...well..."

"I had three set of wings." Gabriel said. "In order for a human to become an angel an angel has to give that human a pain of wings. I had two sets to spare. I gave Sam and Dean each a set of wings. They are angels like us now."

There was a stunned gasp from around the room.

"So...does that mean..." Castiel asked, his voice filled with hope.

Gabriel nodded. "Old age will never claim them. They are ours to keep. Once I recover my strength then we need to begin training them how to use their Grace. For now...I think it's time to welcome our newest archangels into the fold. The Archangel's of Hunting, Sam and Dean Winchester."


End file.
